I have no idea how to formulate this, so I'll just give some info and paste our discussion. I'm 16, biologically male (I have no idea what my actual gender is and I don't even have the energy to think about it so whatever), gonna turn 17 this month. I also have Asperger, maybe important for what's going to come. Three months ago I made a friend on AO3 (Archive of our own, fanfiction website), we were kinda into the same fandoms and kinds of writing so I asked her to become her friend on Discord (btw she's 17). She accepted, and so we started talking about lots of different stuff that we liked. What was kinda difficult though, is that she lives in the USA (whereas I live in France), so timezones usually got in the way of our discussions. I don't really remember how this started, I believe that it was at some point in late March when she wished me good night or something, I just felt... really weird, loved even. It was late in the night for me and I had a ton of butterflies in my stomach at this moment, so much that I had to wait the next day to reply to her. Slowly but surely I began to grow completely obsessed with her, and it felt really weird because to this day I still have no idea how she even looks like or what her actual personality is. These last weeks I started sending love messages in a private channel on a Discord server I use for testing bots (there's only myself in there) went as far as using AI to write romantic stories between me and her (I want to precise though, nothing sexual because I hate sex in all its forms, especially the new kinks/promiscuity that "progressives" like so much). I just craved for hugs, kisses, and intimacy. I was pretty sure she was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I was already starting to look into how I could travel to the USA to meet her in person and everything. I was also so damn afraid that she might find a partner before I could rejoin her, and that she would reject me because she likes women (I have no idea if she's a lesbian or bi but I so damn hoped she was bi). I think I've always experienced discomfort with the more masculine parts of my body that started growing at puberty, but this obsession pushed me to the point where I seriously considered transitioning (and so become a lesbian as well I guess). This was like the 3rd time in my life, first was in November 2022 because I used to hate masculinity (I still kinda do but less), second was a year later because there was some trans girl that made damn good music on Youtube and kinda reminded me of myself (and this caused me to start growing out of homo and transphobia btw). Right now I do not think I am trans, most of my discomfort comes from my body and not so much my gender itself (I still wish to remove my genitals regardless because testosterone kinda sucks but whatever). A few days ago I started looking into long-distance relationships and stories of people falling in love with their online friend, at some point I saw someone saying that the best was to be honest with your friend. Whoever wrote that, f*ck that person.
Here's the discussion we had on Discord, unfiltered (except for her name which I censored for obvious reasons) :
Me Hello ***, I am really sorry for not sending you anything yesterday, I currently have something on my mind that I really need to talk to you about. Is that ok for you ? (you told me to warn you before I tell you something like that that's why I'm asking) Her what does it contain?? like summarize bc I am not comfy with like heavy heavy shit rn (I wouldnt know what to say, anyways) Me oh god I can summarize it in 5 words : I'm in love with you. And just to add something, just so you kinda understand what I mean by that - I don't expect anything from you. I don't even know why I feel that way or how it's even possible considering I don't know you well, it's very confusing to me sometimes. Now I'm 99% sure you don't reciprocate my feelings, and as I said I'm not expecting anything, I'd rather be simple friends with you than losing you altogether. What really makes me feel bad is knowing we probably won't even ever meet irl, you most probably don't love me back and... just feeling distant to you is already painful lmao. The thing is I'm a bit tired to be hurt for stuff that shouldn't hurt me like that, keeping that to myself makes me feel even worse so I decided to just be honest with you. But again - I don't expect anything (I don't even think I'm worthy of anything lol). I'll stop it there, I would probably have other stuff to say but you told me to summarize so I'm not gonna go into any further detail. Sorry if that's already too long for you, I just wanted to be sure you wouldn't misunderstand anything (this took me wayy too long to write but oh god this is soooo difficult to say lol). Her DAMN OKAY im so sorry but im not interested in literally ANYONE rn (let alone you, sorry if that sounds rude at all) I barely know you too, which is unfortunate but GOD and that therefore makes me VERY uncomfortable because I might have not mentioned it before but I don't know if I even like men or men-adjacent people in the first place let alone me liking really anybody at all Honestly you should really choose someone who suits you better because I know it isn't me,, I can only wish you luck in your love endevours but you saying that just makes me feel odd as hell (again, no offense to you and I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I literally have never experienced anyone liking me and while I previously have experienced liking other people, the period im in rn im just not in the mood for a relationship like that at all) Me I just want to cry rn, but only because I am so damn relieved to finally be able to tell you that, and I was super scared you might block me or something, idk lol Speaking of men, it is weird because HAHA I still have not solved my gender problem but it was hard to think about that when all my brain wanted to think about was hugs lol (also ik it's random but I'm sure I will remove my genitals, I've wanted that since I was 13 anyway) The only thing I know is that rn I have a big crush on you, ik it's cringe as hell but yesterday I was literally considering suicide if you didn't like me back (and NO I'm not going to do that I'm much more at peace today). But what I can tell you is that I won't insist on that, I really want you to be happy and not uncomfortable about that (side note, I just genuinely wish so much you had a better life, it makes me feel bad seeing you having to work at mcdonalds when you should win all your money from your art, but whatever that's just a tiny part of how much today's world is corrupt) Also I don't take anything you've said as an offense, if I'm not the right person for you I am not and there isn't anything wrong with it (and same thing if you just don't want any relationship). Maybe you're right about you not suiting me as well, although I have literally no idea since I don't know you very well lol. I really don't know what else to say, I'm feeling like 14535 emotions at the same time, and again I really want to cry rn (I just hope my stupid damn hormones will let me for once) (also thank you very much for wishing me good luck, I never had luck and don't think I'll ever have but hey maybe it'll change now) Her honestly, I do wish you further luck in life but I may talk to you less because of this,,, it's nothing against you I just feel very uncomfortable with the notion you like me to begin with I feel very bad for you when you say you dont have many friends, and theres nothing I can really do about that or to change that. But for now, I do not really feel like being your friend in the meantime out of my own personal reasons (the stuff I've mentioned about being heavily uncomfortable.) I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible because it's not your fault you have feelings and it's not my fault I have my own feelings. Please don't contemplate hurting yourself in ANY fashion because honestly that just makes me continue to feel bad (AND i dont wish to feel like im being manipulated to feel even WORSE becuase of that even if you say you're good now) I may block you, and again it's nothing against you and I clearly am going to state that I do not hate you. Let me make that VERY clear. And I also dont' want to feel like im being manipulated when you say you contemplated suicide and even if that's not the case now its VERY concerning and I don't like it. I honestly suggest talking to someone more, I know you have someone you've been talking to, because I can't handle being directly told stuff like that because it hurts me as a person. Like said, please don't think I hate you. I just don't have time for shit like this because im a busy person who's stressed as is, and thats that. See you on the flipside because I don't intend on talking to you for a bit, it's unfortunate but I cannot do anything about my own emotions.
So here we go, a long read but whatever. I wanted to apologize for talking about my suicide thoughts, I really didn't want her to feel manipulated (that wasn't my intent at all, I just tried to be honest about everything, I probably shouldn't have) but she had already blocked me and I couldn't even tell that to her. LIKE I CAN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR MY F*CKING STUPID BEHAVIOUR. I realized my mistake, but now it's too late anyway, I've lost her for good. I don't know her well but I know she tends to forget stuff a lot, no doubt she'll forget about me altogether eventually. I won't even have the occasion to be her friend anymore. All of that happened in late evening for me and I literally can't sleep now, I tried to play videogames but kept failing over and over, watching Youtube didn't help either. Right now it's almost 6 am and I haven't slept of the night. Like she said she doesn't hate me but why would she even block me ? I thought I made it clear I wasn't expecting anything from her (because I simply couldn't anyway). Right now I just wish I had a time machine to go back and remove that stupid suicide mention because it was useless anyway and I'm pretty sure that's what costed me one of my only friends in my entire stupid, dumb life. I still can understand her discomfort with that kind of things, and I recognize I might have done something similarly if someone told me they loved me, but being blocked is just too much for me. I feel like I can't even do anything to repair my mistake.
On the good side, one of my irl friends contacted me back two days ago. I've known him since I was 12 and I feel like talking to him might help me, so I'll do that whenever he replies to me. I guess I still have some people in my life to help me, but I don't think anybody will replace the one I lost. She was a big part of my life for the last 3 months, I used to tell her about nearly everything I was doing, waiting with impatience for the days she wasn't working to be able to talk to her more. We used to talk about our crazy Hollow Knight ships, our silly stories, and I feel like although we didn't have much in common we still had some things, and I'll miss all of that terribly. I still have passions in my life, like video games, writing, or politics, but what is even life without anyone to love ? What does make a loveless life really different than death ? I know all of that was probably just an obsession, but I still had some feelings for her, now I'll just have to kill what's left of those by myself because I can't even contact her anymore and I'll never even have the 0.0001% chance to be with her anymore.

I had a guest booked for a one night stay. I messaged her the day of her check out and said “Good morning! When you check out today just lock up behind you and leave the garage door closed. No rush, you got there late yesterday and the housekeeper won’t be in until 1-ish.” (The housekeeper wasn’t actually due that afternoon, I said that to provide a general timeline about what I meant by “take your time”).
I see them leave around 12:50 on the ring doorbell and go about my day without thinking about it any further. I fail to disable their smart lock access at that time, having seen them leave.
Around 8 pm, I get a ring notification that there’s a person at the backdoor. I look and see that they’ve come back in and out and immediately get weirded out. I message her “Hi [name], did you return to the home this evening after check out?” No response. I disable their lock access.
Since I was out of town, I ask my dad to go check on the house immediately. He goes over there and their car is in the garage and their stuff is still in the home. He leaves right away without touching anything and lets me know it looks like they have failed to check out.
No response from the guest still, though not much time has passed. I told my dad to just hang out around the property and wait for them to come back while I file an Airbnb ticket. At this point I suspected that they were intentionally avoiding checking out/responding to me. I file the ticket and ask my dad to contact law enforcement, because when they returned I wanted them to be escorted in and out just to get their things.
By now I’m panicking and assuming the worst. I call my housekeeper who knows the place like the back of her hand. She offered to drive down and look inside to make sure everything inside was as it should be (the home is from 1860 and full of antiques I’ve cultivated over the last two years and precious to me). She and her husband come by, chat with my dad in the parking lot for a while, and then they enter the home.
This is where it gets super messy. As they go into the home, they forget to lock it behind them. Just about about at this exact moment, the guests return and enter the home. My housekeeper exits through the front door, walks around back, knocks, and tells them that she’s the housekeeper and that checkout was at 1. The man answers the door and is aggressive right off the bat. He tells her to “go the fuck away.” As this confrontation is happening, the wife texts me, simply: “yes” to my message from an hour and a half prior asking if she’d re-entered the home. I tell her “I’m sorry, that is not okay. You need to vacate the property.” And she says “I thought we had until tomorrow.” This exchange is happening as her husband is still speaking to my housekeeper at the door.
She asks my housekeeper to call me, and she and I have a conversation. She insists they thought they had until the next day, and that it was an honest mistake. I told her I hope she understands why it looked bad and why I became immediately concerned. She never expressed any surprise or remorse for being there at night 9 hours after checkout time without any communication. There was no apology about being there without a reservation. They said they were opting to pack up and leave.
My dad had called the police (as I had requested much earlier) at the time the guests had shown back up. When they did arrive, they stood by and kept the peace while the guests packed up and left.
My initial gut reaction at the beginning of this was that they were not trustworthy and that I was dealing with a bad situation. I am new-ish to Airbnb and nervous about my home. I have never had a guest do anything even remotely sketchy and didn’t have a lot of levelheadedness at the time. I don’t think I have a lot of tools in my toolbox yet for dealing with something outside the scope of the standard “check in, check out, no weirdness” script.
In retrospect, I acknowledge that if it truly was an honest mistake then I came in super hot. I brought in multiple people to the scene, assumed the worst, and escalated it so much further than it had to be.
On the other hand, though, I feel like not everything adds up. They were EXTREMELy aggressive when my people showed up. There was no communication, and I feel like it would extremely difficult to not realize for the entire duration of that time that you’d gotten the dates of your reservation wrong.
Obviously this is going to bring on a spiteful, hate-filled review no matter which way you slice it. I probably shot myself in the foot, and I’m upset about that. I feel a bit wishy washy on if I made the right call trusting my gut. I’m conflicted on whether or not they were taking me for a ride or if they made a legit booking mistake. Help! I truly need unbiased responses.
Please don’t be too mean, even if you think I’m a blundering idiot.

< First Previous >
Curator POV
Watching the runners sprint out from the camp I can't help but heave a mental sigh. A'right Poppit, more than one ran, make a show of each of them. Maybe throwing a bit of game theory at them was a bit cruel, but, I mean, do I really want stupid people escaping from a slaver camp. The smart ones will understand not to do stupid things like trying to retaliate against me in some manner.
That said, the mana income from Poppits' feasting on the former beast is nothing to scoff at. It did say that tainted flesh rewarded a significant amount more, perhaps there's levels of tainting where it increases the amount further? Although, wouldn't that have been listed to start with, or maybe the descriptions are just kind of an 'overview' and a 'usually how it works' type deal? Ah well, thoughts for another time.
Watching the sand shift and writhe as my lil hungy boyos split off into groups to chase down the runners, I can't help but think of how fish will move to swarm a piece of bread. The smarter folks who realized that running is a trap if any one runs though look at the idiots who fled with pale faces, and a pallid expression that I am quite familiar with. Not many folks can look away from a car crash as it's happening after all and this isn't much different. With almost simultaneous shrieks the Poppits catch their running quarries and with a surge burst up from under the sand lifting their victim up into the air for a moment before rapidly silencing the screams as they swarm over and bodily drag them under the sand.
The pregnant silence that follows is, understandable, even as the sand rapidly turns red around the camp. While I can make out a good overview of things without jumping into the senses of my followers, I want to get a proper feel of things. Shifting into Vahlu's point of view, I can feel the shudder of horror he also suppresses at the sites just now.
"Ah, right, your people have had issues with Poppit's kind in the past. Don't worry though, that'll not be an issue again lil buddy." (Curator)
My voice seems to break the heavy atmosphere of that little...demonstration. Vahlu shakes his head which, while understandable, is also really weird when I'm riding side saddle in his senses like this. As he turns to face our foe, they simply seem to collapse. Weapons or tools dropped, some just looking off in abject horror as they fall to their backs, others falling to their hands and knees, looking down at the sand as they shake, sweat, and gasp for air almost like a fish out of water. The interesting ones though, those are the ones that start kowtowing toward my little Pandora's box of a surprise.
"Hey, Vahlu, you and Paul gonna be okay sorting things out for the minute, getting every one freed, and getting the slavers all 'lined up' so I can judge them properly? I don't think they'll give yall ANY resistance in this current state. Their morale is completely shattered." (Curator)
All that and none of my people are hurt, gotta say this makes me really appreciate the attention to leadership being so important in table top games. Fear is a much more powerful weapon than a gun at times. If any one tries to start stuff in the future, that'll come in handy.
"Ah, yes Curator, we should be able to handle it, and if people act up. I don't think Poppit is ever not hungry anymore." (Vahlu)
"Good lad, ya really get it. Oh, right, Poppit does have a new skill that should come in handy, if being close to some of those slavers results in them starting to drool uncontrollably, that means that person is irredeemable. If they make any sudden movements, or make any threatening movements, END them, be it you, Paul, any of the rescued slaves, doesn't mater. That said, those that are properly subdued shouldn't be attacked or harmed until I've had a chance to judge them." (Curator)
"Understood, and good to know, that's...weird that they drool from that, but also, like ya said, it's pretty handy." (Vahlu)
"Your will will be done Curator, you can trust us with this." (Paul)
Good good. With that big mana influx, and the weirdness of what I've seen through the eyes of Vahlu, or...when I tried it Poppit, I need to do something about that...limitation. I've also got the best idea, and well, if I'm going to be an object of Worship, I should give them a proper thing to worship, no?
Returning my view back to my domain, I sigh, this really is home. Hey there lil snaketus, I didn't forget about you and how you supported me when I first came too in this place. Seeing how magic is all about how you visualize things, aaand, how I changed your flower some too, well, more changing is fine and this will be great for both of us I think.
Looking at myself, I have a good bit of mana, so...lets only conserve one ring and spend all the rest on this. After all, I'll be getting more soon. With that, I need a good name to focus with what I intend. Hmmm...yeah, let's go with that, and it should make that other idea work even better I bet. Now, the image of how I want the change to take place, and that's surprisingly easy. Now for the proper pomp and circumstance, just to make things feel right. Heavily focusing on the snaketus I start to flow mana into it, the density of it almost visibly palpable and I can feel eyes of all the skinkles looking in on this, which isn't surprising really.
"First to bear me, and give me shelter. Rearing me in my earliest stages of existence in this new land you are indispensable to my early survival. I name you Renenutet. You shall bear me forth inside yourself, sheltering me from those that would dare wish me harm, act as my flesh and sinew so I can better exert my will. To help me raise those I feel deserve to be uplifted and protected, while also allowing me to unleash my wrath properly on those that have truly earned my ire." (Curator)
Those words spoken the massive flow of mana rushes out compared to it's comparative trickle before. Part of me wishes to cackle as the snaketus starts to rapidly morph and grow. A proper head developing, eyes forming from azure flower petals as a wide hood opens to give the proper cobra appearance. Colorful 'scales' in the forms of petals and short spines forming inside that distinct spread neck to give a properly regal appearance. Surging forward toward my ziggurat as it grows, a mouth opens up, sharp and long quills for teeth easily seen, yet it carefully takes me in. My gem like core being hidden away inside it, stopping at the back of it's maw, veins of it's soft flesh covering over me, properly hiding me away as it yet grows longer and larger. Already I can see from it's eyes, as though they are my own, even turning it's head and shifting it's gaze.
Through that connection with it, like my other scions, there is simply a sense of joy and contentment. Not that I mind, honestly it's quite relaxing. Although....I do need to do something to keep my domain 'locked' here, don't I?
As if reading my mind Renenutet leans her head forward once more, and through me passes a...surprisingly large seed which is placed where I once was, crushing the pedestal and causing Babe even more distress than seeing me be engulfed like this. Seeing roots rapidly dig into the structure I feel a strong connection to it, almost like an anchor, or maybe a keystone of sorts.
"Will that keep my domain here, even if we go elsewhere?" (Curator)
With a quick nod of affirmation from my new 'body' I guess, they would speak.
"Yesss, that isss the cassse my Father. Alssso, sssister Archivissst, do not fret ssso. I will keep Father sssafe and sssound, from prying eyesss and the harshnesss of the elementsss till the end of daysss." (Renenutet)
Oh, they can talk....and have a properly effeminate voice to boot. That's good. I think.
< Next >

Not gonna lie, kinda bummed that despite having this planned out early on (why do you think I noted how specifically the snaketus flower changed so early on!) I didn't get it done sooner on. Ah well, as the pacing feels is right. I wanted to do this around the time Curator would be bringing in an influx of people, but only after he had a large amount of mana to do so. The 'Sin Eater' was the solution I came up with that actually two chapters before that skill specialization was pointed out.
And today's Random Fact: Basket Ball was originally made as a random PE sport by a high school coach who cut the bottoms out of some fruit baskets to use (thus why it's a 'basket'!)
Also find this on Royal Road and if you feel like getting me a drink, I did set up a ko-fi

I don’t usually run to social media for advice but this has been severely stressing me out lately.
Basically, I have an online relationship with this guy who lives a few states away from me. Without giving out personal information, he lives with a roommate and he is currently working two jobs to get out of the place and move to where I am. He got me a giant job opportunity and is basically a great boyfriend. He has negatives too, but they aren’t things that are horrible and we are very big with communication.
He recently bought tickets to this big event in Boston for a Rocket League thing. I really don’t know much about the game but he absolutely loves it. Originally, he was supposed to go with his roommate but his roommate can’t go anymore, so he invited me. I said maybe, as I wasn’t entirely sure if I could go.
Recently, I’ve been tight with money. I got into a major car accident a few months ago and I left my old job. I started working at a new one but I still don’t have a car and I’m a full time student in college. My parents are also very difficult and tend to be overbearing and don’t let me leave or do things. I have never left the state on my own so that is also a major thing.
Im buying a car soon so that shouldn’t be the issue but im extremely worried about the cost. Im tight on money and I know I can afford it, im more worried about he backlash im going to get from my parents. I know that im technically an adult now and I personally feel like I should do this because I need that step towards independence, but I know this isn’t really a good financial decision.
My boyfriend says not to worry too much about the money and he can cover the difference if it’s too much, but I think im genuinely more stressed about bringing it up with my parents. My step mother used to be severely abusive and I was never allowed to go anywhere or do anything. The thought of her just guilt tripping me or saying other things makes me feel sick. I want to go so badly but I need to let them know.
I know im probably overthinking all of this but I just need advice I guess on how to bring it up to my parents and maybe what to do about the stress. I need pure honesty.

I'm seeing that alot of my comments being downvoted, I have being rude to people, I have said lots of things on Reddit I shouldn't say!!! Most of the downvotes are me dating a 12 year old, which we have broken up! My reddit account is on a warning for that & I seriously don't want my Reddit account to get permanently banned!!!
So I'm just taking a break off Reddit for a bit, I will reply to your comments today, but starting tomorrow, I'm leaving for awhile!

The amount of care that some parents seem not to have breaks my heart the most with this job. I just need to vent about what just happened a few hours ago.
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I am not even on call today. I was heading to my second job and not even two mins from my house, a vehicle with a bunch of teenagers swerves around me going at least 85mph down the twisty, country backroads. There is a 90* turn not too far ahead and I just knew they weren't going to make the turn. Low and behold, they hit a tree head on going full speed at the curve. Driver didn't even really try to turn. I pull up, flashers on, called dispatch. Kids start jumping out of the vehicle, dumping iceboxes full of beer. Driver was unresponsive, faint pulse, and had a crush injury, passenger went through the windshield, another kid crawls out saying they can't move one side of their body... no one, and I mean no one had on a seat belt. Only 1 adult was in the car, and they were the driver. Everyone reeked of alcohol. What I thought was maybe 4-5 people turned into 7. Well, I stay with them until the trucks show up. Out of all of the kids... only one kids parents showed up. Come to find out, none of their parents knew where they were. They had been partying for days and no ones parents checked on them. Cops had been called on the parents a few days prior due to negligence and abuse according to another family member. When I tell you 4 of them got out and walked around like nothing happened, they were extremely blessed. I really hope they learned a lesson from this. I hate that their parents aren't watching them and letting them run wild. I had one tell me that it always happens to other people, not ourselves. I hope they learn from this, as harsh as that may seem to some. They are just kids... I hope that they find someone who they can look up to and trust.

Fudged up again. I wound up in bad withdrawals recently. The timeline is hazy.
Started to taper since I have seizure history. I went from too many too count (I think I drank a whole handle in 24 hrs), to 16 the next day, to 12 , then 8 yesterday. I was feeling good enough yesterday (although shitty) but I’m in pretty good doses of anti seizure meds from a seizure disorder I had before all the alcohol use. Today I was feeling good and was going to go to sleep totally sober and got a bottle of wine. Then I got another. So I had 8 again.
I’ve been eating and drinking electrolytes and lots of water but I’m still upset that I had 2 bottles of wine.
I was feeling okay to have none today -Then I had one bottle of wine. That would’ve been a reasonable taper. But now I’ve had two.
I should’ve had none. I have so many plans for this next week. It’s hot AF and I don’t want to be sweating like a pig. With the smell of ammonia coming out of my body.
My dreams are the most insane reality only an alcoholic (or maybe other people with mental illness or fevers) could know of. I got caught in a dr. Seuss land of nightmares the other night.
I realized I was dreaming and I was trying to make sure it’s a dream-I attempted to pull someone’s skin on their face and it stretched. That’s when I knew it was a dream. I wanted out of that dream so much. I was searching internally for a way to wake up. I tried everything to wake up. It was so bizarre and intricate. My memories of it are pretty strong, not like a fleeting normal dream. All the people in these dreams have a demonic nature.

..along the lines of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There's a manipulative quality to her. I've known her for 16 years so this isn't a brash, and snap, judgment.
She calls other people stupid to their face if they don't do what she says, or say, and do things, the way she says they should. She lies a lot, like 70% of the time.
I suspect she stole some of my stuff. She also gets into these rage if she doesn't get her way. She talked badly about my Autistic brother, knowing he was Autistic. She hinted that he was stupid.
She has driven dangerously, on purpose, around me, and my friends. The last straw was when she almost got us into another car accident.....and blamed me.
She was severely abused as a child, like physically. I still have a lot of sympathy for her. But I'm drawing a line now. I know that she became this way mostly because of her abuse but my friends, and family members, are my priority, first, before friends. Also, my sanity is also a big priority.
After 16 years of friendship I'm cutting her out.....100% for good! I have compassion for her, but my compassion is from far away!

So I was out in the country at my family's farm today and into the night. As I was picking up a few things around the pond house I noticed the moon was reddish and super bright. It was only about 1/3 of the moon though definitely not a full moon! I only remember this because I was going to ask the kids who could find the moon the fastest and show them how bright it was. However the kids were not near me at the moment and I carried on doing what I was doing not thinking anything of it. When we got into the car on the drive home my husband mentioned how it was a full moon and it was so bright. The Moon was the same reddish color and super bright but it was definitely a full moon and not what I saw about 1.5 hours before that. The Moon was in the same direction in the sky. I was also sober as I was the DD tonight. I don't take any medication. What the hell happened? I'm so confused.

Top actress Yujin Cha seems to have it all: beauty, talent, and success. But her world comes crashing down after a terrible car accident leaves her spirit separated from her body. Desperate to remember what happened on the night of the crash, she asks Chowon -- the college student she hit and the only person who can see her spirit -- if she can borrow her body. In exchange, she offers to help Chow ... Read To The Stars I Love - Chapter 19 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/to-the-stars-i-love/chapter-19

Before I even begin, I want to specify I am mostly posting this just to rant/vent as I have no one in the world to talk to about this.
My very first day ever today was a disaster. First batch was 58 items, and I couldn't find about half of them. By the time I would have everything figured out it would have been WAY past the allotted deadline. I figured I should just cancel this order and someone more experienced can pick it up... the app wouldn't let me cancel! I sat there in the parking lot for 10 minutes contacting support to do so, and by this time I had been out for 45 minutes.
I shortly after accepted another delivery from the same store: 6 items. I got this. All was going fantastically, until I reached an area I have never driven in before. Little did I know, this area has MOBILE FUCKING TRAFFIC CAMERAS mounted to police vehicles that I am 95% confident caught me going over the limit. By how much only the Lord knows as my speedometer is not perfect in the aforementioned old car.
At this point I decided I was done for the day and am now sitting at home. After looking up traffic ticket/defensive driving course fees in my city, I've determined that I just spent two hours of my life to make NEGATIVE $230 DOLLARS.
I feel like crying. Every time I try to make a little extra dough on the side I end up getting screwed and being worse off than where I started. Fuck this world entirely.

Where to even start....
Together 7 years , we bought our house together 3 years ago , we both have 1 kid each from previous ex's and last year we had our son together :) he is almost 1 yo now
Our bigger kids are 8 and 9 years old ( shared custody with are ex's)
I take my oldest son every other weekend
My gf dosent like my son.... she dosent like being a mother in law... she finds him anoying, disrespectfull, unpolite and not well raised by her mother... Theres a lot of hate and resentment comming from her towards her mother and my son.. Its unhealthy..
Today was a normal day, i wake up make him a sandwich , play outside , we went for a short family bike ride . Gf and baby took a nap while me and my son painted a chair, then went to mcdonalds cool
We had a pretty chill day if you ask me
But at bed time she goes crazy , she got no patience for anything yelling at us that she just wants peace and quiet
Idk we didnt do anything wrong We even washed her car and mine and she said ( i dont give a shit about my car)
She kept yelling the same stuff over and over about the routine and he should be in bed sleeping at 9pm Saying stuff l would never say in front of a kid Now my son does not want to come here anymore because she yelling too much
I feel so bad for him that he has to go through this and i want an apologie from her
But it just made it worse , last thing she said was she wanted to leave me then went to bed
Money is also a big issue wich i dont understand.... i pay the mortgage in full , all the taxes,house insurrance ,my car and my phone i also do a small grocery run on the weekend....
She pays the electrical bill, internet and grocerys
She constantly says that she pays for everything lol
But i just put 1000$ on mortgage and taxes.... I dont get it? What am i missing?
She ask me to pay half her 100$ at the grocery store hmmmm ok but i just paid a huge ammount for us to have a roof above our head and would apreciate any help you can provide type of thing....
It was me that amassed enough money to get this house in the first place if was only her she would still be in that appartment
But its never enough
I work hard, handle my responsibilitys, keep things clean, dont drink nor take drugs , i dont obligate her to work full time i just want a bit of help you know, Im trying my best to keep things together but dont know how long i will last if i continue to be treated this way...
No appreciation is given for what i provide Why she has to be so negative about everything?

I had a guest booked for a one night stay. I messaged her the day of her check out and said “Good morning! When you check out today just lock up behind you and leave the garage door closed. No rush, you got there late yesterday and the housekeeper won’t be in until 1-ish.” (The housekeeper wasn’t actually due that afternoon, I said that to provide a general timeline about what I meant by “take your time”).
I see them leave around 12:50 on the ring doorbell and go about my day without thinking about it any further. I fail to disable their smart lock access at that time, having seen them leave.
Around 8 pm, I get a ring notification that there’s a person at the backdoor. I look and see that they’ve come back in and out and immediately get weirded out. I message her “Hi [name], did you return to the home this evening after check out?” No response. I disable their lock access.
Since I was out of town, I ask my dad to go check on the house immediately. He goes over there and their car is in the garage and their stuff is still in the home. He leaves right away without touching anything and lets me know it looks like they have failed to check out.
No response from the guest still, though not much time has passed. I told my dad to just hang out around the property and wait for them to come back while I file an Airbnb ticket. At this point I suspected that they were intentionally avoiding checking out/responding to me. I file the ticket and ask my dad to contact law enforcement, because when they returned I wanted them to be escorted in and out just to get their things.
By now I’m panicking and assuming the worst. I call my housekeeper who knows the place like the back of her hand. She offered to drive down and look inside to make sure everything inside was as it should be (the home is from 1860 and full of antiques I’ve cultivated over the last two years and precious to me). She and her husband come by, chat with my dad in the parking lot for a while, and then they enter the home.
This is where it gets super messy. As they go into the home, they forget to lock it behind them. Just about about at this exact moment, the guests return and enter the home. My housekeeper exits through the front door, walks around back, knocks, and tells them that she’s the housekeeper and that checkout was at 1. The man answers the door and is aggressive right off the bat. He tells her to “go the fuck away.” As this confrontation is happening, the wife texts me, simply: “yes” to my message from an hour and a half prior asking if she’d re-entered the home. I tell her “I’m sorry, that is not okay. You need to vacate the property.” And she says “I thought we had until tomorrow.” This exchange is happening as her husband is still speaking to my housekeeper at the door.
She asks my housekeeper to call me, and she and I have a conversation. She insists they thought they had until the next day, and that it was an honest mistake. I told her I hope she understands why it looked bad and why I became immediately concerned. She never expressed any surprise or remorse for being there at night 9 hours after checkout time without any communication. There was no apology about being there without a reservation. They said they were opting to pack up and leave.
My dad had called the police (as I had requested much earlier) at the time the guests had shown back up. When they did arrive, they stood by and kept the peace while the guests packed up and left.
My initial gut reaction at the beginning of this was that they were not trustworthy and that I was dealing with a bad situation. I am new-ish to Airbnb and nervous about my home. I have never had a guest do anything even remotely sketchy and didn’t have a lot of levelheadedness at the time. I don’t think I have a lot of tools in my toolbox yet for dealing with something outside the scope of the standard “check in, check out, no weirdness” script.
In retrospect, I acknowledge that if it truly was an honest mistake then I came in super hot. I brought in multiple people to the scene, assumed the worst, and escalated it so much further than it had to be.
On the other hand, though, I feel like not everything adds up. They were EXTREMELy aggressive when my people showed up. There was no communication, and I feel like it would extremely difficult to not realize for the entire duration of that time that you’d gotten the dates of your reservation wrong.
Obviously this is going to bring on a spiteful, hate-filled review no matter which way you slice it. I probably shot myself in the foot, and I’m upset about that. I feel a bit wishy washy on if I made the right call trusting my gut. I’m conflicted on whether or not they were taking me for a ride or if they made a legit booking mistake. Help! I truly need unbiased responses.
Please don’t be too mean, even if you think I’m a blundering idiot.

I started my healing journey in the end of 2020. It was when I started therapy.
At first, I was doing therapy with an Psychoanalyst. After a few months, she said that I didnt have depression (that is what i always thought i had, since i was 11). I was sad and struggling, but the actual diagnose of depression, no, I probably didnt have - that is what she said. After a year with her, I changed to a Psychologist.
After two sessions the Psychologist said I probably had Bipolar Disorder. According to her, I was a person with a very white and black way of thinking, always hurting myself, and viewing things and people with extreme lenses - with a quick search i saw those were def bpd symptons. I stopped having sessions with her. The only good thing was that she pushed me to see a Psychiatrist. And that is what I did.
He told me I probably had Borderline Personality Disorder - in the first session. He prescribed me antidepressants and anxiolytics - i ended up never taking those.
The new Psychologist that i have to this day, says that she is not sure what i have. She doesnt like labels.
To this day, Im still very confused on what I have. And i still doubt that I have Bpd. Because I lack a lot of the symptons. But at the same time, If not Bpd, than what? I know that I have something, and Bpd is what I connect with the most.
Here is what happened with me and why I think I may have bpd:
As a kid, I went thru several traumas: i was in a car crash at 4 and i lost my brother in the accident. I remember almost everything of it. My parents never talked about it with me. I had to go thru grieve alone. At 5, my grandma sexually assaulted me. Twice. It took me years to realize what actually happened. I used to love her. My mom was also cold and distant, and im pretty sure i was neglected. I was a very lonely child; always playing alone, eating alone. Somehow I was always alone. Also, my parents used to fight a lot. I never saw the physical fights, but i could hear screams and things breaking. It was hell. I dont know if my dad used to beat my mom. But i think he did. What im sure is that he always cheated on her. I was bullied constantly by my "friends" between the age of 11 and 13. At 15 years old i moved to a totally different country and got bullied there too. I was alone with no friends in the first two whole years of high school. At 16, i had a fight with my mom and tried to kill myself (it didnt work. at all. i just felt sleepy). At 21 I drank half a bottle of vodka so i could be brave enough to kill myself and i only got sick and didnt do anything. At 22 i was on my way to kill myself and than i gave up.
Sometimes im suicidal, sometimes i really love life. Is scary. It makes me worried for my well being. Is like there is two of me and makes me feel powerless about my own self and actions. Is crazy.
I also went thru very toxic relationships. I was also toxic myself. If the person did something i didnt like or if i didnt feel loved enough, i would cheat. I cheated in all my relationships. I had a boyfriend that would threaten me, saying he would kill himself if i leave him. He would show me his cuts.
And in regards of the last boyfriend that i had (between 19 years old and 21), I also would cut myself so I could have his attention. I did that for him to care; for him to take care of me. We used to live in different cities, and every time he left i would feel like i was going to die. Literally. I told him that once. Once he left, I would be in bed all day. Crying. Grieving his imaginary death.
I also ended up very addicted to weed. That changed my life completly. i would said it saved me for a while; but then destroyed me. I had to move out of the country that i was living, drop out the university i was in and went back to live with my mom - all that to stop smoking. I was using other things to, but in a very unhealthy way (alone, in my room, over dosing): ectasy and ketamine. I also did mushrooms, which was actually good for me. But i was smoking weed every day, and using ectasy and ketamine and mushrooms, all in a period of time of 3 months or less.
Also, I always had compulsive eating... or i would either starve myself. But mostly eating till i get sick.
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I do lack the agressive part of bdp, and this makes me doubt if i really have it.
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If you have Bpd, please help me. I just want a light. I dont want to be confused anymore. I wanna know what i have so i can help myself better. Do you think I could have Bpd or something else? Or for sure is Bpd?
And if you have BPD, how do you experience it? How it is for you?

Background info: 26F in TN, wrecked my old car in December of 22 and had to quickly buy a replacement car. I stupidly went alone to a dealership after finding a car on autotrader I wanted to take a look at. A 2021 Hyundai Elantra with 8600 miles.
I was talked into getting it that night. The car wasn't starting that night which the salesman assured me was due to the lights being left on. I bought it that night anyway. Yes I know I am stupid. I know in the future to get an inspection on a used vehicle before buying.
I took a loaner home that night. The salesman was texting me the next day saying that there were some "fuse" issues that needed to get looked at with Hyundai and they would schedule it but I could take it home in the meantime. I went and picked it up. Yes I know I am stupid.
I noticed the blind spot wasn't working and the reverse sensor wasn't either. These were the "fuse" issues. I scheduled an appt with Hyundai the soonest available in March. When I finally got it checked out by Hyundai (4 months after buying) they told me the car had been in a wreck (not on the CarFax) and there was no blind spot module and the bumper had bondo in it. Hyundai recommended replacing the bumper. That plus a new blind spot would cost $4,000.
I called the original dealership and spoke to them and they told me to take it to them to check it out. I brought it in and they had it for 3 weeks and they did replace the blind spot but that is it. I asked them to take back the car for what I paid for it (nicely) and he (nicely) said that they would not because it had been so many months. (This was because of scheduling issues with Hyundai)
I was okay(ish) with all that (except feeling stupid about the damaged bumper). Until I was cleaning out my trunk today and lifted the trunk liner and there was about two inches of standing water around the spare. I had noticed my stuff in the trunk kept getting moist but I assumed that I spilled something or a drink can had burst at some point. So there must be a leak somewhere, possibly in the damaged bumper?
Anyway, I don't feel like I should go back to the dealership because I feel like they are washing their hands of me and they won't fix it. (because they don't have to because it is an as is sale).
Here's the details of the sale: Purchase price: $25,500 Downpayment: $3,000 Taxes: $2,800 ish warranty: $2,500 (later refunded) Gap: $1,000 (refunded due to refinance) Insurance paid out on my totaled car: $8,000 Total financed in the beginning: $29,000 ish After the refunds and insurance money I now owe: $16,500 ish My monthly payment: $338.02
I don't want to keep the car any longer because of the sour taste in my mouth on the whole deal. I am wanting to downgrade cars and get something around $15k-$20k.
I want some advice on whether I should just keep my car or trade it in on something cheaper.
KBB says it is worth around 21,000. If I trade it in now, am I losing the original sales price (25,500) minus the current value (21,000) so 4,500? Or should I include the taxes as a loss too? Is this a lot to be out? My new monthly payment would be around $200, so would save $138 a month.
What are some other things to think about?

as expected my bills won’t like this time off my feet (i’m a waitress and i’m usually on my feet for 6-10 hours a day making pretty decent money) i’m not sure how long i’ll be out of work, i have to schedule with an orthopedic doctor to see what the prognosis is on healing. i’m already behind (playing catch up) on rent due to a car accident a few months back, and now with a broken foot my luck is just really just testing my limits lately!! so literally any advice/job recommendations will help!
thank you for any advice in advance, and if anybody desires to be a sweet generous soul and contribute to try and help me through the constant cycle of life fuckery i will post my cashapp upon request LMAO i’ve learned the hard way never to ask for financial help so this is a leap for me ~i’m also thinking with this time off i can get back into my hobbies/crafts to sell online. if anyone contributes i can repay you with a homemade craft of sorts! i make jewlery, wire wrapped stones, paintings, candles, small bone oddity crafts, tattoo designs, anything really!!~
with love, xoxo ✨