It was January 2022. A new wave of Covid hit, and it devastated the workforce in the major cities here. On average, about half the workforce for any industry was home sick for about a week at the same time.
Shelves in supermarkets weren't stocked because there weren't enough workers to keep them full. The number of bus routes were cut in half. The list goes on.
At my retail store, all but two of us were sick. With two people on staff, we couldn't get to everything, so we had to decide what parts of the job we'd neglect. Most of our revenue is from online sales, so we decided to close the store and focus on dispatching online orders. We still had to answer phone calls and emails though, so we were very stressed.
This was only happening in the major cities of course, more rural locations dodged the major disruptions.
One day, I got a call from a customer. He placed an online order the day prior, paid for express post, but noticed it hadn't been sent. He called, asked why it hadn't been sent. I looked on his account, and saw he lived in a rural town hours away. This was the conversation:
Cuntstomer: Hi I placed an order yesterday with express post, why hasn't it been sent yet?
Me: very sorry, there's only two of us on staff because of Covid and we are doing the best we can to keep up with the online orders.
Cuntstomer: but I paid for express.
Me: yes, and as I explained, there's only two of us on staff, we've had to close the store, and there's a lot of orders to pack and we pack them from oldest to newest, we're trying our best.
Cuntstomer: well, your best isn't good enough. I paid for express, it should have been sent out by now.
My best wasn't good enough? What an absolute piece of shit. At this point, I had dealt with enough stress, so I let him have it.
Me: paying for express doesn't mean we pack the order faster, it means that once the courier has it, they deliver it to you faster. That extra money you spent doesn't go to me or this company, it goes to the courier. There are orders older than yours, they have priority, they have waited longer than you and will be packed first.
Cuntstomer: I don't care, you need to ship it today.
Me: I can't promise that. Do you have any idea what Covid has done to the workforce here?
Cuntstomer: no and I don't care. If you don't ship my order today, I promise I'll never shop with you again.
I genuinely laughed out loud at that.
Me: I literally could not care less, it's no skin off my nose.
At that point, I hung up.
For the entrée of my revenge, I purposely skipped his order even though I caught up to it. It got sent the next day.
The main course though, that was tasty. I blocked his account so he couldn't shop with us again. He promised he wouldn't, so I wanted to make sure he didn't break his promise.
He tried to though. He made another account. I recognised the name, and confirmed it was him through the shipping address.
I cancelled the order and processed the refund.
For revenge's dessert, I did something truly petty. When you process a refund, you reverse the payment made by the debit card. You can put a note in it when you do so, so the customer knows why that money is reappearing in their bank.
The note I put was "to help you keep your promise"

Hey y'all, this is a throw away account because I've gotta vent about this and also get some advice, but I don't want it to be attached to me in real life in case this gets to anyone involved.
I (23F) got in an argument with my mom (51F) a while back about my brother (18M).
For context, I work with teenagers and kids professionally, and in January was fired from my job with no cause provided (where I'm located that's totally legal to do so I don't want to get lost down THAT rabbit hole)
Part of getting fired was being offered severance but only if I signed an NDA basically agreeing to not contact any kids associated with that organization, and to not talk to anyone about the nature in which I was fired except for a few people I got exclusive permission to talk to to get advice.
I didn't want to sign it but I did because financially I couldn't afford not to. Since then I've done really well in healing, and my best friend who still works with that org has helped my former students move on.
Recently, my brother ran into a former student and when asked about why I left told them EVERYTHING. I hadn't even told him what happened so I don't know how he found out. But this student took all of the information to the youth group, and now there's more gossip going around that hurts my former students, as well as the possibility of legal issues down the road because it looks like I broke the NDA.
My best friend told me about this and ask I talk to my mom or him about it so it doesn't happen again. I agreed and called my mom immediately to get it resolved. It started out okay, but then she got defensive and started questioning the legitimacy of my claim. She questioned whether my best friend or the student were telling the truth. I argued back and said I trust both of them because they're both brutally honest about what is going on.
She and I argued a bit more and I ended up lighting up a bit on her. I told her she always does this where she defends my brother no matter what he did, especially when it comes to my career. When my brother was apart of this group he wouldn't listen to my instruction and even scream and cuss at me in front of my bosses and students, but I was always told I must have instigated it, or that I was triggered and trying to control him. Because I try to control people when I'm anxious (which she's always told me but when I talked to my therapist she told me what I was doing wasn't controlling others)
When he brought a pocket knife to group and my boss told him to put it away and not bring it again he argued with both my boss and then me, resulting in the same screaming and cussing me out at work. I was told the same thing as last time, and even told that my boss shouldn't have said that or been rude to my brother because he's a new person my brother has never met. And that my brother's anxiety was triggered and we were both feeding it.
There are other incidents I won't go into, but those are the highlights. Everytime something like what I mentioned happened, I'd get in trouble at work because I always made excuses for his actions, and then I'd get in trouble at home for being controlling and not treating him like the other students.
So when this happened even after leaving that job and she still made excuses, I lit off. I asked her if it even mattered to her that I'd get in legal trouble and she changed the subject. When I realized I had made the situation worse by shouting, I tried to apologize and suggest we go to bed and reconnect in the morning after we've cooled off. She told me I can't just back out of the damage I've already done and escape the consequences. And that I was manipulating her by apologizing now and you can't just apologize halfway through.
At this point I put her on mute so she couldn't hear me, and left it on speaker phone while I listened for the next 25 minutes that I had chose that place over family, that I'm out to get my brother, that I threw my brother under the bus, that I've allowed myself to be weaponized against them by other people, etc.
One thing she kept doing was bringing up last trauma and claiming I must be triggered and emotionally damaged after everything that happened years ago.
She always does that. It like he weaponizes my trauma against me as if I haven't matured or grown as a person since I was 20.
She also told me that I have to pick which family I'm going to serve in a line with. And that my actions meant I wasn't aligning with my family. While the phone was on mute I shouted my answer at her so she still couldn't hear me but I can get it out. And it was simply I choose the family that I hand-picked myself. And that means choosing myself first, even if it means going against y'all and y'all's actions.
After this, and some other issues with her like yellin at me the day I had knee surgery because my SO (23M) didn't answer the front door when she came to bring food, or ignoring me the first month I moved out and then complaining that I went on an independence streak and cut her out to mutual friends, I had enough.
Today she sent me a message about what happened a few days ago. It was very long, essentially she said she and my brother won't apologize for telling the truth because "they didn't sign an NDA" and "Even if it was gossip it was to help you" (yeah great work on that guys), and the only apology I got was she was so sorry that my last job created rifts in my relationship with my brother.
My last job sucked, and they definitely have their fair share of problems that I can make a whole other post about. But they are not the reason my brother and I have riffs in our relationship. It's because he does things carelessly, and he's never ever talked to about it. And I'm always made to apologize whenever I am the one to point these things out.
She constantly talks about how amazing he is, is constantly handing him things in life instead of letting him work for them, and every time we talk on the phone I always hear about how smart and amazing and great and cool he is. But she never ever talks about me or my sister and how amazing we are. We're just kind of her kids that screwed up along the way.
In her 25-minute rant she also compared me to past abusers that I had, saying I was just like them for the way that I was talking about my brother. And she even compared me to my dad which was really ironic for me, because while she was doing that he was actively texting me telling me he loved me and he can't wait to have lunch with me and my SO. My father has apologized for a lot of things that he did in my childhood, but it's like my mom can't even see the things that she did.
After her long message, she also sent me messages about work because we have mutual clients. I replied to her messages about the clients in an email instead of through the text messaging app we use. And I did not acknowledge her message at all. So what is it guys? AITA for ignoring my mom now? Should I give the apology she's waiting for?

Hi Reddit, I am doing a school project and need to interview 10 people. If you don’t have anything to do today would you mind answering my questions? Thank you

Basically, we are having a break right now because she felt lost in life so I agreed to let her think this week (we set ground rules) and today she sent me a message but she takes like 2 hours to respond and is dry. I am tired of this already, is telling her to just be upfront with me and communicate a bad idea? It’s just making me crazy and I want answer…

Soulmage

I'd like to say my reaction to Zhytln walking through our door was swift and decisive. But the four seconds it took for me to process the appearance of the woman who'd tried to invade our minds by proxy felt like a month each, especially when Lucet reacted faster than I.
"Don't move," Lucet snapped, sorrow and fear forming a salted-blood sea of frost and dark, channeled by the memory of a mountain-slope riverbed.
But instead of that enervating attack swallowing the mind manipulator whole... a dam appeared in the river's path. A memory of a dam, as solid in soulspace as the river Lucet was using to control her spell.
Lucet flinched as her spell splashed harmlessly off Zhytln's remembered defense. The mind manipulator held her hands up, revealing them bare of armaments.
Iola hadn't carried a weapon, either.
"Peace, child. Do you think me a fool? I would never start hostilities with a group of unknown power and capabilities."
"I think your introduction to us was trying to hijack our souls with the same bullshit you've infected Knwharfhelm with," Lucet snapped. "What was I supposed to think, when you brushed aside our privacy ward and burst into our—"
"I knocked," Zhytln calmly responded. "Which was more warning than you gave me before trying to drag my location out of a ragtag group of stray children."
Ah. I suppose that explained how she'd found us. It wasn't that none of us had considered the possibility of Zhytln's living memories infecting the kids we'd asked for help—we just didn't think she'd pop up at our door in response. Lucet bristled, and I held up my hands in a calming gesture. "Uh, Lucet? Can we talk for a moment?"
Lucet jerked her head at Zhytln. "In front of her?"
I sighed. "Sansen, can—"
Before I even finished the sentence, Sansen rearranged his soul, lowering the barriers of memory that protected his emotions from outside manipulation. I drew the red ink of boredom from his soul and flooded the area around us with it, slowing down time in a tightly controlled bubble. The world outside turned a faint red tint, Zhytln slowing to a third of her ordinary speed. To her, our words would be an incomprehensible blur.
"Lucet, maybe we shouldn't antagonize the mind-controlling soul-warping mystery witch who may or may not be our only hope of avoiding death by cancer?"
Lucet scowled. "Yeah, yeah, I'm a loose cannon who can't be trusted. I'll sit quietly in the back of the room and keep my mouth shut when—"
"You know that's not what he meant, Lucet," Sansen spoke up. With the boredom rapidly draining from his soul to power the time differential, he looked... more animated than before. "Or did you forget who killed that man?"
Whatever Lucet was about to say died on her lips. Sansen responding to us before we finished speaking tended to have that effect.
"You wanted to learn if she's even capable of healing the three of us," Lucet finally said. "I'll play along, but if she tries anything funny, I'll kill her."
"Her control over memories terrifies me," Meloai admitted. "I don't know if you noticed, but her memory of that dam was detailed. To an extent far beyond anything we've managed so far. I wouldn't be surprised if she can simply counter any spell we create simply by interfering with its soulspace form."
"Yeah, well, I haven't seen her cast a real spell yet. Let's see her cast counterspell on my fist," Lucet said.
I squeezed Lucet's hand, and she blinked at me, surprised. "Hopefully it doesn't come to that." Sansen's soul had almost run out of boredom—I suppose it was hard to stay bored when Zhytln was right in front of us—so I held up a finger in warning and dropped the spell, the simple bowl I'd conjured in soulspace vanishing to let the bubble of boredom around us splash away.
Zhytln seemed to have noticed our bubble of accelerated time, because while we'd been talking she'd folded her arms, leaning back on a wall to wait. Despite her relaxed posture, though, her soulspace was...
What in the name of the fuck was wrong with her thoughts?
Though I was relatively new to life as a soulmage, I had a fair amount of experience matching souls to thoughts and emotions. My fear manifested as pulsating blood, lit by the dancing fires of flickering hope; in order to hide my emotions from casual inspection and manipulation, I'd wrapped my soul in the memory of a simple wooden hut from the Redlands, providing a measure of defense and privacy.
Zhytln had taken that practice of using memories to manipulate her thoughts and emotions to its limites. Where my soul was quiet save for the gentle crackling of my hopeful flames, Zhytln's soul screeched with a sound like grinding metal. A massive, impossible construct of ticking-things and wires loomed large where her emotions should have been, gears meshing in thin air and pipes twisting in impossible dimensions around a massive metal dish.
And there were memories of people in her soul. Running back and forth around the surreal, screaming machinery, oiling gears and fixing pipes and barely holding the construct together.
Zhytln tilted her head slightly. "It's impolite to stare."
I gathered my thoughts and backed away, glancing at my companions. Judging by the fact that none of them were eyeing Zhytln, they hadn't tried to peer into her soul yet.
Jiaola spoke up from my left. "I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot." He held out a hand, determination clinking in his soul. "Why don't we start with what you want from us?"
"A band of five veteran magic users arrived in my town and immediately began disrupting my computing cluster," Zhytln explained. Her... what? "Furthermore, some of you—" she pointedly did not look at Lucet, who was still aiming her bow of salt at Zhytln—"have treated me with nothing but violent rhetoric and hostilities. I wanted to have a civilized discussion and see if we can't reach some kind of agreement."
"I don't know what a computing cluster is, but if you're talking about the emotional manipulation spells you've been casting on the populace, you're damn right we have a problem with that," Lucet snapped.
Zhytln frowned. "What quarrel do you have with me?"
"What quarrel do you have with us?" Lucet demanded back.
Zhytln stared at us, then closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "We will never get anywhere if we don't answer each others' questions. I offer this structure: I will give you one truth about my actions, and you will answer one question of mine in kind. Then you will supply one truth about your actions, and I will answer one question of yours to reciprocate. We will iterate this process until our goals are clarified."
The five of us shared confused glances. "You say that like it's standard practice," Meloai noted, "but I've never met any person who's held a conversation like that before."
Zhytln shrugged. "Then you have never met me. Do we have a deal?"
Well. It wasn't like we didn't have questions for Zhytln of our own. "We have a deal," I confirmed.
Zhytln smiled. "Then let me provide you with truth."
A.N.
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A Book I Wrote
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A while ago I described how I deleted a bunch of porn images.
This is a looooong story, you have been warned, I don't think you can follow through (clearly not reverse psychology).
Well, I also had a bunch of links for porn, about like 50-60 pages of Word pages full of links. Yes, it was that bad. It doesn't end there, I had other documents for images, albums, artists, ero-text. It was time consuming, I didn't sleep well, and of course, I fapped everytime I saw those links. I fapped to the point my pee pee hurt.
One day I decided to work on my confidence to fight anxiety, lonelyness, social fear. I started to workout. My clothing only consisted of a loose shirts and pants. I started to use what I always wanted to use: formal shirts and dress pants. I wanted to talk to people, so I thought people only want something from everyone so I brought Trident mint gums to my workplace.
I offered them a gum and asked how long have you worked for the company? Do you study? Do you have time for hobbies? I met incredible people, crazy people, and people who I avoided later: selfish, inconsiderate people.
And of course, I met a beautiful woman I connected with, but there was one problem. She had a boyfriend, and my interest was not corresponded. The worst part is, when I showed her my interest, she answered back.
I gave her some snacks, she gave me some. I gave her compliments, she gave me some. We had some over the tone jokes between us, we hugged, touched and joked about how we are not even a couple to do this kind of stuff.
But I knew this had to end. If she had a boyfriend, why didn't she stop me? I knew I also was guilty, if she had a boyfriend, why did I continue? I had to put an end, followed the example of Jim, character from the series "The office" and told her:
I'm interested in you, you show the interest in the way I need it, you go to theaters and I really like the way you laugh, I know you have a boyfriend, and I can't change that. I just needed you to know, and to leave pressure I joked about her laugh Deadpool like: What the shit! That's the coolest laugh ever! And she burst out laughing!
But of course, she rejected me and put me on friendzone... Or at least she tried. I said: No no no, I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to be friends. I want more than that.
She explained how she was having a hard time with her boyfriend, and to my surprise, the boy made her cry that day. I'm glad I put a smile on her face. What are the odds. But no means no, we agreed we weren't going to loose manners, and if we needed help on work, we will be more than glad to give. But that's it, nothing more. And that's now.
In this point, I want to remark one thing. 3 months ago I would have accepted being friends, hoping one day she will give me a chance. But it doesn't work that way, if you accept being friends, you are desperate and accept to be with her on her terms. You are easy to manipulate.
You have to let go, but it's also not that easy. (If you let go to later gain her, it doesn't count, you have TO LET GO).
You see, the main reason why I was so confident rejecting being friends, is because I already had friends! The people who accepted my gums! Because I dressed better and worked out, I can look for other fish on this huge sea! Because I worked on my confidence, I no longer fear lonelyness and I control better my anxiety issues!
You have to work on it slowly and patiently. As I said, I took three months. Step by step, you can't force it. And today, after a month of feeling bummed with her decision, I just deleted those porn links for good. NO BACKUPS, NO TEMP FILES, JUST GONE. I wish I could show you a picture of me before and now. I'm from Guatemala, Latin American, and I encourage you to follow my steps and journey to the best version of yourself.
If you have finished my story, I thank you for your time, and I hope you can follow your best path too. Charles out.

A while ago I described how I deleted a bunch of porn images.
This is a looooong story, you have been warned, I don't think you can follow through (clearly not reverse psychology).
Well, I also had a bunch of links for porn, about like 50-60 pages of Word pages full of links. Yes, it was that bad. It doesn't end there, I had other documents for images, albums, artists, ero-text. It was time consuming, I didn't sleep well, and of course, I fapped everytime I saw those links. I fapped to the point my pee pee hurt.
One day I decided to work on my confidence to fight anxiety, lonelyness, social fear. I started to workout. My clothing only consisted of a loose shirts and pants. I started to use what I always wanted to use: formal shirts and dress pants. I wanted to talk to people, so I thought people only want something from everyone so I brought Trident mint gums to my workplace.
I offered them a gum and asked how long have you worked for the company? Do you study? Do you have time for hobbies? I met incredible people, crazy people, and people who I avoided later: selfish, inconsiderate people.
And of course, I met a beautiful woman I connected with, but there was one problem. She had a boyfriend, and my interest was not corresponded. The worst part is, when I showed her my interest, she answered back.
I gave her some snacks, she gave me some. I gave her compliments, she gave me some. We had some over the tone jokes between us, we hugged, touched and joked about how we are not even a couple to do this kind of stuff.
But I knew this had to end. If she had a boyfriend, why didn't she stop me? I knew I also was guilty, if she had a boyfriend, why did I continue? I had to put an end, followed the example of Jim, character from the series "The office" and told her:
I'm interested in you, you show the interest in the way I need it, you go to theaters and I really like the way you laugh, I know you have a boyfriend, and I can't change that. I just needed you to know, and to leave pressure I joked about her laugh Deadpool like: What the shit! That's the coolest laugh ever! And she burst out laughing!
But of course, she rejected me and put me on friendzone... Or at least she tried. I said: No no no, I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to be friends. I want more than that.
She explained how she was having a hard time with her boyfriend, and to my surprise, the boy made her cry that day. I'm glad I put a smile on her face. What are the odds. But no means no, we agreed we weren't going to loose manners, and if we needed help on work, we will be more than glad to give. But that's it, nothing more. And that's now.
In this point, I want to remark one thing. 3 months ago I would have accepted being friends, hoping one day she will give me a chance. But it doesn't work that way, if you accept being friends, you are desperate and accept to be with her on her terms. You are easy to manipulate.
You have to let go, but it's also not that easy. (If you let go to later gain her, it doesn't count, you have TO LET GO).
You see, the main reason why I was so confident rejecting being friends, is because I already had friends! The people who accepted my gums! Because I dressed better and worked out, I can look for other fish on this huge sea! Because I worked on my confidence, I no longer fear lonelyness and I control better my anxiety issues!
You have to work on it slowly and patiently. As I said, I took three months. Step by step, you can't force it. And today, after a month of feeling bummed with her decision, I just deleted those porn links for good. NO BACKUPS, NO TEMP FILES, JUST GONE. I wish I could show you a picture of me before and now. I'm from Guatemala, Latin American, and I encourage you to follow my steps and journey to the best version of yourself.
If you have finished my story, I thank you for your time, and I hope you can follow your best path too. Charles out.

Theres no way to make this short but to summarize most of the first half, my dad left before i was born. When i was five my mom introduced me to him and my entire life was turned around. Ive never felt like i've truly loved him and certainly have never been comfortable around him. I was my happiest before meeting him, i was forced into having to go to his house without my mother while he was a completely stranger to me. He is your average extreme conservative, masculine burly man. Which as a girl is intimidating in itself being his temper is out of control and he tends to get physical when angry. 10 years in between then and now i've tried my best to form a relationship with him but those ten years were hell. The only reason i was able to power through it was simply by convincing myself i was happy and could last until i am 18 to break contact. Within one post i cannot convey just how fear-instilling and suffocating he is. Fast forward to about a month ago now. I recently got my drivers permit one week before this day, in my state i can't drive alone until i have my license. Ive only ever driven 2 times prior to this. Essentially what he wanted me to do was drive his truck to his friends house while he would drive his jeep in front of me. The jeep was not road legal and neither was I. This combined with a fear of being on the highway with no experience terrified me. I was taking a while to make the first turn off of our street and he pulled over into the grass so i pulled right behind him. He gets out of the jeep and started screaming at me asking what my problem was and started making fun of me when i told him i was too scared to drive. After a long screaming fit we turned around and i went in the jeep with him. This is not the first and not even the worst he's been and usually when he is like this i just shut down and try not to listen to him. Im not sure what possessed me but i decided to give communication a shot. (i have in the past but not in a while since it never ends good) I expressed to him that i felt hurt over him yelling at me for not wanting to do something that was already illegal. He went on a rant saying that im too emotional and started blaming puberty and doing everything including saying i have "womanly emotions" to disregard everything i was saying and make me feel like i was crazy for not wanting to be cursed and yelled at. I told him he was blaming everyone but himself and to stop yelling, to which he replied by stoping the vehicle that was still in motion and turning around getting close enough to our nose to touch and he started yelling as loud as he could and said "STOP TELLING ME IM YELLING DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME EFFING YELL." Admittedly i am sensitive but i managed to not cry through this. On monday (the day i get to go back to my moms) he was dropping me off at school and i wasnt ignoring him but i wasnt speaking unless he directly spoke to me and when i did speak i was short with my answers. This was met with yet another outburst calling me disrespectful and saying theres something seriously wrong with me. Due to all of the above events i feel like i had finally had my mental break. I wasnt able to go back to convincing myself everything was fine. I became extremely depressed the entire week basically crying through every period at school. My teacher took notice and though im used to not telling adults anything because of past experiences with dcf being called and making things worse i broke down and explained in detail everything. I made him promise to not tell anyone but my worst fear came true and dcf (basically child protective services) opened up a case. This infuriated my father and he even came to my mothers house to yell at me. To cut it short dcf did nothing and claimed my wish to escape him was too sudden. So nothing happened like always and ended in me being in more trouble and more afraid. He turned off my phone service aswell so that i cant talk to anyone. He claims i broke his "golden rule" which is that i am not allowed to speak to anyone about him or things that happen at his house. Now things havent been great at my dads. this week is his again and tensions have been high. For context i recently began going to the gym with my friend, which he also had a problem with for some reason. I mentioned before he turned my service off meaning after school or after the gym me and him have no way of communicating which is a problem when hes picking me up. Youd think this would make him turn my phone back on but no. My gym is about a 30 minute walk from my school. He told me i need to start walking back to school by 4pm. This has been doable, though frustrating him because itd be much quicker for him to pick me up being he has a vehicle but oh well. This has decreased my gym time tremendously and shows his total disregard for my time. Today however was leg day, due to ky legs feeling weak after an hour kong leg workout i was a bit slower than usual. When i got into the car my dad told me in a stern voice that im not allowed to go to the gym anymore and that i have no respect for his time. According to my sister they had only been waiting for 5 minutes. He told me he thought i was being slow on purpose to spite him and went on a 30 minute rant about me calling dcf and other random things. Im overwhelmingly sad when im at his house and stressed when at my moms because i know ill have to go back soon. Im unhappy and am realizing i have been for so long and i feel trapped. I feel like theres nothing i can do and i don't know if i can make it another 3years of his mental abuse. This is a cry for help , i want to know my options and how i can leave and live with my mom. Im desperate.

A while ago I described how I deleted a bunch of porn images.
This is a looooong story, you have been warned, I don't think you can follow through (clearly not reverse psychology).
Well, I also had a bunch of links for porn, about like 50-60 pages of Word pages full of links. Yes, it was that bad. It doesn't end there, I had other documents for images, albums, artists, ero-text. It was time consuming, I didn't sleep well, and of course, I fapped everytime I saw those links. I fapped to the point my pee pee hurt.
One day I decided to work on my confidence to fight anxiety, lonelyness, social fear. I started to workout. My clothing only consisted of a loose shirts and pants. I started to use what I always wanted to use: formal shirts and dress pants. I wanted to talk to people, so I thought people only want something from everyone so I brought Trident mint gums to my workplace.
I offered them a gum and asked how long have you worked for the company? Do you study? Do you have time for hobbies? I met incredible people, crazy people, and people who I avoided later: selfish, inconsiderate people.
And of course, I met a beautiful woman I connected with, but there was one problem. She had a boyfriend, and my interest was not corresponded. The worst part is, when I showed her my interest, she answered back.
I gave her some snacks, she gave me some. I gave her compliments, she gave me some. We had some over the tone jokes between us, we hugged, touched and joked about how we are not even a couple to do this kind of stuff.
But I knew this had to end. If she had a boyfriend, why didn't she stop me? I knew I also was guilty, if she had a boyfriend, why did I continue? I had to put an end, followed the example of Jim, character from the series "The office" and told her:
I'm interested in you, you show the interest in the way I need it, you go to theaters and I really like the way you laugh, I know you have a boyfriend, and I can't change that. I just needed you to know, and to leave pressure I joked about her laugh Deadpool like: What the shit! That's the coolest laugh ever! And she burst out laughing!
But of course, she rejected me and put me on friendzone... Or at least she tried. I said: No no no, I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to be friends. I want more than that.
She explained how she was having a hard time with her boyfriend, and to my surprise, the boy made her cry that day. I'm glad I put a smile on her face. What are the odds. But no means no, we agreed we weren't going to loose manners, and if we needed help on work, we will be more than glad to give. But that's it, nothing more. And that's now.
In this point, I want to remark one thing. 3 months ago I would have accepted being friends, hoping one day she will give me a chance. But it doesn't work that way, if you accept being friends, you are desperate and accept to be with her on her terms. You are easy to manipulate.
You have to let go, but it's also not that easy. (If you let go to later gain her, it doesn't count, you have TO LET GO).
You see, the main reason why I was so confident rejecting being friends, is because I already had friends! The people who accepted my gums! Because I dressed better and worked out, I can look for other fish on this huge sea! Because I worked on my confidence, I no longer fear lonelyness and I control better my anxiety issues!
You have to work on it slowly and patiently. As I said, I took three months. Step by step, you can't force it. And today, after a month of feeling bummed with her decision, I just deleted those porn links for good. NO BACKUPS, NO TEMP FILES, JUST GONE. I wish I could show you a picture of me before and now. I'm from Guatemala, Latin American, and I encourage you to follow my steps and journey to the best version of yourself.
If you have finished my story, I thank you for your time, and I hope you can follow your best path too. Charles out.

A while ago I described how I deleted a bunch of porn images.
This is a looooong story, you have been warned, I don't think you can follow through (clearly not reverse psychology).
Well, I also had a bunch of links for porn, about like 50-60 pages of Word pages full of links. Yes, it was that bad. It doesn't end there, I had other documents for images, albums, artists, ero-text. It was time consuming, I didn't sleep well, and of course, I fapped everytime I saw those links. I fapped to the point my pee pee hurt.
One day I decided to work on my confidence to fight anxiety, lonelyness, social fear. I started to workout. My clothing only consisted of a loose shirts and pants. I started to use what I always wanted to use: formal shirts and dress pants. I wanted to talk to people, so I thought people only want something from everyone so I brought Trident mint gums to my workplace.
I offered them a gum and asked how long have you worked for the company? Do you study? Do you have time for hobbies? I met incredible people, crazy people, and people who I avoided later: selfish, inconsiderate people.
And of course, I met a beautiful woman I connected with, but there was one problem. She had a boyfriend, and my interest was not corresponded. The worst part is, when I showed her my interest, she answered back.
I gave her some snacks, she gave me some. I gave her compliments, she gave me some. We had some over the tone jokes between us, we hugged, touched and joked about how we are not even a couple to do this kind of stuff.
But I knew this had to end. If she had a boyfriend, why didn't she stop me? I knew I also was guilty, if she had a boyfriend, why did I continue? I had to put an end, followed the example of Jim, character from the series "The office" and told her:
I'm interested in you, you show the interest in the way I need it, you go to theaters and I really like the way you laugh, I know you have a boyfriend, and I can't change that. I just needed you to know, and to leave pressure I joked about her laugh Deadpool like: What the shit! That's the coolest laugh ever! And she burst out laughing!
But of course, she rejected me and put me on friendzone... Or at least she tried. I said: No no no, I know what I'm worth, and I'm not going to be friends. I want more than that.
She explained how she was having a hard time with her boyfriend, and to my surprise, the boy made her cry that day. I'm glad I put a smile on her face. What are the odds. But no means no, we agreed we weren't going to loose manners, and if we needed help on work, we will be more than glad to give. But that's it, nothing more. And that's now.
In this point, I want to remark one thing. 3 months ago I would have accepted being friends, hoping one day she will give me a chance. But it doesn't work that way, if you accept being friends, you are desperate and accept to be with her on her terms. You are easy to manipulate.
You have to let go, but it's also not that easy. (If you let go to later gain her, it doesn't count, you have TO LET GO).
You see, the main reason why I was so confident rejecting being friends, is because I already had friends! The people who accepted my gums! Because I dressed better and worked out, I can look for other fish on this huge sea! Because I worked on my confidence, I no longer fear lonelyness and I control better my anxiety issues!
You have to work on it slowly and patiently. As I said, I took three months. Step by step, you can't force it. And today, after a month of feeling bummed with her decision, I just deleted those porn links for good. NO BACKUPS, NO TEMP FILES, JUST GONE. I wish I could show you a picture of me before and now. I'm from Guatemala, Latin American, and I encourage you to follow my steps and journey to the best version of yourself.
If you have finished my story, I thank you for your time, and I hope you can follow your best path too. Charles out.

Apologizes in advance if this counts as being answered in the FAQ, I couldn’t exactly tell if it falls under any of the categories or not.
I’m new to selling on eBay. A couple weeks ago, I sold a lego set to a new account made the week before.
The day It was supposed to arrive, they contacted me saying that it was missing the two biggest builds and the instructions. I asked them if there any tears or seams on the box and sent proof I shipped it with its intended items.
They responded by informing me that the box did indeed have damage to it, and that pieces could have fallen out.
I found it weird that they didn’t mention that first, I feel like when it comes to missing items that would be the first thing to mention.
Now, to insure that lego sets get shipped safely, I tend to take any small pieces and mini figures and put them in a ziplock bag then wrap it in bubble wrap. Main builds usually have small sections taken apart from the rest of the build and bubble wrapped
So, even if there was a small hole, no pieces should have fallen out.
I asked them to send photos and they did. They're was indeed a hole in the side, however, It looked to small to have any of the builds go missing, the instructions sure, but definitely not the dragon. I also thought it was odd that the two smaller bags of pieces didn't fall out but the bigger ones did.
Today they just requested for a refund, but now they’re claiming the box didn’t have a “obvious opening.” Despite the fact the photos showed it clearly did.
Should I be suspicious of this buyer? And should I report them to eBay?

Do you want lung cancer? No, genuine question. Is the feeling you get when you hit your JUUL or Puff worth the emphysema? The popcorn lungs? The chemotherapy? Your hair falling off? Your lungs collapsing? I, like many of you, probably think we’re invincible, that we can keep hitting our vapes hundreds of times a day, but “it’s okay, I’ll be fine, nothing will actually ever happen to me like the rest of them.” Bullshit. That’s exactly what everyone who has ever had a smoking-related illness has thought to themselves, before it actually happened to them. Right now, you probably feel the shortness of breath, the wheezing, the sore throat, practically coughing up your right lung, gagging and almost throwing up from always coughing so much. The pressure and pain in the middle of your chest from your lungs hurting. Answer me, one last question: would you be scared to see the results if they did an X-ray of your lungs? I thought so…because me personally, I’m terrified.
Everyday for the last year and a half, I’ve been begging myself to quit: “Please, quit. Please, quit. When are you going to fcking stop? You’re fcking killing yourself, look how you’re feeling,” I say to myself on a daily basis. Next thing I know, I’m strolling to the smoke shop, with a smile on my face, “Heyyy, how are you? Could I get the mint one please?” I give $15 to the smoke-shop guy who makes money off my health deteriorating, my lungs hurting, my addiction being enabled. I’ve come to the point where I am so f*cking exhausted of telling myself to quit, and so miserable from wanting it so bad, that I have no other choice, but to finally do it.
You will never be able to stop the anxious thoughts in your head begging you to quit until you actually do it. It is a fcking VAPE. Do you understand how pathetic we sound — driving ourselves crazy and feeling shitty about ourselves over not being able quit a fcking VAPE?! I don’t care how bad the withdrawals are, the cravings get, whether every one of my friends is blowing smoke in my face…I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling sick all the time, and most of all, I’m tired of feeling weak. I know it’s easier said and done, but I promise you, you can do it. There’s genuinely nothing better I promise (I’m 17 days weed free) than watching the days go by on your countdown app (I use Days Since) showing you how much hard-work and progress you’ve made since you quit. I’m sorry if I come across insensitive, but we all need tough love sometimes, especially when you don’t give it to yourself.
Today is Day 1 for me, but it’ll be my last Day 1. To many more healthy days, I can’t wait to share my progress, and you should too. Xx

Hey everyone, M19, 1,85m tall, 56kg weight, smoked for a week ans then stopped. I need some serious help and answers since all of this is happening to me. On february 11 I was outside with my cousin, I wasn't feeling the best I felt tired and kinda down. I got home and after 5 minutes my left arm started to feel weak, I tried to relax and not panic but it was getting weaker. I yelled that my left arm is getting weak and my parents came in my room. While they were trying to calm me down my right hand also got weak and then my legs, 3 minutes later my arms started to feel numb and tingly. When we got to the emergency room I also had problems breathing since I was panicking. While the doctors were doing their job my face and lips started to feel numb also and after 5 minutes of their job my body felt fine. The doctors asked me do you smoke and do you live healthy, and yes I started smoking ciggaretes about a week before this happened. The doctors said that my body is negative to ciggaretes and that I need to stop drinking energy drinks ( Even tho I drinked about 2 or 3 in a week ). My heart was fine and everything else was fine. ( I also did a blood test a few days later, it came out perfect ) About 12 days later I started to feel weird again and I couldn't breathe. I went to the emergency room again and doctors did their job. And at the end they claimed I have anxiety and depression disorder and that I should start going to a therapist. a few days later I started getting sharp chest and stabbing chest pain that felt awful. It lasted for about 2 weeks. After those 2 weeks I started getting the same feeling in my heart I was scared so I went to the emergency room again. They did an ecg test and my heart was totally fine they claimed its from anxiety again. 2 months later ( today ) I still sometimes feel the heart stabbing feeling and I also feel weak sometimes and sometimes get a slight fever with 37.5° temperature. I get headaches almost everyday and my head feels weird and I also get stomach pain and/or belly button pain that starts to spread to my kidneys and then my back ( it doesnt last for a long time )
If anyone had/has something like this or something similar or if you know what can I do please tell me so I can improve myself and know that this is 100% anxiety and stress. Thank you Reddit community.

That's the advice I left my doctors office with today.
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Sorry in advance for the book here.. I'm just feeling extremely defeated right now.. I tried posting this elsewhere, but it got removed, so I hope this is ok to post here instead. I'm kind of a mess at the moment and need support..
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It was an appointment to establish care with a new GP, which I haven't had in over a year now because I keep forgetting to set up or attend appointments, and I had a list of things I wanted to get taken care of with this new doctor. On that list was finding a place for ADHD screening. A bit of context here, I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, PTSD, insomnia, the works, so of course, everything wrong must be because of that and no other explanations are possible because anxiety / depression can never be symptomatic of something bigger, right? /s
Well.. I had mentioned to the doctor that I'd like to get screened for ADHD at some point somewhere, because as I am right now, I'm not functioning in life. I didn't mention this next part, but for context I have no job, I can't remember to take care of myself, and I lay in bed all day with no energy for anything, and it's affecting me very deeply right now. I'm motivated to do so much, I want to do so much, but I just.. can't. I doubt mentioning that part would've helped though, because as soon as I mentioned the screening, she asked, "Ok, so what makes you think you have ADHD?"
I was a bit caught off guard by this because it's a very.. broad question, I guess? I have no idea how to keep the answer concise so I wasn't entirely sure what to reply at first. After a moment, I thought, "ok.. maybe I should start with the forgetfulness." So I tried to start with an example, and the convo went like this.
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"Well, for one, my memory is incredibly poor I forget everything, regardless of if it's important to me or not, and it's to the point that sometimes I'll even forget what my own home looks like and feel like I'm in a strangers house and get scared," and as I start to move on to the next thing, she cuts me off.
"Well, that sounds more like anxiety to me. I don't see any of the inattention or focus issues there."
"I mean, those are still very much there. Even for things I enjoy or that are important to me, I can't maintain even a shred of focus. I'll zone out of conversations and not know what's going on, and-"
"Mmm, that still very much sounds like anxiety to me. I don't see anything indicating ADHD here. What medicines have you been on for anxiety?"
I list off a couple and say, "I have a hard time remembering the rest. I've been on 10 or more for sure and none of them helped." ( It's actually 20+, I found a note of mine later that had a list so yay, fun /s )
"Ok, well have you tried exercising for your mental health instead?"
I let her know I've tried, but I just can't remember to, she asks some other health questions, and then says, "Ok well, I sent you a list of psychiatrists to your email so you can get checked out for your anxiety-"
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At that point, I was fighting back tears trying to hold my composure and keep the mask on. It's like this every single time. As soon as they catch a glimpse of any mental health issue on my chart, everything I say from then on is now "just anxiety" and is promptly swept under the rug like it was never even important in the first place. All throughout my life, I have struggled with poor memory, focus, time management, etc. Every note my teachers have ever given read somewhere, "If only she'd just apply herself," "she just needs to put in more effort," "If only she cared about her schooling..." Every bit of criticism from family, "Stop being so lazy," "Why don't you care?" "Why won't you just try?"
And yet.. no matter how many anxiety meds I'm spoon fed by people who claim to know my body better than me, I still don't get better. All the while I'm still drowning in expectations that, no matter how hard I push my body, no matter how many limits my body hits that I push past, I just never seem to end up meeting.
You'd think after over a decade of therapy and treatment for depression and anxiety, that'd I'd be better right? I've improved in so many areas of my life. I'm no longer suicidal, I am making a habit of being kinder to myself, I allow myself to set needed boundaries and allow myself to take care of myself, I have the ability to stop a mental spiral before it leads into the dangerous thoughts.. I've come such a long way and and tried so hard to get better.
So why is it that I still can't seem to function..?
Why can I still not hold a job for more than a few months? Why can I still not shower and eat regularly? Why can I still not engage in my hobbies without getting distracted and scrolling social media for easy engagement, despite now having the motivation and drive to do more? Why can I still not remember to keep up with relationships and ruin every friendship I engage in? Why can I still not remember things important to me until it's far too late? Why am I still like this..?
Why, if it's just the anxiety, am I still so broken..?
I finally have the motivation to help myself for the first time in a long time.. and yet, here I am, still just.. stuck... There's gotta be something else wrong, right..? There's gotta be something more than just the anxiety, right..? If not ADHD, there's still something else I can try to fix, right..? I'm not stuck in this endless cycle of try a new med, it doesn't work, I crash and burn and ruin everything I care about again... right..?
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right..?
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Sorry for such a long rant.. I'm just really needing support right now and don't have anywhere to get that at the moment.. Thanks for taking the time to read, and I hope you guys still have a good day, regardless.. <3

I need help and hopefully you guys know the answer. I got summoned for jury duty for the federal court in the state of Delaware . I was supposed to report in the middle of March but it got cancelled. Today I got another summons in the mail for for the State court in Delaware. Is there any way to get out of it even though the federal one was cancelled?

NAD, but an ortho assistant, and trying to find some answers! Our practice was curious if anyone else is finding challenges with Invisalign templates in the last month or so.
We are finding our attachments to be bulky with edges that have to be filled with flowtain. We've also noticed they have become more difficult to remove from the teeth after curing. Today, I was bonding a patient whose template flared up at the gingival edge so the attachments weren't flush to the buccal side of the tooth.
We have noticed these issues across the board with our assistants - anyone else?
Thanks!

You have listed the Nvidia FE 4090 as "Sold out" for more than four months.
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• Dec - Sold Out
• Jan - Sold Out
• Feb - Sold Out
• Mar - Sold Out

Is this a unicorn? or the dead sea scrolls? as it doesn't exist.
Will the head of BestBuy Commodities for GPUs and Nvidia just stop playing games and tell the world they have no surplus or are just not manufacturing? Oh, the 2020 pandemic excuse for the Supply Chain will not work.
Just remove the "SKU" from your store.
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https://preview.redd.it/pj9f1m10drqa1.jpg?width=1238&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=642f2663c1cebf6604a8ffdaf115fc8a3ee7f060

Disclaimer before we start:
Straight up, this is not going to be everyone's cup of tea. As thought provoking as this game has been for me, the story is definitely a little slow and doesn't provide clear answers for everything. That's not a negative mark from me, but i understand that there are many people that vastly prefer tightly wrapped stories that do not rely on audience interpretation. This is also a point and click game which means there are going to be a puzzles and a whole bunch of dialogue. If none of this scares you, then I highly suggest you seek it out on GamePass and give it a shot. I think you'll be hooked after the first act.
I finished Norco about a month ago, and have thought about the ending nearly every day since. This game just begs to be discussed and its been a little frustrating for me that there really isn't that big of a community for it. I feel like if this was an Aster or Aranovsky flick, casual film nerds would be gouging this thing for every last detail.
This is one of those games that is super important to go into blind, but if you want a very short introduction, view the spoiler below.
Norco is a point and click adventure game that takes place in an unknown year in the near future. You play as a woman named Kay who is returning to her hometown after leaving it for five years. The town of Norco resides outside of New Orleans and sits adjacent to a massive oil refinery that is responsible for many of the woes that the town has faced for decades. Kay seeks to uncover the secrets of her home and set her family free.
Now going to get into real spoilers. Once again, I cannot stop you from ruining an experience for yourself, but you should really just play the game before you click this. I know I'm just a random Reddit user to you, but I can assure you that if you're at all into point and and click games or just have a fondness for dark and complex narratives that will stick with you, you will find at the very least a worthwhile experience in Norco.
Yo what the hell was that!
Kay and Katherine are the literal descendants of Jesus Christ. PawPaw is immortal and was one of JC's disciples from back in the day from what I could deduce. His goal is to bring Kay to Heaven, which is another planet, by using a spaceship that is build by a cult of young men that formed from an online forum for men that feel like they don't have a purpose. The space ship is powered by a magical space orb that is designed to look like a biblically accurate angel. This same orb was sought after by the oil refinery CEO that kills herself, a psychedelic monstrosity that formed from an AI built from the memories of Kay's neighbor and the most powerful and influential man in the world that wears a bird head to parties so his daughter doesn't recognize him.
For as completely batshit as some of these plot points are, Norco is still a grimly human story about familial relationships and family trauma. I think that anyone who has moved out of their small hometown is really going to feel some level of guilt from the reverberations of this story. Even though there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to experience elsewhere, Norco really puts into perspective the somewhat morally grey nature of the choice. Nowhere I felt this more than the endings.
There are a few different endings in Norco. By this point, PawPaw has finished his spaceship and is preparing to launch. Kay's brother and Katherine's corpse are tied up. There are two endings that I imagine most people will get. Kay can take her throne in the spaceship. Fly with her family members into almost certain doom. Or she can make the same choice that she made five years ago. Run away and leave them to suffer under the weight of who they are.
As horrifying as both of these endings up being, I think that they can both actually be viewed as heroic with the right perspective. For the first ending, Kay redeems herself. She chooses to stick with her family this time. Her arc is complete. For the second, Kay makes the final decision that she deserves a life outside of the trappings of her upbringing. She's finally free of it all. Her arc is complete.
There is of course a third ending too. Before the rocket launches, there is a Gary (that is the name of every cult member if you forgot) that is in charge of the launch controls. Earlier in the game, Kay has an opportunity to record a message from the Gary's father asking him to come home. If you play that message to the Gary, he leaves the controls. When PawPaw tries to launch the ship, it doesn't work. This gives Kay an opportunity to save her brother and mother as the spaceship takes off and explodes in the atmosphere.
Now what does this third ending say? Its the hardest one to achieve, but ultimately feels morally the best. I have no idea! But I think its interesting that while the first two endings wrap up Kay's story nicely, the third one is just kind of awkward. Her brother is alive, but what now? Does she stay and build a relationship with him, or does she leave again? We don't get an answer on this, but I've had a lot of fun just thinking about it.
There's so many other highlights in the story. The trippy spaceship sequence, the raid on the refinery and the trek through the city council building were probably my three favorites.
But most of all, I feel like this game just absolutely nails its tone. For as dark as it is, its also extremely campy and goofy throughout. There's so many jokes and just completely unhinged moments that somehow feel like they fit right in amongst all of the sadness in the main story. I mean you can literally egg on a certain character to wear clown makeup for entire chapter because he is a proud Juggalo. Like, that is objectively hilarious. The tone and dialogue feel so distinctly unique, an absolute rarity in games today.
The music and art style are phenomenal. The only real negative that I have is that the combat is a complete joke, but its clearly more for presentation value than satisfying gameplay I would argue.
I really enjoyed Norco and I wish it existed more in the broader gaming conscience than it currently does. There were some indie games that released last year (that I can't name because they are not a year old) that completely pale in comparison to what Norco does, but received 100x the attention. Dumb complaint, because that happens in every art form, but just needed to express that here.
If you've played Norco, please give me your thoughts or opinions. Would love to discuss more in the comments.

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TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE, ASSAULT, ABUSE, Etc.
TLDR: I have some serious mental health issues and my family has abandoned me... how do I deal?
Goodday, Redditors,
I am writing with a lot to unpack and I am hoping for some Dr. Armchair advice as to how to proceed. Or not. I don't know. I am typing this out and figuring this out as I go along.
I made my therapist cry the other day. She is amazing. It was not intentional, but it happened. I actually made her cry twice. She apologized, but both instances were related to my mother abandoning me after a bipolar episode.
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Since I was little, I was always a little different. In retrospect, it was noticeable from as young age as I was asked not to return to a pre-school. I could tell you all of the ways I was and am different, but I am sure they will be revealed over time.
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I always had a difficult time fitting in. I was in a private school through 8th grade and I was terribly bullied. I transferred to a different middle school and then a public high school and thought that would be better, but it wasn't. While all of this is going on, I am holding back tears on a daily basis as I go to school. What will it be today? My skin? My intelligence? My teeth? My outfit? The courses I am taking? The fact that I am new to the school? I really felt like I couldn't catch a break.
I kept my grades up to keep my parents proud. I was good at "school" but struggled with the social thing. In 9th grade, I had a relationship with a man who was older than me by 6 years. I felt cool. Me, 15, him, 21- Perfect. I didn't realize how that relationship didn't help me develop self-confidence, strength, individuality, etc. The age gap from 15-21 is significant, IMHO... at least from a developmental perspective. When I was in 10th grade, I was assaulted by a group of 5 boys from a neighboring high school and raped, by at least 2. I remember the weirdest details from that night. I haven't told anyone, but I will one day. However, I remember the story that spread around the school (I only had 80 kids in my entire graduating class, 300 in the entire school). It was like wild fire. I had "asked" for it. I was a "slut" so what did people expect. My whole world crumbled. The guys from that evening were doing me a "favor" by driving me home. A group of 5 popular kids against ME- the new, quirky student- did not work out well.
At around the age of 12, I decided to cut myself. Was I intending to die? No. However, I remember how that felt. There was a little sense of relief like, "Oh! This can get worse." And I mean that in the best way- I am not at my lowest. There is still hope!... I put a long sleeve shirt on, a bandaid and played some basketball. My mom saw the bandaid. She got very upset. She took me to the local hospital where they said I was fine and sent me home.
At 16, I had an indecent with my family (the details I will provide later) that resulted in my hiding in a bush in my neighborhood to hide. The police showed up. There was little to be done as the report was filled out by my parents and law enforcement when I returned home.
Now, 12 and 16 are pretty significant ages for these things to happen and it was not the first time.
At about 15/16, I was put on anti-depressants. I know this because my mom had often reminded me that, "I couldn't control whether you took them or not." So that was fun. I don't remember if they made me feel better or worse or what, but I know I needed a friend. Home was not friendly. School was not friendly. I did have a friend who I spent a fair bit of time with. We were driving through her neighborhood one day and I told her I was taking anti-depressants. She kicked me out of the car in the middle of the neighborhood. She never spoke to me again.
At 17, my parents told me they were getting separated. I look back now and feel like all of that was because of me. And, honestly, it really could have been. I am just highlighting a few moments, but there were a lot. I was angry all of senior year of high school. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't want to apply. My admissions essay was about how the system had failed me. It was terrible. I was not consistently in therapy or on medication.
Upon graduating high school, I decided I needed to escape and I (I literally have no idea how) studied abroad. It was liberating. No one knew me. I was free. It was incredible. I met my ex-husband at 19 when I was studying abroad. He is truly a wonderful man. I left him 4 years ago (which I will discuss), but he deserves someone so much better. We were not meant to be partners in life. We got married at 24. It was young. It was me concerned that someone else would leave/hurt/abandon me. He did everything for me, but my mental health issues only got worse. I was hospitalized two times throughout the course of our marriage. He showed up. He brought me food and some clothes. It was only recently (like 2 months ago) that I found out about his refusal to tell anyone about my mental health problems. I am not passing judgement on that, but it could be protecting me/protecting himself or shame. I don't know the answer and I am no longer with him so it isn't at the top of my list.
I was treated for everything... seriously. I was on oodles of drugs and I could list them, but I couldn't tell you if they were effective or not. They focused on treating anxiety and depression...
SURPRISE: I'm bipolar!
After my divorce:
I left my husband and traveled extensively over a summer with a man I knew but had never had anything more than a friendship with. My ex-husband knew him too. I was single/divorced. Didn't think it was a big deal, but he took a lot of money from me and I THINK I hoped he would accept and love and want to be with me. We did not see each other after that and he is not someone I really ever saw a future with. I started another relationship after I returned from the summer. I was manic AF in retrospect.
The man I started a relationship with upon my return, who I will refer to as James, had some things he was going through. Our relationship was turbulent. My bipolar disorder was undiagnosed and untreated. I was not in regular therapy and was only taking medications on an as-needed basis. James and I met and I was manic. Hot and heavy fast. I love you. We are going to be together forever. Intoxicating sex. I couldn't stop myself. Until my brain and bad behavior stopped me. It was terrible. I created a scene. Totaled my car (I was under the influence of alcohol. I was not hurt. I did not hurt anyone around me. I do know how horrendous that is. I am truly sorry for that). So that was breakup #1. We maybe lasted 2 weeks without each other (I SEE YOU CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP) and started hanging out again. While I was having this epic breakdown, James was in contact with my mother. She told him that he wasn't my person, my ex was. She was in Florida. She left me alone. I was alone. It was not this man's responsibility to take care of me.
We got back together eventually. We had another fight. My sister, father and brother-in-law arrive at his apartment, remove his stuff. Breakup #2 (there is a ton to unpack here, but the pattern is unhealthy in retrospect.... and even in just "spect"). My family said he was never welcome. My mom never wanted to be in his presence... blah, blah, blah.
Zip along to today... Over the past year, I got back together with James and we did OK for a while. We did OK until it became time to ingrate everything in my world. Then we crumbled.
Further, I was in a terrible financial situation. Like, really terrible. Spending my inheritance in trouble. I finally revealed that to my mom. She said she would help. James knew nothing of this.
I was juggling the balls to not show anyone weakness. To not make anyone upset. Enter- Manic episode #3. At this point, I am prescribed lithium. I am also having a ton of other issues. I know you are going to think this is crazy but I found out that, at 37 years old, I am full-blown menopausal, if not post-menopausal.
I reach out to my mom during some troubling times and ask to sleep over one night. She ignores me.
After the financial trouble, she asks me not to contact her, but I call about 30 times when I find out I have these other health issues that I am wildly unprepared for. She doesn't answer.
That's why my therapist cried.
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I don't know what I need from anyone. I don't know what steps to take. It all became really sad to be over the past week. I am going to miss my niece and nephew growing up. I am going to miss holidays. I am not going to be remembered or discussed. It is hard to type right now thinking about those statements.
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I think I want to know- am I going to be OK? Can I build a life without a family that has disowned me? Without a partner? Without any plan? I don't see a light right now and it is hard, but I am not giving up.
More than that, why am I chasing after people? I am begging them to love and care about me when I am clearly not accepted.
I have been people pleasing for so long that I don't know what I want or life.
How do you navigate and heal from codependent relationships?
How do I protect myself while still process?
I am just a little loss and advice would be lovely.
Thanks, Reddit-verse!
Anon

Hi all!
I've been a lurker here for quite some time and I'm finally making my first post. I absolutely love checking this subreddit out and seeing all the happiness from everyone accomplishing their dreams. It's the place I visit when I'm stressed!
I know this has been answered at some point in time but since every situation is unique, I wanted to add mine in.
I'm finally ready to buy my first home. I'm purchasing a modular that's going to be placed on some land I own (full disclosure, it was gifted by a family member and I went through the legal process of having it deeded out to my name). I'm still saving for my down payment and have a little more than half saved up right now. I've spoken with a few lenders and they mentioned using my land equity for the other half of my down payment.
My question is - how does that impact my monthly payment? I'm trying to keep my monthly payment to around $1,500/mo on a $257,000 home and get the full 20% down payment to avoid PMI. If I go with land equity - that won't lower my monthly payment as much as cash will, right? Or how exactly will the land equity work?
I feel so dumb. Hopefully this question makes sense and I haven't jumbled it all in my brain too badly. Any answers are appreciated!