5 letter word ends in ide

I’m unable to see my abuser be prosecuted or face any legal ramifications, thanks to his complex ways of destroying evidence that he also forced me to take part in. I had a physical journal I was keeping back then, and even that I destroyed years after the abuse because I didn’t want to be reminded.
I’ve been connecting a lot with the idea of the inner child in therapy, and I’ve found a way to visualize my recovery in a similar way. I view myself at age 14 almost as a separate person; I ask myself what that girl needed. She needed to have her story told, she needed her story to be believed, and she definitely needed that evidence to exist, because her abuser should have faced punishment. But, because of the tampering and destruction, she cannot.
So, what can I do instead? I write every memory, I keep entries where I detail memories, nightmares, songs I listened to back then that reflected my feelings, I write about my life after the abuse ended, I write about the hardships I faced because of my silence, and I don’t hold back. And now, I write everything about my recovery, I write current reflections, I summarize my appointments, I keep the voicemails from NCMEC and Law Enforcement, I write letters to my younger self.
I write everything that happened down and it’s enough, because that girl gains her voice back as a result, and it’s the only way her story can live on. I’m really, really glad I’m finding a way to slowly gain closure without the legal system. It’s not over yet, but it’s getting easier.
And I truly wish for a similar outcome for all of you, too. :)

Hey all - I just had Parker and Sons (through Costco) come out to inspect and get a quote for a full water filtration system for the house. Does this sound like a good deal - or if it would be worthwhile to go with someone else (if so, would you recommend?) - Of note, I am in Arizona.
ECO 3702 Softener / Refiner & ERO 385 reverse osmosis drinking water system.
3702R30 WIFI / ERR3702R30WIFI : $6,450.00; FULL CUSTOM INSTALL: $1,250.00
ERO385: $1,767.00; Custom RO Installation: $207.00
Complete total: $9,674.00: I get 10% back in Costco rewards, which ends up being 3-5 Costco trips. I may get the language wrong, but he said my water pressure is above 90, and the ideal is around 76. Changing the valve (or whatever is needed for this) would cost around $740. He will throw this in for free if I can schedule this weekend (I'm not too worried about this aspect as a need to rush unless the rest of this is a good deal).
Thank you for your feedback!

I had just received my bromazolam shipment and wanted to try some that night, so I called my friend up and we ended up dosing with the ol’ toothpick method instead of making a solution after I realized how time consuming it was and how I would look pretty strange making it in a shared kitchen at college.
This was a huge mistake obviously, please do not be inpatient like me and dose benzos properly.
I scooped up a large amount on the toothpick, more than I intended, but I ate it anyways, figuring the worst that could happen was falling asleep. I had a decent tolerance already from the etizolam and could do doses up to 8 mg without blacking out or doing anything too crazy. Everything goes fine for about 1-2 hours, then I decide to have a couple drinks to take it to the next level, which I also did often with the etizolam, so again figured I’d be fine.
I did not know at the time that bromazolam takes much longer to take effect than most benzos, I thought it to be similar to etizolam where you feel the effects in like 20-30 min after dosing. I did feel the effects quickly with the bromaz; I didn’t realize it was just getting started.
I remember borrowing a random bike to go to the vape shop 2 miles away, just to realize it had closed 4 hours ago because it was midnight (small town). After this I remember basically nothing except fragments for the next 6 hours or so.
My friend who took less remembered better and helped me piece together what we did that night, including:
Trying to unbolt TVs from the wall in common areas without success, stealing various pieces of furniture, climbing onto the roofs of various school buildings, trying to steal a washing machine (???) which we successfully detached from the wall but obviously couldn’t really put it anywhere so we left it and other more harmless things.
Around 5-6 am my friend leaves and I come out of my haze enough to remember this part. I returned to my dorm, grabbed a hammer and a balaclava and proceeded to break into a vending machine on campus and fill my backpack with snacks.
Astoundingly the college I’m at doesn’t have cameras anywhere inside in these areas, nor did the vending machine have an alarm, otherwise I’m sure I would have been caught.
I woke up at 5 pm the next day to find snacks and candy covering my entire bed (I took them out and spread them around for some reason?), a selfie with a homeless gentleman on my phone and a picture from my roomate of me hanging halfway on my bed with my pants halfway off and shoes still on. When I woke up I was normally positioned in bed with the appropriate amount of clothing on.
Weighed the bag of bromaz to find 38mg missing (initial weight of 1g was confirmed).
Make solutions with your benzo powder. Can’t believe this went so well.
Tl;dr
Took ~30 mg bromaz, broke into a vending machine, stole furniture, climbed buildings and tried to steal a washing machine and various TV sets from my college.

Batman Beyond provocatively opens with the premise that Bruce Wayne is completely, one hundred percent alone. Not only was the DCAU Bat-family established by then, but soon you'd have Justice League and Justice League Unlimited showing Batman as someone who, if not a social butterfly, had adult peers who cared about him on a personal level, as friends, even if it wasn't a word he would necessarily use. So, the fact that he's completely, one hundred percent isolated from a single other living soul is a stark splash of cold water that reminds you, oh, hey, Bruce Wayne is an extremely fucked-up human being full of trauma who got down on his knees and begged at the grave of his parents to allow him to be happy.
So why is he so alone? Simple: He fucked Barbara Gordon.
Okay, obviously, that's probably not the only reason. That relationship surely cut him off Dick and Barbra, but there was the whole Joker thing with the Tim, and it probably took yet more shit to make his JL pals give up the annual wellness check, but it's a perfect example of his poor choices and how they push away the people close to him. That one disastrous fuck-up, sleeping with not only a junior apprentice but one so much younger than himself, and who was actively being courted by his adopted son who, I'll remind you, he already had issues with over the exact same girl, is a shining pillar to the Dark Knight's self-destructive bullshit.
But I'll grant you, proper emphasis needs to be placed on that, and it probably hasn't ever since the DCAU originally ended. Conceptually, though, and in that original context, it was perfect.

Hi everyone, I’ve been a sitter since September. I only do drop-ins and walks. I just received a request for 10 days, 5 days for 2 different weeks. When the owner first messaged me, at the end she said “how much would you charge for this in total”. I’ve never booked as an owner, but doesn’t it say the full amount when you do a booking request with a sitter? I charge $19 for drop-ins, $21 for puppies, $11 extra for a 60 min visit, and $12 for an additional dog. These are all 60 min visits with one puppy and one adult dog. The way she asked how much I would charge, if she can see the amount, makes me think she’s trying to get me to offer her lower (the total without fees is $440 for 10 days, April 10-14 & 24-28). She put the puppy as the primary dog, and the adult dog as the add on dog so could that make the booking more expensive compared to if the puppy was the add on? She lives pretty close to me, but I’ll really have to move my schedule around with my repeat dogs if she’s not flexible with timing (she’s going on vacation and her mother will be coming at night, booked me for 11am-12 which is when I usually have at least one of my dogs I walk), I’ve never done a discount on the app either before, I’m unsure how.

I can finally confirm that team selections do not come from ranking brackets of any sort.
This is official - chalons team match selection IS NOT ->

1. Based on coining
2. Based on team power
3. Based on BOC RANK
4. Based on chalons ranking in quarters
5. Based on alliance size
6. Based on any rational or logical methodology

We are a top 10 alliance in our continent. I will post our final rank end of chalons. I will also post our matchups each week.
We fought 3 alliances today - ranked 143, 157, 251 in chalons. We’re ranked 18. One team had no honor and 6,000 points. We’re unbeaten, we score more than 100k a game. We score more than 150k each boc. We’re not a 200B power alliance but we can run them into the ground (sometimes 😂).
The combined three enemies were not even half of our size in a total aggregate sense. This sucks. Once again Evony not giving any chances to good teams to rank top 16. Meanwhile - top teams with pink gem players who were wiped out GOT HUGE MATCHES. Lame
Anyways - stop hypothesizing on how this works. Names are chosen by pure shit methods.

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay but Boruto Kai Vol 16 and 17 sub is finally done and uploaded!!! This also does include both the colored and black and white versions of it! As always the link is below. But hold on a few more minutes as I have some other updates I'd like to share.
First, boruto kai vol 17 is missing a conversation between eida and code that ended the manga vol 17. The reason why its missing is because that conversation is not in episode 293. So instead of the volume ending with that conversation, it ends with Boruto talking about what momoshiki told him. I personally feel like it ends too abruptly like that and I was thinking of not releasing volume 17 untill we got that scene adapted. In other words id be sitting on this 99% complete volume for maybe almost a year till the anime adapts the scene like I have in the past for other kai volumes. But given that the anime is going on a long break for many months, and we do not know if it will go straight to adapting the next manga arc when it returns, I thought It would be best just to release vol 17 as it is now. And when the scene is adapted I'll do a vol 17V2 like I did for vol 14. so keep in mind there will mostlikely be a vol 17 V2
second boruto ep 293 also adapted parts of boruto vol 18...SO, I have now started work on boruto kai vol 18 sub. But please be patient with it! remember that the anime is going on a long break and we do not know when it will be back and how soon after it gets back will it adapt the manga stuff again.
third boruto kai DUB and boruto Sagas will continue to be released as the dub sets are released. And keep in mind sets are released every 3-4 months
fourth I have a few other boruto projects coming up and I'll be releasing them over the next few months.
fifth once most of those other projects are revealed, I'll be doing a new big main central post that has links to all my boruto projects and that will be a main hub for all these projects. But the individual main posts for each of them will still be updated and available!
Thank you all for the support. Please follow me on twitter for updates, polls and early announcements!!!
My Twitter https://twitter.com/Narutoash1996?t=cs9Bai-RyXna1pKE5--fKQ&s=09
link to the post that has links to Boruto Kai vol 16 and 17 sub! https://www.reddit.com/Boruto/comments/fiuskq/links_to_boruto_kai_youre_welcome/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

super long read sorry hi, i am a 20 yo student currently finishing my final semester at my local cc before graduating in may and transferring to a top csu in the fall. i have yet ti actually accept my admissions offer (its not due till may but i planned to accept early april for housing). over the last few weeks leading up to this point, my parents have made me realize (based on their wording) that they have no plans to assist me financially in any regard, despite having the means to. and im like.. okay.. i just went to cc for two years to save myself money, and wanted to get a real college experience after having what was left of highschool stolen from me (co 2021 lolz). and i understand they are not entitled to help me financially - was working and going to school full time fresh out of highschool until i quit to ensure id be able to fulfill all of my conditional admissions offer requirements - the issue is moreover that they made me believe they WOULD be financially supportive (i am the youngest of three kids, and the only one to attend college) AND the fact that their income is so high that i dont receive any financial aid grants whatsoever, therefore leaving me to rely on incredibly small loans.
In short, I won’t be able to afford school LMFAO. So I’m wondering if it’s possible for me to take a gap year and re-apply to transfer in the fall of 2024? I know the issue when some people transfer is that they end up never going back- that won’t be the case for me - but i’m concerned about whether or not that will affect my cc stats/eligibility at the same schools. I am a firstgen and have no one close to me willing to/able to help with my current situation and am just looking for ways to figure it out. All I want to do is get my degree.
Note: I have gone through all the stupid annoying steps of document transfers to my desired college. All out of pocket. Paid for my CC out of pocket as well.
Thank you to any and everyone who can help and sorry for the long read I just feel overwhelmed lol. Please don’t be mean 😕

My grandma (moms mom) is older in age (she’s turning 90 this year). She’s in the hospital for health reasons so I’m visiting yesterday. She’s always been THE SWEETEST lady I’ve ever met in my life. Couldn’t say a mean word to save her life, genuinely wanted everyone she met to succeed, and helped any way she could. Her “curse” was “bless their heart, they don’t know any better.” (Important info- my parents divorced when I was young. Amicable, both stayed present in siblings lives, but we never heard from paternal family again, like at all. Weird, but let’s move on).
So hubby & I are visiting yesterday & she was telling me stories of her childhood, a whole “they’re written down, for when I’m gone” kinda convo. Stories progress to my paternal family, since she did know them for many decades. She tells me that my paternal grandpa would disappear for 4-5+ days at a time on a regular basis for the whole time she knew him. Of course I wanna know why. “I assume to help take care of his crazy sister. But no one knew for certain. If they did, no one spoke about it.” Soooo he coulda been literally anywhere?? “visibly debates a sec well yeah, he could have”
Sooo now I’m waiting on payday soo I can do a genetic family tree thing

Ok, this one is a little long but basically I am explaining several things that have happened with me and one of my childhood friends that I find concerning so bare with me.
I (18F) have a friend (16F) we'll call her Belle. I met Belle when we were in about 5th grade, we were both part of a figure skating team and she was one of my first friends after I moved to the state we live in. She was always very bubbly, sweet, and funny. Her parents own a fishing lodge on a lake so she's homeschool (same as me) which is one of the reasons we became fast friends.
Fast forward to about 9th grade and I'm noticing some changes. She used to be a super bubbly girly girl but all the sudden she started acting very cold and monotone, wearing a lot of black makeup, she looked like (for lack of a better word) emo. The change didn't really bother me, she was still my friend after all it just caught me off guard. Then all the sudden she gets a boyfriend, without mentioning anything to me which I found a little strange, but her boyfriend was a very nice guy so I didn't mind. Now, we both have a friend, well call her Kayla, who's the same age as me and we're both really close with her. Bella started hanging out less and less with me and Kayla and instead being with her boyfriend, which made Kayla feel kinda lonely, since her and Bella were very close. Kayla tried to lightly bring it up, saying she was fine with her having a boyfriend but was hoping they could spend some time together too. But all the sudden Bella SNAPS at Kayla calling her jealous and a bunch of nasty names. So unsurprisingly they broke off their friendship but still had somewhat of a respect for eachother.
During that summer after they broke it off, I decided to work at her family's lodge as a summer job. Mainly because I wanted to spend more time with Bella because she had been distant. However she only seemed to want to hang out with me when her mom kinda told her to. She was supposed to be helping me with the work and chores but was instead cooped up in her room all day texting and facetimeing her boyfriend. Anytime we did hang out while I was there, she had to have her boyfriend on facetime while we're hanging out so he could have fun to (by her request, not the boyfriends). All of this was really upsetting me but the real kicker was while I was washing dishes, one of the guests at the lodge started inappropriately harassing.me. I look over, Belle and her boyfriend are watching, very obvious what is happening. But they just start laughing at the situation. That really set me off. I get were both young and didn't really know what was going on at the time (I didn't really understand what was happening at the time) but I feel like you shouldn't laugh at a situation like that.
Fast forward to present day and Bella and I are in a Cinema class together. Now I don't usually like movies with S$x scenes in them, it just kinda makes me uncomfortable. One of the movies we watched in class had a s$x scene in it, so I left the room briefly untill the scene had ended. After the movie, she asked why I had left and I told her (keep in mind she knows those scenes make me uncomfortable).and she told me to "grow up" because otherwise I won't be able to handle the real world.
Now the last one, a couple weeks ago Kayla and I were scrolling through TikTok for fun and came across and TikTok of Bella, very clearly doing drugs. We looked in the comments and saw her bragging about how she blocked her mom on TikTok so she couldn't see her doing drugs. now personally I think drugs are very bad for you but I know not everyone agrees and as long as your 18 I think you can make that decision for yourself. However, Bella is still a Minor which makes this very VERY concerning to me.
Overall I am very concerned for my friend and her mental state, especially when it comes to the drugs, I'm considering bringing it up to her mother because she is still a Minor but I don't want to make her angry.
I seriously don't know what to do, all and any advice or comments is appreciated.

This is the eighth track from Animal Collective's seventh album '' Feels ''. What are your thoughts regarding this song? How do you think it compares to the rest of the discography? How would you rate it out of 10?(decimals allowed)
SUGGESTED SCALE:1-4: Not good. Regularly skip.5: It’s okay, but I might have to be in the right mood to listen to it.6: Slightly better than average. I won’t skip it, but I wouldn’t choose to put it on.7: This is a good song. I enjoy it quite a bit.8-9: Really enjoyable songs. I rank them pretty high overall.10: Masterpiece, magnum opus, or similar terminology.
Sorry guys for not making it so daily anymore, doing IB right now and school just always gets in the way.
Google Sheet with all of the results thus far:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1lRq-JztPkJE8HORX4S1mcGB37sZfa5tdLbWXH9twKSc/edit?usp=sharing

1. Did You See the Words: 9.8
2. Grass: 9.73
3. Flesh Canoe: 8.44
4. The Purple Bottle: 9.91
5. Bees: 8.64
6. Banshee Beat: 9.85
7. Daffy Duck: 8.37
8. Loch Raven:

• I also posted this in the CPTSD sub -

Yesterday my T and I spoke about treatment plan, exercises, and goals, and stuff to work on, and she said there isn't just one specific exercise or one specific path to follow, it's important I talk about stuff. I said, well, I could talk about a lot of things but there's only just a few things that weigh really heavy on my mind and heart, and I'm afraid ppl will be bored hearing the same stuff over and over and they probably don't want to hear about it all the time. And she said, well, you tell it one time, then the next time you tell it differently bc you've learned stuff, you had insights, you process things, you change. And it's good if I talked, it's ok ...
I was quiet for a while and she asked about my thoughts. And I said I feel funny, like some sliding feeling, I could not really tell whether it was "good" or "bad", like something sliding off and to the side into a corner somewhere.
Then we talked about other stuff and I left.
5 minutes later I had tears in my eyes. She said it's ok to talk - whatever is there to talk about is ok, everything is ok, I am allowed to be just the way I am, she wants to hear it, someone wants to hear it! It's ok! I'm ok the way I am. Whatever wants to be spoken is ok; everything that comes up is ok. I am allowed to speak about it, and someone wants to hear it! I don't have to hide it, I don't have to pretend everything is fine. She actually wants to hear it! There's someone there who wants to hear it!
I am so grateful that she actually said it's ok that I talk and also if I talk about certain things many times. When I grew up emotions weren't talked about, showing them meant weakness, that was shamed, so I shut them off. My first T had said my emotional flashbacks were malbehavior that needs to be ignored so it would get extinguished and whenever I tried to talk about the stuff that still haunts me he would interrupt me, that made me really desperate and hopeless and it confirmed the belief that emotions are not to be talked about and talking about them will be punished in some form and that ppl really don't want to listen.
And now I am sitting here crying bc I am so happy that my T said what she said. That she said it explicitly that it's ok, and while she didn't explicitly say that she wants to hear it, I still take her words to mean it, and I am so happy. It's ok for me to talk, I am ok, I am not bad for having this mega urge to talk about my trauma(s), I am good, I am ok just the way I am, and everything that will come up will be ok.
And my wounded inner child, little me, is crying too, out of pure relief and happiness bc it feels it's not an inherently bad little person; it was never bad, it's ok the way it is, someone wants to hear what little me has to say.
Little me is ok, little me is a good little human.
I am crying so hard and I feel relief. And I think that sliding feeling yesterday was part of my armor sliding away. I feel more open, grateful, relieved, like this is the beginning of something good and healing. 😄❤️🫂

Hi guys! It is with much hesitation (nerves lol) that I’m posting this for you to (hopefully) enjoy……
“Do you love her?”
One elder’s question to me during my second judicial committee meeting.
I thought for a few seconds, but still a full believer and wanting to be completely honest despite the consequences, I replied: “Yeah, I do.”
My head hung low, my gaze fixed on the pattern in the carpet. I was too ashamed to look them in the eyes while I spoke.
Of course, being in love is nothing to be ashamed of.
But it is when you are one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
To say that I was an anxiety-ridden person - even in my day-to-day life, would have been accurate, and at times even an understatement.
So one could only imagine how a tribunal of three men asking probing questions about my sexuality and deepest intentions would have made me feel.
Each word within each sentence plagued me. Any feelings of relief following their decision to allow me to continue to be with my family was trailed by guilt and worry that I hadn’t divulged enough.
“Remember, Jehovah is going to be very disappointed in you if this happens again,” the other elder said to me near the conclusion of our two-hour long interrogation disguised as a “support meeting.”
The term “support meeting” isn’t a Witness term, either. It’s a good way to describe how they paint judicial committees, though.
Magazines and books, of which the Watchtower has published thousands, showed pictures of elders with their hands on our shoulders, comforting us in our guilt that the organization – the same one they represented – had manufactured.
This being my second meeting in two years for the same sin, sexual immorality, I was on thin ice.
Doing something twice and being “forgiven” was difficult, and I knew that regardless of my demeanor a third time would surely mean the worst.
The Witnesses use scriptures like arrows shot out of a bow.
It’s one verse, and it’s used by itself, the majority of the time taken out of context in order to forward whichever standard or rule they are enforcing at the time.
First Corinthians 14:40 is a favorite. “But let all things take place decently and by arrangement.”
What is the context of that verse?
I never knew growing up, only that God wanted things to be arranged. And that is why we listened when a man in the congregation made a schedule of who would mow the lawn at the Kingdom Hall and on which date it would be done.
Nearly each meeting you attended as a young man in the organization would begin with that scripture, whether it be a building project, a toilet-cleaning assignment or raking leaves on a Sunday afternoon.
Or a judicial committee.
It was the arrangement that “God’s” people had put in place, and since that verse in First Corinthians said to let things take place in that way, that is what we did.
I learned later in life, after waking up to the disgusting hypocrisy within that organization, the context of that verse.
It was referring to refraining from things that were childish, vain, things that would make a person seem crazy, or that would create confusion.
As with many things in the bible, those seem like common sense to any average person.
This is one of the tamest examples of the Witnesses using a verse in their own pursuits.
But what it highlights is the mechanism they use to employ scriptures.
It would be like me finding a newspaper clipping with a photo of a dog. The caption reads: “He was a very good boy.”
Then, each time anyone did anything I found unacceptable, I quoted that caption to them, saying: “Remember the dog, he was a very good boy. You should be, too.”
That is as much depth as any Witness needs to use a scripture on someone.
In a reinstatement committee, the third elder read me the verse in Second Corinthians where the apostle Paul commended a congregation for “showing itself holy in every aspect” and that was the verse he used to help explain to me why they would not reinstate me. It was not because I had continued doing the thing they disfellowshipped me for in the first place. It was because I was honest, and told them I had recently viewed pornography.
One strike, and I was out. That was all it took.
“How long ago?” one asked.
I answered – again to my fault – honestly.
“Maybe two weeks ago . . .” I replied.
For them, that was too close. It showed that I didn’t take it seriously enough.
And so back out into the world I went, alone.
But not before a little added humiliation.
“I don’t know anything about that,” he said. Unconvincingly. “So what site do you go on? Is it a website, a magazine, your phone, where do you get it?”
“Uh, the internet,” I said.
“What website, what is the name of it?” He pressed.
“Um, Pornhub,” I said.
“Pornhub?” He parroted back to me to make sure he heard me correctly. He said it as if he’d never heard of it before.
I nodded, shamefully, and with that – my meeting had ended.
My resolve was weakened.
I sat in a chair in my apartment and stared at the wall later that night, unsure of whether to go on living life as before, or whether I should give up, go to bed or something else. I didn’t know what to do.
I had powered through those 300-plus days with such drive and focus, and admittedly had gotten my hopes up.
Who wouldn’t, after not seeing any of their friends or family for nearly a year?
I had done 300 days alone to that point, so 30 more shouldn’t have felt like an eternity.
My hopes had been pinned on that 300th day, when I would turn in my letter.
And when your happiness hinges on what three men think of you, you can forget how in control they really are.
The first few days of that next month were some of the most difficult of my life, even after having gone through several spells of deep depression and suicidal thoughts in the previous months.
But I made it back, and that was the start of my waking up process.
Many Witnesses do not get to see behind that curtain.
Of course, many do see behind it and continue right on going, but the fickleness of it all stuck with me.
I couldn’t shake it, the feeling that my fate lied in a 50/50 coin flip based upon my answers to very specific questions asked by men who were uneducated, and in many cases, ignorant.
I do not hold anything against those men personally. But people’s lives are affected by them and the decisions they make, and so to feel that some of those decisions are made on a whim is too much to bear.

I know this will be something you have been told ad nauseam, but I don't really care. I'm going to say it again: If you are a freshman, or sophomore, this message is for you mostly. Also juniors in high school.
When I got to freshman year, I didn't really try very hard. I got 3 As, 3 bs, and 2 cs. Not great. This is excusable because of COVID. But, sophomore year, I kept doing what I was doing during quarantine: I played way too many video games, I used this site a ton, I devolved into a completely uncaring, video game obsessed loser. I had no friends at school, although this was true before, but my social skills, especially with girls, were nonexistent. I ended the year with an overall unweighted GPA of 2.86. Pretty terrible, if you ask me. So, when I walked my dogs for one especially long walk one day, I realized that I had messed up half of high school. I made a concerted effort of self-improvement. I never kicked the videogames (I play tons of Minecraft to this day), but I went back to school a different person. The Leo that took those classes, prioritizing idiocy over education, was dead. My social life was the best it had been at that point, I actually knew how to speak to people, and I got a girlfriend, albeit shortlived, over the summer. I got a job at Shake Shack, and I was happy. Junior year ended with me getting Academic honors both semesters, and I got all As except for a, I kid you not, an 89.4 in Latin, which was not rounded for me. But I was ecstatic. Then I saw my GPA:
3.12 unweighted.
My renaissance had come too late. I was still a happy person, and had a great summer, but I realized I had screwed up. It was great that I had done well, but it was too late. Senior year so far has been better socially, but slightly worse academically. Particularly this semester, but senioritis is no joke. But, recently, I've been thinking about my life, and how I will go forward. As of right now, I'm into 6 out of my 17 colleges I applied to, and waitlisted at 5 more of them. I applied to a ton of reach schools, including Cornell and Princeton, the latter of which I have yet to hear from. I think it won't happen, as Princeton has never accepted anyone from my school, at least not that I have statistics for. Now, I have a 3.2 gpa, 3.62 weighted, and a 1370 on my SAT. I have great extracurriculars, and worked very hard on all my essays. I'm probably going to Union College which is a great school. I'm sorry if I seem like this whole thing was to flex self-improvement. It's not. My message is that even though I have a good future lined up, hopefully in acting, I have regrets. Deep regrets. I have passed up many social opportunities for video games. I have very few positive opinions of my high school, although I have found my people in the play I did recently. The point is, for the rest of my life, I'll be thinking, "What if I did better?" I'm not a dumb person. I know that. If I was stupid, I wouldn't have changed. I have zero respect for the person I once was, and if I could meet myself, I would not want to talk to myself. But I love the person I have become. So I leave you with this:
If you ever have those fleeting moments, or those 3 AM realizations, where you think about the bigger picture, and what you have done, right and wrong, and are unhappy with yourself: Why? Why are you unhappy with your current situation? Once you have answered that, and assuming you do have the means, change it! If you use TikTok or videogames or whatever too much, try your best to stop, because I know from personal experience that videogame addiction is real. Get a hobby if you can. I do LEGOs in my free time, and I have a blast putting them together. Moral of the story: If you are unhappy with anything in your life, particularly grades, and you have the means to fix it: DO SO. You will love yourself for it. If you are in a dark place right now, know that it will pass. I wish all of you the best. I know you'll do great. If this is really sappy I'm sorry. If any of y'all need someone to talk to for a bit, just dm me. Best wishes and good luck, Leo

 My family is buying property just outside of HCMC. This property is so that my in-laws can retire back to Vietnam. We need to send just over 100K USD from the USA. Wiring/bank transfer of the money would be our safest bet I am assuming. If this is the case, will I be able to open a bank account in Vietnam with only a family visa? I am not able to get Vietnam citizenship reinstated. However my wife is, and she is currently waiting on the paper work to be finished. The property will be the in-law’s name. So I am not worried about loosing said property. Next question that I have is once money is in hand, in Vietnam, what is normally done/happens to transfer the title? Is it a red flag if a newly built condo does not have the red book,title? I was told that this is because the condo was recently built and at this time all units are not sold or finished yet. Though I do know that people have been living in that building for ả least 5 years. One would think that my in-laws would be able to answer these questions. But they have been living outside of Vietnam for 40 years. And I have no close relative alive in Vietnam to ask. Please excuse any poor wording or grammatical errors. Writing coherently in is still a struggle. 

Fans of classic soul will know the song.
Oh, Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
In another world it would be funny, but for years I asked that very question.
You see, my fiancé’s name is Jimmy Mack. He disappeared without a trace in 2018.
How do you disappear without a trace these days? It just doesn’t seem possible in a modern world, where almost everyone is somehow connected. Yet he did; he vanished. The police were baffled, private investigators were a waste of money, and my own attempts at sleuthing were futile.
If it wasn’t for the fact that we were ridiculously in love and things were so perfect, I wouldn’t have tried so hard. But everything was a vomit inducing fairytale for us. Even our names were cute af; Jimmy & Jessie sittin’ in a tree… I know he loved me as much as I loved him, and he would have done anything for me.
I heard all the theories. ‘Jess… Maybe he has a secret family… He might have been involved with criminals… Perhaps he took his own life…’
They didn’t know Jimmy like I did. I know you can never really know someone fully, but I knew those things could never be true of him. So I became estranged from family and friends, my life consumed with finding Jimmy. Every penny was spent on expensive investigation and cheap booze.
But then came the intervention. My mom, brother, and best friend Lori came to my apartment one evening. Mom took my hands.
“I want my daughter back,” she cried. And as I met the eyes of those closest to me it was like a weight had lifted. I dropped to the floor and cried for hours, releasing years of internal pain. It was exactly what I needed.
It wasn’t that I never thought of Jimmy again, but I began to move on. I even went on a couple of dates, and attended therapy sessions. There’s a whole psychology behind mourning an unexplained loss. I found it all very helpful.
Then I received a handwritten letter:
Dear Jessie,
You don’t know me but I have information about the disappearance of your fiancé James Mack in March 2018.
If you are interested in finding out more, meet me at Marcy’s Diner off [redacted]. I will be there between the hours of 20:00 and 22:00 every evening from Monday 13th - Friday 17th.
Come alone and sit in a window booth. I will make myself known as soon as I feel it’s safe to do so.
I repeat; come alone. If there’s any indication you have alerted the authorities, or discussed this with friends/family, the offer is void.
This offer is time sensitive. If you don’t visit the diner between those dates and times I will assume you are not interested. This will never be offered to you again in future.
Regards,
Anon
My hands trembled as months of progress began to unravel. I poured a shot of vodka and downed it, followed by one more to take the edge off. I was so close to calling Lori, her number ready to speed dial. I needed someone to talk sense into me, to tell me it was a hoax.
‘Don’t go through with it Jessie, it’s just some sicko taking advantage of your grief. Let’s go for cocktails!’
But I put my phone down and read the letter again. And again. I read it over and over, looking for something I might have missed despite the contents being clear.
◈
Monday came around. I pulled into the Marcy’s Diner car park just after 20:00, observing the patrons from the safety of my car. It looked pretty empty. Some tourists, a few trucker types. It was a convenient rest spot due to its location off the highway. No one screamed I have information about your beloved Jimmy Mack, like there was a physical description for that type of person.
I hung around for an hour or so before I chickened out and drove home. Rinse and repeat Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. On Thursday I didn’t even think about it. I parked up just before 20:00 and stepped out of my car, hesitating for the slightest moment before entering the chrome and candy stripe diner.
A few people observed me briefly before going back to their hot mugs and oversized burgers. As instructed I found a vacant window booth. They were all vacant. I chose the one furthest from the entrance. As I sat down I thought why the fuck did you think that was a good idea? My anxiety stopped me from switching seats regardless.
“Evening darlin’,” said a blond 40-something waitress wearing a blue gingham dress. She held a pot of coffee as she smiled down at me. “What can I get for you?”
“Oh, erm,” I was going to say nothing but realized that would be weird. “Coffee is good, thank you.”
She turned over a white mug that was on the table amongst novelty condiment bottles and laminated menus.
“Can I get you a slice of pie darlin’?” she said as she poured the coffee. “Cherry or chocolate-pecan.”
My stomach was in knots but I didn’t want to appear rude, so I opted for a slice of cherry pie. It arrived barely a minute later and I thanked her, then proceeded to tap my fingers on the table as I discreetly looked around the diner.
After an hour had passed I was three mugs of coffee down and had finished the pie, which was delicious. For a moment I’d forgotten my purpose for being there, beginning to relax a little. Then the door opened and a man walked in, giving me a quick glance as he headed to the counter. He wore a camo parka and what I’d call worker jeans, with a black baseball cap. He turned around after being handed a mug and I averted my eyes, looking out of the window. I could see his reflection getting closer to my table. When he stopped in my peripheral vision I turned, and he slipped into the seat opposite me.
“Jessie,” he said with a nod. “Pleased to see you inside the diner this evening.”
He had chiselled features and a little stubble. I put him in his early 40s. I cleared my throat.
“And what do I call you?”
He smiled. “You can call me Mike if it makes this easier for you.”
I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable. I folded my arms, then unfolded them, then put them on the table.
“Relax,” he said.
I let out a quick laugh. “That’s easy for you to say. I have no idea who you are. I don’t even know why I’m here, you gave no proof that you actually know anything about Jimmy.”
“I know everything,” he said deadpan. “And I’ll tell you if you want to hear it.”
I stared into his eyes until I felt mine glaze over, then cleared my throat again. “Let me guess; for a price?”
He shook his head. “I don’t want your money, Jessie.”
“Why now?” I snapped. “Do you know what these past 5 years have been like for me?” I felt tears coming on and he went to reach for my hand, but I recoiled. He pulled his hands away and looked apologetic.
“Unbearable, devastating, frustrating…”
“All the above!” I said as tears started to fall. “I couldn’t function at times. I stopped looking after myself. I abandoned my friends and family. It’s crazy how someone can do that to you.”
“Because you were in love,” he said.
“We were in love. We were the fucking Shutterstock image of love. And when that ends abruptly without explanation…”
“Everything alright darlin’?” the waitress interrupted, holding out a tissue. She glared at Mike. I took the tissue and nodded.
“Yes, thank you. I’m fine. Sorry, I’ll keep it down.”
“Don’t be sorry darlin’, you just let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will, thank you.”
She walked away and I wiped my eyes, feeling a little embarrassed.
“I can only apologize for how you’ve been feeling,” he said. “But I’m here to make it right. You could say I developed a conscience, or moral compass. I don’t know. I’m a changed man.”
I looked at him with confusion. “I don’t understand?”
“It’s easier if I show you,” he said. “But not here. You have to ask yourself if you trust me enough to go for a drive.”
“In your car?” I said. “Absolutely not!”
“Okay, how about if you drive?”
“To the middle of nowhere I bet?”
“Look Jessie,” he said, his eyes burning into me. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m really trying here, but if you’d rather leave it I get it.”
Call me stupid or naive, but something in his eyes made him appear somewhat genuine. I took a crazy chance.
“No… I need to know what happened to him.”
Mike nodded then raised a hand. “Say, could I get a slice of pie to go?”
◈
As predicted we were driving further into the wilderness than I would have preferred. The passing cars were few and far between.
“How much further?” I asked. “I might need to stop for gas.”
“Not too far now,” said Mike. “If you don’t mind sharing, do you remember the last moments you spent with James?”
I sighed. “I do, but I can’t remember the last time anyone called him James outside of the media. He hated it. He’d been Jimmy since elementary school.”
“Sorry,” he said. “Tell me about that last day you spent with Jimmy.”
“It was an ordinary day. A Wednesday. We woke up, had breakfast. I went to work, Jimmy worked from home. He called me on my lunch break like usual, just to hear your voice he always said. God, we were insufferable.” I let out a laugh.
“Take the next left,” said Mike. “I’m listening.”
“So yeah. We had a little chat, then I went back to work. I got home and Jimmy had already started dinner. He was a much better cook than me. We drank wine, watched a movie.”
“What movie did you watch?”
“The Notebook,” I laughed. “For the umpteenth time. I know, I hate us too.”
“Keep driving straight,” said Mike. “It’s a few minutes away.”
“What is?” I asked.
“What happened after the movie?” he said.
“Nothing, we went to bed.”
“Did you make love?”
I briefly turned to him in disapproval. “Excuse me?”
“Did you fuck?” he said, unflinching.
I shook my head. “No, sorry to disappoint you. Now where the hell are you taking me?”
“It’s just up here,” he said. “So you went to bed and then you never saw him again?”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Jimmy had already gone when I woke up. No note, no text. It was strange but I didn’t think too much of it at the time. I sent him a text asking where he was. When half the day went by with no response I started to worry.”
“And the rest is history, as they say.”
I nodded as I fought back tears.
“We’re here,” said Mike.
I looked around. It was dark, but from what the headlights illuminated I couldn't see anything but trees.
“What’s here?”
“Just stop the car. It’s a short walk.”
I felt my heart race as my vulnerable situation became apparent. I really was in the middle of nowhere with a strange man, one who had withheld information about my missing fiancé for 5 years. I stared at him wide eyed.
He shrugged. “I’m not really sure what I can say to make you more comfortable?”
I slowly reached for my bag and pulled out a pocket pistol. Mike let out a surprised laugh.
“Maybe I don’t need to say anything?” he said.
“This makes me more comfortable,” I said.
He nodded. “Fair enough. Let’s go.”
◈
After walking for several minutes, feeling grateful that I’d opted for comfortable footwear that evening, we came to a cabin within the trees. The porch was lit.
‘Jessie; you know better than this girl’ I thought to myself, my hand clutching the pistol inside my bag.
“Why did it have to be a cabin in the woods?” I said, Mike a few feet in front of me.
“I like solitude,” he said. “I can’t think of anything worse than living in the city.”
We walked up the steps to the porch area. At one end there was a single chair with a blanket on it, and a small table with some beer bottles. At the other end I spotted some deep red patches on the floorboards. Mike noticed me looking.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s deer blood. I’m pretty self sufficient out here.”
We entered the cabin and Mike turned on the lights. It was quite basic, not overly decorated. There were some framed pictures on the walls, a dinner table, and a living area with some chairs, a small television and a log burner.
“I’m kind of disappointed there’s no stag’s head mounted on the wall,” I said as I took in my surroundings.
Mike shrugged. “I don’t see the animals as a prize. It’s food, survival. There are a few skulls out back if you want to check them out?”
I shook my head. “I’m good.”
Mike put the slice of pie he’d got from Marcy’s on the kitchen counter.
“Water, beer?” He opened the fridge and pulled out a beer bottle.
“This isn’t a social visit,” I said. “And call me paranoid but that would make me very stupid."
He nodded. “You’re right, I hope you don’t mind if I have one though.” He screwed off the cap and took a swig. “Let’s sit.” He motioned to the living area and I followed him.
“You know it’s dangerous to leave your fire burning when you’re not home,” I said, feeling the warmth from the log burner as I took a seat on an armchair. I kept my bag by my side and my hand on the pistol.
“It gets cold in here,” he said, sitting on another chair. “I’ll take my chances.”
He spoke about his cabin for a while, the whole time I became increasingly more uncomfortable due to the fact that I’d needed the bathroom since leaving the diner.
“I’d like to get straight to the point,” I said. “But I really need to use the bathroom.”
“Sure,” he said, pointing to a door down a hallway. “Over there.”
The bathroom was clean enough, though I did my business without touching the toilet seat. Something that had become a habit when using strange or public bathrooms. As I washed up I heard a groaning noise that sounded like it came from another room in the cabin. My heart jolted.
“Mike?” I said, creeping out of the bathroom. I had my bag over my shoulder and my shaking hand gripped the pistol. “What was that sound?”
I peeked over to the living area and couldn’t see him. I started to panic.
“Mike?” I said loudly. “This isn’t cool. Where are you?”
I heard that muffled groaning noise again and jumped, turning on the spot. There was another door further down the hall. Against my better judgement I crept closer to it, flinching each time the groan was emitted. It got louder the closer I got to the door.
“Mike?” I said, my whole body trembling.
“Sorry Jessie,” I heard Mike say from behind, and suddenly a cloth covered my mouth. My bag slipped from my shoulder but I still had the gun in my hand which I lifted as I struggled. Mike brought his other arm around me and squeezed tight, pinning my arms to my body. I became lightheaded as I breathed in chemicals.
“Shush,” he said quietly in my ear. “Just let it be.”
As I blacked out I was screaming inside my head. ‘You stupid girl!’
◈
When I came to my vision was momentarily blurred, but as I focused I saw Mike opposite me. We were sitting at the dinner table.
“Welcome back,” he said. I attempted to stand but my right hand was cuffed to the table leg. I pulled on it several times until pain shot through my arm. “That’s solid oak. I mean, you might get free but probably at the expense of your wrist.”
“You bastard!” I screamed. “Let me go. Help! Help me please!”
“Calm down Jessie,” he said. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you there’s no one out here to help you.”
I started to cry as I shook. “Oh God… What are you going to do to me? Are you going to…”
“I told you already, I’m not going to hurt you! Though that wasn’t completely true because I’m sure you have a splitting headache right now?”
He got up and retrieved a small bottle from a cupboard, then filled a glass from the faucet. He placed the glass in front of me as well as two pills from the bottle.
“Paracetamol. You’ll thank me later.”
“I’ll never thank you!” I screamed, then moaned as my head pounded. I reluctantly picked up the pills and swallowed them with water. “Why am I cuffed?”
As he spoke he walked across the cabin. “Because I believe what you’re about to hear would cause you to run. When I’m done you’re more than welcome to leave, you have my word.”
He returned with a MacBook and placed it on the table. It looked alien amongst the cabin interior. My surprised expression must have been clear.
“I’m not a Luddite,” he said. “I have WiFi and Netflix just like you city folks.”
“Great,” I said sarcastically. “But you really need to start talking.”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to give demands,” he said. “But very well. Here’s the first thing you’re not going to like hearing: I’ve been inside your apartment.”
My jaw dropped. “Wha… What?”
He opened the MacBook and tapped on the keyboard, then showed me the screen. There were several images of my apartment interior. I picked up the glass and took a swig of water, wishing it was something stronger. “Why were you in my apartment Mike?”
“Well, here’s the next thing: I’m a serial killer.”
I shifted back on the chair and pulled on the cuffs, starting to hyperventilate. “Oh God oh God oh God…”
“Calm down Jessie,” he said.
“Give me a fucking break,” I shouted. “Jesus Christ!” I clung onto the cuffs with my free hand and pulled hard, groaning. The table only moved ever so slightly but I felt like I’d run a marathon. I sat up and stared at Mike as I breathed heavily. “You killed Jimmy?”
“I target lovers,” he said. “I observe them for months before I take things further. When the time is right I abduct one. Which one I choose is more down to opportunity than anything else. Then I pose a question: Are you prepared to sacrifice yourself for the one you love? Make a choice; you or them.”
I covered my mouth with a trembling hand. “Oh Jimmy… You sacrificed yourself for me.”
Mike tapped on the keys some more. “I install secret cameras in the lovers’ homes when they’re out. Like I said, I observe them for months, and not just outside. I need to get a feel for their relationship before I intervene. It has to be true love or it just doesn’t feel right. And you only get to see the real deal when no one else is looking. Excessive PDAs are often a sign of insecurity, they mean nothing really.”
He turned the screen back to me and a video was playing. “I edited this just for you.”
It showed Jimmy and I sitting at our breakfast bar. In the corner of the screen was Mar 7th 2018, 07:54.
“Wait!” I said, pausing the video. “I don’t think I want to see this.”
“You have to, Jessie. I’m sorry. You’re free to leave once it's over.”
I felt my heart through my chest. “Can I at least take you up on that drink?”
He got up and walked to the fridge, taking out a beer.
“Do you have anything stronger?” I asked.
He nodded and reached under the kitchen counter, then returned with a whisky bottle and two tumblers. He poured two measures and pushed one towards me, then sat back down.
“We’re all out of ice unfortunately.”
“Fuck the ice,” I said, downing it in one gulp. I closed my eyes as I felt my chest burn inside, then signalled for Mike to top me up. After a moment I hit play on the screen.
◈
Mar 7th 2018, 07:54
Jimmy and I eat breakfast. He picks up a strawberry and rubs it against my lips.
“Stop it,” I say, giggling as I slap his arm. “I have to leave shortly.”
“Come on Jess,” he says. “Open wide.” He puts the strawberry in my mouth then gently kisses my lips.
“To be continued,” I say, getting off the stool and grabbing my things.
“No fair!” he sulks.
“Have a good day babe,” I say, kissing his cheek.
“I love you, Jess,” he says, momentarily holding me against him.
“I love you more,” I say, pulling away to run to the door. “See you this evening.”
09:11
Jimmy comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him, then goes to the bedroom.
10:36
Jimmy sits at the table on his laptop and takes a few work related calls.
12:05
Jimmy takes another call. “Hey you. Yeah. No, she won’t be back until like 7 at the earliest.”
I took another sip of whisky and briefly met Mike’s eyes as he watched me. I held the glass close to my chest, my knuckles white.
Jimmy continued. “Absolutely, I’d love to see you… Great, see ya soon.”
12:48
The buzzer rings and Jimmy uses the intercom. “It’s open.”
I downed the whisky and pushed the glass towards Mike. He leaned over and poured another measure.
Jimmy opens the door and in comes my best friend Lori. She embraces him.
13:09
They sit on the couch together.
“Shit, I’ve got to call Jess,” says Jimmy. “It’s our thing.”
“Seriously?” says Lori.
“Yep, every lunch break without fail. She’ll get paranoid if I don’t.”
Fucking asshole. It was never something I asked for or insisted on. Whatever makes him feel better.
He makes the call and puts a finger against his lips. In the meantime Lori unzips his fly and feels inside.
“Hey baby, how’s your day going? Ah, that’s awesome! Yeah, it’s been a productive morning. I’m gonna heat up some soup, what are you having?”
He puts his other hand behind Lori’s head and pushes it into his lap. His head slowly tilts back.
“That sounds amazing. Okay, well I just wanted to hear your voice baby. And you, can’t wait to see you later. Love you too. Bye.”
16:32
They come out of the bedroom and Lori puts on her shoes. Jimmy puts his arms around her from behind and nuzzles her neck.
“Do you have to leave already?” he says.
“What if she comes home?” says Lori.
“I promise you she won’t be home for a while. Come on.”
She turns and slaps his chest. “You’re a bad boy, Jimmy Mack.” They kiss.
17:43
They chop vegetables in the kitchen.
“I wish we were cooking for us,” says Jimmy.
“Me too,” says Lori. “We really should tell her soon. It’s gone on long enough.”
Tears stream as I finish my third whisky.
He nods. “I know. I keep trying. I already know how tonight will go. We’ll eat dinner and then she’ll want to watch some shit like The Notebook.”
Lori laughs. “I feel so bad for you.”
“She’s such a hopeless romantic,” he says.
“Hopeless being the operative word,” laughs Lori.
“Me-ow!” he laughs.
Mar 8th 2018, 01:22
The door to our apartment opens and in comes a tall figure dressed in black. They slowly open our bedroom door and creep inside. After a few minutes Jimmy leaves the room in a t-shirt and boxers, his hands up as he’s followed by the figure at gunpoint. They leave the apartment.
◈
I sat in silence staring at the screen.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through Jessie,” said Mike. “But as you can see he didn’t deserve your pain and suffering.”
I put the glass on the table and wiped the tears from my face. “Maybe not. But he didn’t deserve to die.”
“Would you say the same if you knew he chose you?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, like I said. I take one of the lovers and give them a choice. I’d never experienced something like this, having only observed genuine love. It threw me. He was a lying piece of shit but I still posed the question.”
Mike found another video and played it.
Jimmy is sitting on a chair in a dark room under a hanging light, his arms tied behind his back. He struggles to free himself.
“James Mack,” says Mike offscreen.
“Who are you?” screams Jimmy. “I’ll fucking kill you when I get free!”
“How much do you love Jessie?”
“What?”
“Would you die for her?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jimmy shouts.
“Would you die for her?” Mike roars, coming into shot and putting his forehead against Jimmy’s. He holds a gun at his side.
Jimmy recoils. “I… I…”
“It’s you or her James!” Mike cocks the gun and holds it against Jimmy’s head. “Make your decision.”
“Her!” Jimmy cries. “Take Jessie! You’ll be doing me a fucking favor you psycho!”
Mike stopped the video as I covered my mouth. “How does that make you feel Jessie?”
I shook my head. “I’d like to see what your response would be if someone held a gun to your head.”
He nodded. “Fair point. But just so you know, I’ve targeted 5 couples so far and they all chose to sacrifice themselves.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I hate him for this but he still didn’t deserve to die.”
Mike came over and took a key out of his pocket, then released the cuff around my wrist. I gripped it with my other hand and held it against my chest.
“Oh, he’s not dead Jessie,” said Mike, walking to the kitchen counter. He picked up the box containing the pie.
“What?”
He walked across the room down the hall, then stopped at the door at the end.
“You’re free to go Jessie,” he said. “Or you can come say hi.”
He pushed open the door then disappeared. I got up and frantically looked around the cabin. I saw my bag sitting on a coffee table and rummaged inside. My gun, my keys, my phone were all there. I ran to the main door and breathed in the cool night air, then hesitated. I looked over my shoulder.
You stupid girl I repeated in my head over and over as I approached the door down the hall. There was a staircase leading down into a dimly lit basement. I could hear Mike’s voice and some groans as I slowly began to descend, my body trembling. There was a vile smell that got worse with every step. It made me retch.
When I got to the bottom I saw Mike standing over the figure of a pale man that sat with his back to me. He was wearing rags, and the skin I could see was dirty and covered in sores. His skin was impossibly stretched over visible bones. He was eating noisily as he groaned.
“Is that good James?” asked Mike, and I saw the figure nod enthusiastically. The back of his head revealed long thinning hair with bald patches.
Mike looked over his shoulder and smiled when he met my eye. “Oh my, James. You’ll never guess who’s come to visit?”
The figure looked up inquisitively, then turned his head in my direction.
I could see it in his eyes. His handsome features had been buried under a pale, gaunt complexion. But I could tell it was Jimmy by his eyes. It took him a few seconds to acknowledge who he was looking at but suddenly his eyes widened, the thin skin of his forehead flaking as it wrinkled. He had pie smeared across his mouth. He had some teeth missing and the ones I could see looked jagged and broken.
“Jessie?” he said, in a voice that wasn’t quite the same. It was weathered, like that of a senior citizen with a bad smoking habit.
My lips trembled as I nodded. “It’s me Jimmy.”
He suddenly stood and lunged towards me, his hands outstretched. I flinched but he was held back by shackles around his ankles.
“Jessie!” he groaned. My heart couldn’t take it, feeling like it was going to explode. I fell to my knees as the 5 year mystery was solved in the most horrifying way.
“Isn’t it nice of Jessie to stop by?” said Mike. “Even after the way you treated her.”
Jimmy became restless, pulling on the shackles. He kept groaning like he was in pain.
“How could you do this to him?” I cried. “Even a rabid beast doesn’t deserve this!”
Mike shrugged. “I guess I felt bad for you. I’d never really considered the feelings of anyone else until I saw just how much you loved this man. And when I witnessed his betrayal day after day I just grew to hate him more. I knew a bullet to the brain wasn’t enough for this piece of shit.”
Mike turned to Jimmy and started rubbing his back. “But you know, over the years this piece of shit has grown on me. We’re like family now, aren’t we James?”
“No!” Jimmy screamed, making me fall back. “No no no!”
He buried his face in Mike’s neck, making him scream in pain. Dark blood cascaded down Mike’s shirt. Considering Jimmy was wasted away to nothing, Mike's attempts at freeing himself were useless. He fell to the floor and pushed himself against the wall, holding the gaping wound on his neck.
“James… Don’t…” he managed before Jimmy pounced. It sounded like a wild animal devouring its prey. I covered my ears as I watched in horror, my body refusing to let me look away.
Before long Mike was silent and still, his eyes remained open as he slouched against the wall. Jimmy turned to look at me, at first appearing shy or embarrassed. His face and chest was covered in Mike’s blood. He licked his lips and attempted to wipe it away with the back of his skeletal arm.
Eventually he started to crawl towards me, only stopping when the shackles wouldn’t allow him to get any closer. He groaned, but it wasn’t in anger. His eyes became glassy and he started to cry.
“Jessie,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
My hands trembled as I reached out to him, scared beyond belief but my heart was breaking all over again. I was in two minds, but eventually my hand met his and I felt his bony fingers between mine.
“Oh Jimmy,” I said breathlessly. “I forgive you.”
We held hands for a moment before I stood up. “I’m calling for help.” I made my way to the stairs.
“No!” Jimmy shouted. His eyes pleaded with me. “No Jessie. Please.”
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I think most people would have done the same from a place of love.
Jimmy Mack is never coming back.
dd

I'm recovering from pretty bad sides after 3 days of applying 1ml of topical 5% min per day. My sides included severe light-headedness, brain fog, tingling limbs, flushes, confusion, light sensitivity, etc. Having spoken with an expert, they think my body was absorbing too much min (see here for detail on this type of sides). I'm unsure why this is as I was being super cautious with dosage, but I guess everybody's different, and I already buzz at grade 1 so everything hits the scalp pretty easily.
My sides were so bad that I've had to come off in order to let my body recover to baseline, but I don't want this to mark the end of the road for my hair loss treatment. I'm 28M, fit, healthy, with aggressive balding at NW IV or V. I've been happy buzzing for 4-5 years now, but my hair is now receding to the point where even the buzz doesn't look good, so I'm exploring non-surgical treatments having heard so many success stories.
Given that the sides were likely due to absorbing too much min (as opposed to a reaction to the treatment itself), I think there's a path whereby I go back on min but starting at a lower dose, and then hopefully build it up to 1ml per day once my body adapts over time.
My working assumption is that any amount of min is better than no min, but there probably comes a point whereby there's diminishing returns versus the life disruption (pretty minimal IMO) plus the risk of sides.
Has anyone tried similar 'build up' approaches before? I'm of course speaking with the specialist on this too, but would help to hear first-hand testimonials as I'm unsure if I should just accept my fate at this point as opposed to playing around with cardiac / blood pressure sides...

Yesterday my T and I spoke about treatment plan, exercises, and goals, and stuff to work on, and she said there isn't just one specific exercise or one specific path to follow, it's important I talk about stuff. I said, well, I could talk about a lot of things but there's only just a few things that weigh really heavy on my mind and heart, and I'm afraid ppl will be bored hearing the same stuff over and over and they probably don't want to hear about it all the time. And she said, well, you tell it one time, then the next time you tell it differently bc you've learned stuff, you had insights, you process things, you change. And it's good if I talked, it's ok ...
I was quiet for a while and she asked about my thoughts. And I said I feel funny, like some sliding feeling, I could not really tell whether it was "good" or "bad", like something sliding off and to the side into a corner somewhere.
Then we talked about other stuff and I left.
5 minutes later I had tears in my eyes. She said it's ok to talk - whatever is there to talk about is ok, everything is ok, I am allowed to be just the way I am, she wants to hear it, someone wants to hear it! It's ok! I'm ok the way I am. Whatever wants to be spoken is ok; everything that comes up is ok. I am allowed to speak about it, and someone wants to hear it! I don't have to hide it, I don't have to pretend everything is fine. She actually wants to hear it! There's someone there who wants to hear it!
I am so grateful that she actually said it's ok that I talk and also if I talk about certain things many times. When I grew up emotions weren't talked about, showing them meant weakness, that was shamed, so I shut them off. My first T had said my emotional flashbacks were malbehavior that needs to be ignored so it would get extinguished and whenever I tried to talk about the stuff that still haunts me he would interrupt me, that made me really desperate and hopeless and it confirmed the belief that emotions are not to be talked about and talking about them will be punished in some form and that ppl really don't want to listen.
And now I am sitting here crying bc I am so happy that my T said what she said. That she said it explicitly that it's ok, and while she didn't explicitly say that she wants to hear it, I still take her words to mean it, and I am so happy. It's ok for me to talk, I am ok, I am not bad for having this mega urge to talk about my trauma(s), I am good, I am ok just the way I am, and everything that will come up will be ok.
And my wounded inner child, little me, is crying too, out of pure relief and happiness bc it feels it's not an inherently bad little person; it was never bad, it's ok the way it is, someone wants to hear what little me has to say.
Little me is ok, little me is a good little human.
I am crying so hard and I feel relief. And I think that sliding feeling yesterday was part of my armor sliding away. I feel more open, grateful, relieved, like this is the beginning of something good and healing. 😄❤️🫂

1 - English is not my first language, so some things can be misinterpreted (as happened in the old post). I will do my best to prevent that from happening.
2 - I have decided to carry out a more thorough investigation of the statements I made in my old post. So far, from what I've reviewed and researched, everything I mentioned was and is correct. I'll use other words now and quotes to make it clearer.
3 - Apart from the research I have done, I am a foreign citizen in Europe. All of my immediate and close family members have come to reside in Europe with me using various methods. Therefore, we are very familiar with the immigration system and regulations in Spain (where we live) and in Europe.
4 - The previous post was tag as "Data/Raw information" (and so will be this one). As far as my English goes, this mean that the information is or might be raw, not completed or lacking detail. That does not mean is fake, it means if you have some doubts, do a little research about it.

• You can use a residence permit or a visa to travel freely in any country of the European Union. Source here .

If you are a non-EU citizen already staying in one EU country, you may be able to go to another EU country. This applies to any kind of stay.

• Yes, you can use a residence permit granted by a country of the European Union to reside in a country other than the country of origin where it was issued. Here I was questioned in the previous post saying that it could not be done, however they used obstacles or conditions as impediments.

In general, non-EU citizens covered by EU laws can move within the EU, but with more requirements than EU citizens. For example, long-term residents can move and take their family members with them, but must apply for a residence permit in the new country. Highly-qualified workers may move to a second EU country only after 18 months and have to reapply for a Blue Card, but they can do it there and their family members may join or follow them. The EU is working on a new law that would give these workers even more rights. There are also new rules expanding the rights of students and researchers.

Also the European regulation says:

To move from one EU country to another for more than 90 days, you will need a long-stay visa or a residence permit for that country. If you wish to work, study or join your family in the second country, you may have to fulfil more conditions.

This does not mean that you cannot do it, it means that it is not that simple, therefore I was not spreading missinformation on this matter, like I was accused of. Here you can see an explanation on how to do it with a French residential permit. The European Legislation says regarding travel:

As an EU national, you enjoy the right of free movement. This means you’re entitled to travel, work and live in another EU country. If you’re a citizen of a Schengen country – which is most EU countries – you’re also free to travel to other Schengen countries without the need for border checks.

• There is no distinction between nationalities or European residence permits within Europe. By this I mean that the above mentioned in the case of a French residence permit can also be applied in case of having a different residence permit. Here you have the Eurpean Legislation on this matter. The quote says:

EU citizenship is granted automatically to anyone who holds the nationality of an EU country. Some rights and benefits derive from national law, and these may differ from country to country. Other rights derive from EU law and are therefore the same in all EU countries. These EU rights extend to everyday life – from shopping and driving to healthcare and family/relationship issues.

Rights and benefits have nothing to do with migrating or traveling to a different European country. They mean the rights and benefits you uphold while staying/residing in the country you currently are/were.

• If you have resided in a European country legally for 5 years, you can apply for a long-term residence permit. This has no term, and is automatically renewed after expiration. Here you can see the European regulations in this regard.

I have been with a girl I met online for almost a year now. I’ve been in relationships much longer than 5 years previously, so I have seen a lot of signs that I should walk away but I never do.
We met online, but have yet to meet in person. We video chat practically 24/7. There’s been trust issues with her that I’ve tried rebuilding, but it’s difficult because it seems like once I started to develop trust in her again, something else would pop up. A lot of the lost trust comes from lies, and her speaking and entertaining her ex’s, and acting on a few things that almost deviated me. I do have love for this girl, but I feel like things are happening that shouldn’t.
We tend to do our own thing when we video chat, and live our lives together. I’ve been trying to make plans to go get her so she can move in with me, and one thing that stood out to me is she has not once offered to help in any way with this trip. Now, by all means, I want to do it on my own so she doesn’t have to worry about it, but it’s the courtesy and morality of it. She spends a lot of her time playing Fortnite, which is cool and all, but it’s gotten to the point where she will never hear anything I say when I talk to her, and she pays all of her attention and energy to the guys she meets online in the game. She plays this “club like” role playing game in Fortnite, where basically you dance, get drunk, and go to the hotel with other players. I’ve tried explaining to her that it’s almost like placing your imagination and fantasies through someone else other than the person you’re with when you role play like that, but she negates anything I say about it. It’s gotten so bad that she barely looks at me, hears anything I say, and barely shows any attention towards me. I started to feel second best to the guys she meets in a stupid game. She spent more of her attention on them, and even started messaging them privately and sometimes gave her Snapchat to them. I separated from her a few months ago because of that mixed with the inconsistencies and lack of trust in her started to make me very unhappy. We eventually talked it through and started our relationship again.
These last few days have really gotten to me, because it’s happening all over again. Except this time, each time I speak to her, she shows zero emotion when speaking to me. There’s no life or effort behind her words to me, and it makes me feel invisible or a nuisance. But the split second she speaks to someone in that game, she smiles, laughs, giggles, and carries on. I’ve spoken to her about it these last few days, and expressed to her that I feel like I’m nonexistent to her. She said she’s just been having a rough few days. What I don’t understand is why treat your significant other like this but treat people in a game with an entirely different persona. I tell her I feel like she has no interest in me any longer. Her response is always “no you mean a lot to me” or “I’m not doing anything wrong”.
I got very fed up with it this morning and got off the phone with her. I told her I don’t want to stay on the phone if I’m going to be ignored, or treated with a bland, zero emotion attitude when all I’ve done is pour myself into her. Upon getting off of the phone, I just happened to notice her snap score went up over 300 points in under a few days. Her and I never send pictures since we are on the phone all of the time. She claims no one has sent her pictures and she hasn’t sent any. I guess it’s just magic then. She immediately started messaging me and saying I’m never there for her when she’s having a rough few days, but yet every waking moment I have is spent with her and consoling her.
I don’t entertain other females when I’m in a relationship, and I’m level headed enough to shut down anyone who tries to be too forward or push themself onto me if that were to ever happen. But quite frankly, that never happens because I don’t allow any open doors for some to come in between my relationships. But somehow, some way, she always gets mad at me if I speak to or say hi to one of my neighbors who is a female. Then accuses me of texting them and probably end up cheating on her. Not once have I ever cheated in any of my relationships, nor am I like that. Im mature in my conversations with others, and I associate with those who respect me and are respectful as well themselves. I always think to myself that it may just be her guilty conscience.
I truly have love for this girl, but I don’t know how to approach it any longer. I feel like she has zero interest in conversing with me, and just wants me there just to be there. I feel like she’s more worried about role playing in video games with the guys she meets in the game, rather than actually show that attention to me. I always feel bad for getting off of the phone with her because I just want to spend time with her. But we’ve been back on the phone now for about two hours and she’s barely said two things to me and back on that game mode.
I never care that she plays games, I care about the actions and motives behind the game mode. She claims it’s just a game, it’s not real life. But if I were to go role play with another female, in my eyes that’s cheating because my imagination is being placed into a fantasy with another female other than her.
I guess I’m just tired. Tired of being ignored, wasting my breath trying to have a conversation, feeling inadequate to someone else, always worrying who she’s snapping or talking to behind closed doors, always worrying why I’m not good enough, tired of pouring all of my effort and energy into someone who won’t do the same for me. But for some reason, I stick around to put up with it. I guess maybe it’s because I actually foresaw a future with someone who I thought actually cared about me at one point. She never listens when I try to talk about this, so I have to vent somewhere. So for anyone who is reading this, I thank you for giving me your time to actually listen to me. It just keeps getting worse and worse as each day passes, and I don’t know where to turn.