...and it all seems like some sick joke, waiting to see the next big "climax". Each is more drastic than the last, as if life itself is trying to push me towards a mental break of my own.
I was never the most social type. I chose my friends early, kept them, and have maintained a few over the last decade or so. I can count my close friends and family on two hands, and that's the way I like it. But almost 9 years ago, one of my closest friends passed away after a long struggle with illness and addiction. He experienced a psychotic break due to amphetamine abuse, during which he experienced delusions and auditory hallucinations of his closest friends dying in torturous ways. His experience opened my eyes to another perspective to both drug abuse and the brain itself.
Fast-forward about five years, and I’m on the phone with my brother N. It’s late night, and he’s at his new apartment all alone. He hears my other brother B and his partner C (who live in a different state), saying terrible things about him in the hallway and he can’t believe they would fly such a distance just to torment him. I’m talking him through the experience, but he’s trying to snap photos of them from over the balcony, and I need to get off the phone and get in contact with somebody who can reach him faster than me.
Thank God my parents listened to me, and left their concert early to intervene. They drove him to a hospital, and after a few days, he came home. He got the hallucinations under control, but I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I knew two relatively healthy young men who experienced these severe mental episodes. I just thought, “why does this keep happening to people around me?"
Of course, this is all before B.
I remember when C first reached out to us to explain the problems that B started experiencing. Prior to this, when he’d come to stay for a month, he exhibited manic and dissociated behaviors, but things were worse than we had seen. He was seeing visions in the skies, and feeling drawn to his higher purpose in the universe to a degree that surpassed earthly expectations. He would disappear in the middle of the night, converse deeply with strangers when compelled to do so, and lived in pure extravagance - despite his limited actual working hours.
After frustrating arguments with my husband about logistics and caring for my two baby girls (another stress entirely!) I ended up with two nights to go with my mother and try to take care of my eldest brother. We flew in on a Friday night, and once we checked into the hotel, we drove straight to his apartment.
The situation had already escalated prior to our arrival. My brother had already turned against his partner and his family. Since my mother made the mistake of defending them in her first minutes on the premises, he immediately turned against her. And so I went alone into his apartment, with the sole priority to gauge his mental state and determine just how “crazy” my brother had gone. My mom texted me from the outside, asking me continuously: “Should we call for help? How is he?”
Initially, I thought we could talk him into a hospital stay voluntarily - but anybody in a situation such as this might understand how difficult this can be. It’s no joke when Belle’s father is thrown into the back of a carriage and taken away: these situations are dangerous, and is there really any other way that they can go? My brother was unpredictable, and lashing out against those who wanted to help. He put a cigarette out on his arm, and carried a pair of scissors around in his pocket. He joked about the “devils” trying to keep him from being who he wanted to be, and to an extent, that may have been true. But in this moment, his stress and unhappiness had cultivated into a violent psychotic break that demanded professional intervention.
I don’t regret calling for help in this instance. I regret the fact that, at his age past 30, we had not drafted a written plan in case he needed this sort of medical intervention. In fact, there wasn’t any paperwork at all! As such, the police took my brother away, and he ended up in a shithole downtown for the homeless and forgotten - all because they could not share any information with us and we could not make any choices for him due to HIPAA, but he was not in the right mind to share information about his insurance or make any decisions for himself. And so the state took over, and he fell off of our radar. We drove from one police station to the next, from one hospital to another, but no luck,
B finally called my phone just before noon the next day. Thank goodness I had the same number since I turned 13 - it was the only one he remembered. The place they took him was a shithole - nothing like they promised, but what can you expect with an overloaded system like theirs? That just set the tone for the rest of our time, trying to get him in an outpatient program - trying to get him through an inpatient program - trying to get insurance to accept a program closer to us, or trying to find a program they’ll accept near home…
Life played out the way it did. There’s no right or wrong way anymore. This is just the way it happened, and nothing else will change it. In November of 2021, we realized my brother was sick. On May 31, 2022, he woke up and decided that he would leave us by any means necessary. That ended up being at a gas station pump in the middle of nowhere, in front of my father, who had the unfortunate job of trying to drive him to the hospital he liked in California.
And so my family began the “healing”(?) process. It took us four months to have a basic funeral, though it was just the close family and his ashes. C and his family flew out and spoke, and our closest friends supported us through the nightmare. C had already had some mental breakdowns of his own, but he was on medication now and his family seemed to be helping him through. We spent some time together, and he doted on my children, and delivered gifts from B that were intended for them. We took a rare photo together. I hugged him and told him to please, please stay strong for my family. My daughters loved their Uncle B, and he could keep his memory alive for them.
It was a hard and emotional time. I knew that B would want me to take care of his partner, no matter the drama between them at the time. I tried, with everything I had, to be there if he wanted me to be - but I was scared, and we are anxious people who value personal space. I didn’t want to come off too strong, but when he called me asking for permission to marry my brother in heaven, what could I do? I told him how much I loved him, and how much he already meant to me. I assured him that he was already my brother-in-law, that he had already been with my brother long past a common law marriage. Maybe that’s just the problem. Love is the strongest drug of all, isn’t it?
And so, less than a week and a half after that phone call, C went to find his soulmate through the same awful method of self-immolation. To his mercy, I heard that his soul passed much faster than that of my poor, beautiful brother. With an imagination like mine, it is not just the guilt… it’s just the whole fucking thing.
Well, if my circle is small, my living brother kept his even smaller. B and C were his best friends, and with them gone, I’m just impressed he has maintained any sanity at all. But now, as stress at work ramps up and his psychosis returns, all I can do is wait and see. This time is different: since I’m involved, he’s pulled away from me, and he won’t be as honest as he used to. His boss is listening in, there are cameras in the lightbulbs, and he’s been living on the “Truman Show” for a while now. He’s deactivated all social media to keep his boss from following him, and he’s currently been missing for 12 hours.
Everything feels hopeless. How much is one person supposed to take? I have three babies now, all aged 4 and under, and they need me to be strong. But I just feel so sad and broken all of the time. I had panic attacks before, but now? Am I doomed to follow the same path? I sleep okay, and I don’t abuse any medications, but god knows I’m a mess these days. I miss my family. I have no friends. My husband is working as hard as he can to help us.
I used to be able to count my circle with two hands. Now I’m down to one, and all the others have lost their mind and/or died. Why is this a thing now? How can I stay strong for my kids? I didn't know about this family curse until I was pregnant with my third... I don't know if I can keep watching this happen over and over again.

The Blackwood Forest has always been a source of legend in our town. Not for anything good, though. Everyone here fears it. They always remind newcomers to “Never go into Blackwood Forest.” Nobody who enters it ever comes back. At least, that was how things used to be.
​
One of the most famous incidents surrounding the forest occurred around 1989. A family of 6, the Franks, moved into a house not far from the forest. It had an expansive backyard, stretching up until the edge of the dense clusters of trees that make up the boundary of Blackwood Forest. One evening, they decided to eat dinner in their new backyard. They weren’t going into the forest, just the fire pit about halfway between their house and the trees. Another family of 3, the Andersons, joined them. At around 8:30, screaming was heard by nearby neighbors. The police were called. When they arrived, they found that the benches, tables, and chairs were soaked in blood. The grass was smeared with it in a path leading into the forest. There was no sign of either of the families. The police confirmed the blood of 9 individuals was present at the scene. Enough blood was lost to assume the deaths of all 9 individuals.
​
After that day, a massive fence was built around the forest, to keep us out, or keep other things in. The fence is 11 feet tall and designed to be impossible to climb over, with almost no footholds. A gate is kept locked tight, located at the end of a worn path leading out of the side of town. Nobody goes in, and nothing gets out. Not that anyone knows what took the Franks or Robinsons. Except, of course, for me. I’ve seen what lies beyond the gates of Blackwood Forest. I’ve seen the beasts that took those families, all those years ago.
​
The fence wasn’t really necessary to be perfectly honest. There aren’t really any trails to hike through the forest, and we don’t have many issues with kids doing stupid things like trying to sneak in for “fame.” Even if we did, the fence keeps them out. Therefore nobody has any reason to go into the forest. Everyone is too afraid.
​
But, although I listened to what everyone always said; “Never go into Blackwood Forest,” I was curious. My morning run took me past the fence and gate, and I would sometimes glance in to see what was in there. I thought it looked like a normal, albeit dark, forest. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very off. There weren’t many animals, like birds or squirrels, and you couldn’t hear the ones that were there very well. It was oddly quiet. At night, no crickets would be heard. No fireflies during the summer. It was oddly devoid of animal life for a dense forest with so many places for a small critter to live or a bird to make a nest. However besides that, it really didn’t seem that dangerous.
​
A few weeks ago, my curiosity got the best of me. I decided to see if there were any openings that I could slip into. Sure enough, on the very far side of the fence, opposite the side with the town, I found a small gap I could squeeze into. I decided that the next morning, I would grab my phone and camera and explore some of the forest close to the fence. I was excited to see what lay within, and wondered about what sort of stuff I might find. After all, nobody ever went in there.
​
The next day came, and after eating breakfast, I jogged to the small opening I’d found the previous day. I had a backpack with some water and food, as well as the camera and phone. I pushed my backpack through first, and then squeezed through the opening.
​
The first thing I noticed upon entering was how dark it was. The trees blocked out much of the sunlight. It was hard to see very much. Thankfully, I could use both my phone’s flashlight and the one attached to my camera. As I walked, the quiet of the forest around me felt eerie. There should have been the sounds of animals beginning to wake up and start their day, but instead there was silence. Every sound I made, like stepping on a tree, quickly was dampened out, as if swallowed whole by the trees.
​
After a few minutes of walking and taking pictures, I came upon a worn path. I was confused, since there was no reason for any path to have been here because nobody had ever lived in the forest. I took another photo, and decided to follow the path. After another few minutes of walking, I noticed a clearing with sunlight pouring into it ahead. In the very center of it sat an old, decrepit stone building. Off to the side, there was an old well. The building had a very weathered but readable sign, identifying it as “Blackwood Church.” I took a photo of the church and well and decided to enter. I was very curious, as nobody should have ever lived out here, this deep into the woods. There was a church that had been built as part of the original town, so it didn’t make sense for this one to be there.
​
I walked through the place where the doors would have been, had they not rotted off of the hinges. I could see the space around me because of several holes in the roof allowing sunlight in. It seemed like it was once fairly normal, though weeds had sprouted up through the floorboards which were falling apart. I stepped outside after snapping some photographs. I was going to leave back along the path and get out of the forest. As I walked, I noticed that there seemed to be several old buildings, almost destroyed, spread out on the edges of the clearing. I began to see the old worn paths made of cobblestone and dirt, almost invisible, having been reclaimed by nature. This wasn’t just some church, this was an entire town.
​
I was both shocked and excited. I spent the next hour taking photographs of all of the somewhat intact buildings and their rubble counterparts. I spent around an hour exploring the town, exploring a butchers shop, clothes store, and general store. I finally made my way to the path I had come in on. I noticed, underneath all of the foliage, there seemed to be a sign. I brushed some of the growth away and read the faded words; “Welcome to Blackwood, Population: 349, c. 1903.”
​
At this point, on top of the confusion, there was a growing feeling of nervousness in my gut. I’d never heard of any town in Blackwood Forest. Our town, Greyrock Springs, was founded in 1909. I searched the other houses on the outskirts of this ghost town. In one of them, I found the journal of a 19 year old girl named Ellie. She had moved into the town with her family, the Wilsons, and another one they were close friends with, the Millers. They had moved in 1905. The first dozen pages were normal entries about life around the town, her friend, 19 year old Janie Miller, and her older brother, 21 year old Shaun Miller. She and Shaun were apparently set to get married in a year, something Ellie wrote almost endlessly about. The 20th entry, dated September 17, 1905, however, was different.
​
The 20th entry said that 7 townsfolk and gone missing suddenly overnight. It read, “Last night 7 of our neighbors vanished. The Smith family and Mr. H. The Sheriff doesn’t know what happened to them. Their beds appear to have been slept in, and their homes appear normal. But nobody has seen or heard of any of them since 8:00 last night. I’m getting worried, some of the other neighbors are talking about dark shadows in the trees snatching them away. I hope they’re alright.”
​
After reading this, my anxiety started growing. What could have happened to the people who lived here? I looked at the next entry, 6 days later. It read “Almost everyone has vanished. The night after the first disappearances, 14 people vanished. The numbers got worse from there. The Sheriff, the butcher, the schoolteacher, all gone. Last night, 34 people, including the Millers, vanished. There are only 115 of us now. Janie and Shaun are gone, their beds unkempt, everything else in place as if they just got up and walked out. It’s 7:52 at night according to my clock. There are things making weird screeches out there. I can see the shadows outside. They’re drawing closer. I think I’m going to join Janie and Shaun tonight. At least I won’t have to live on without my friend and love.”
​
Terror was beginning to take hold now. I looked around the room. I realized that it was now noon. I had been reading for so long I had lost track of time. I got up, grabbed the journal, and ran out of the house, the feeling of being watched nearly overwhelming me. I got to the path I had walked in on. It was then that the screeching and wailing began.
​
It started as an inhuman, deep, gravelly sound, and then cracked and sounded like a dying person giving a final cry for help. Soon, a chorus of these other-worldly howls filled the forest. Terror shot through my body. I felt chills. I turned and scanned my surroundings, searching for the source of the sounds.
​
That was when I saw one of Them for the first time.
​
I don’t know how to describe Them here, but I will do my best to give you an idea of what lurks in those woods.
​
They are tall, around 7 feet, with pure black skin. No light reflects off of any part of Them, except for their milky white eyes. Brown veins reach for the center of the eye, where the iris and pupil would have been. Instead, there was just more white. In some places, Their flesh clings to Their bones as though they have been vacuum-sealed. In others, the flesh is gone, and only bone remains. Their entire body has pulsating, grey veins spiderwebbing from place to place. And Their mouths stretch from one side of the head to the other, nearly to the hinges connecting the jaw to the skull. Their teeth are thin as a needle, and they have hundreds of them.
​
One of Them was standing close to me, looking at me. It let out a screech-wail and started to run towards me. I turned and bolted, running towards the church, hoping to escape through an window-opening. As I reached the church, I turned and glanced back, only to see It standing near the well, not moving. Instead, it was growling at me. As we stared each other down, more of Them began to appear. They formed a ring around the church. I was now trapped. Panic began to set in more deeply, as I looked through the window-openings, trying to look for a weakness in the circle I could use to escape, and there was one. Directly behind the church, there was a large opening in the ring of monsters surrounding me. Taking several deep breaths and becoming as calm as I could given the circumstances, I took my opportunity and ran. I jumped out the window and sprinting with more force than I have ever used in my life.
​
I made it to the trees, hearing their horrible screech-wails following uncomfortably close behind. I didn’t stop, running through the foliage like my life depended on it, which I could tell it did. Most of Them remained behind, but a few followed me deeper and deeper into the forest, not letting up. The trees and brush whipped at me, stinging and cutting my skin, but a continued, even going faster. I finally stopped when I couldn’t hear Them behind me anymore. By this point, it was closer to 2:00 P.M. I had run in the opposite direction I had entered Blackwood from. The adrenaline I had felt began to wear off, and I wanted to collapse from exhaustion, but I knew those things would keep looking for me until they found me.
​
I spent the rest of the day cautiously searching for the fence, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find it. By the time it got dark, I was exhausted. The adrenaline from the whole day had turned into a mix of emotions, namely fear and anxiety. I decided to hide in a tree, in the event They found me. As I sat there, looking, I began to hear that screeching wail and those deep growls and grunts. They were close. I held my breath as the first one approached. It looked around, peering through the forest, searching for me. I got the feeling it knew I was close.
​
It started to scan some bushes near the tree I was in, when It looked up suddenly. I fell from my spot in surprise, hitting the ground hard and with a grunt. It let out a wail, and started to approach me. I searched for something to use as a weapon, and found a sharp rock. I looked at the large veins covering It’s chest area. It seemed like the perfect target. It began to run, screeched and then lunged. I pulled the rock from behind my back and sliced with ferocity, cutting through the veins like paper. It screamed and shrieked, black ooze shooting out of the wound like a hose until it stopped. The creature let out a final wail before collapsing to the ground. I looked at it. I could hear a sickly breathing coming from the thing. Before it died, I heard a distorted but human voice mutter a weak “Thank.. you..” and then the breathing stopped. I was stunned. I didn’t have much time to think about it, because more wails could be heard approaching fast in the distance. I continued to run through the forest, more adrenaline pumping through my veins, fear at the back of my mind. I ran for a long time until I ended up back in that town. I hid in the church, underneath the floorboards. At some point, I fell asleep from exhaustion.
​
The next 6 days were awful. I spent most of them hiding, slowly running through my food and water I had packed. One morning, as I reached the last of my water, I realized I had to escape. Although They searched the forests for me, I thought I could slip past Them and make it to the fence. But after a few minutes of preparing, I heard those wails approaching from the distance yet again. I grabbed my backpack and stepped outside again. I looked, seeing the creatures from before step out from the trees. I prepared myself, and ran. All of them began to follow me, their screeches cutting through the quiet of the forest and reminding me of how close I was to death. I went down that same worn path, sprinting through the woods. One jumped out in front of me, forcing me to veer off the path and into the forest. I ran, nearly tripping and getting cut on the branches. That was when I saw it. Ahead of me, finally, lay the fence. I took off the backpack as I approached. There was the gap. I was about to escape. They were close now, just a few yards away. I forced the backpack through the opening, forcing myself through it just as they reached the fence.
​
I turned to look back at them, snapping one final photograph. I’m not entirely sure why I did that, but maybe I just wanted proof of the truth. That I wasn’t crazy. What I saw was real. I grabbed the backpack and ran back towards town, towards safety, towards home, their growls and wails fading behind me.
​
I want to say that I’m safe now, that everything is ok, but it isn’t. A week ago, I started to hear whispers from my neighbors of wails, screeches, and growls coming from the fence. If anyone looked in the direction the sound was coming from, it stopped. I had to walk past the fence a few days ago, and I heard it. I was all alone. The fence started to rattle as well. I turned to look, but only saw a tall shadow slipping into the darkness of the trees.
​
Last night, two people who were walking past the fence vanished.
​
That brings us to today.
​
I know what They want. They are angry. I wasn’t supposed to escape. I don’t want to do this, but I won’t endanger anyone else who lives here.
​
I’ll leave the photos, camera, and journal in my desk for safe keeping. That way people will understand what I saw, at least partially. People will hear the story of the townspeople of Blackwood. That is the reason I’m posting this. So more of you know.
​
I have accepted my fate. After I post this, I will walk to the gate, and I will be taken. I don’t know for sure, but I think I will become one of Them, cursed to walk Blackwood Forest forever. My consciousness will be left a fragment, my humanity gone, as I walk the forest and wail, screech, and growl. This is the end for me. If anyone cares, my name is Daniel. I am 29 years old. I live in Greyrock Springs. If you come here, to find me or Blackwood or those things, or maybe even the pictures and journal, remember one thing.
​
Never go into Blackwood Forest.

Got my BA in ACCT might get my MACC or do rando courses and take CPA. But also may move if can get a job (i can) right now with some superv exp/costruc work but entry level acct 0 exp.
I am looking to go to state seasons are fine (ie winter,summer,fall, etc all fine.)
dont want like TX, FL, CA, NYC, WA, DE, NJ, AZ, NM.
I like the middle area more i think like WY,SD,ND,WI,OH,IN,IL,IA,MS,AL.GA.SC.NC,VA,WV,KY,KS,NE,TN,ETC.
only concern with colder spots are: Asthma (dont like the congest feeling from wild coldness), old people (dont want sick or slip and boom taken out by some stupid harsh winter when they prob could get 20+ years still)
I want to get like a LCOL with a good pay. So I can have animals, land, home, etc at kind of younger age. Temps arent 2 concerning, crime rates/rising big factor, enviroment/natural disasters are a concern (ie dont want wildfires ie CA or i 10/20 years for my area to be struggling for Water (AZ)?).
Not that I plan 2, but I would prefer a "logical" idea for gun stuff, mostly with this is just if someone is breaking into my home/still on my prop/ attacking me/ being a danger (crime going up i dont want to get charged on some BS if someone tries to rob/home invade) (NJ),
I would prefer low retirement tax implications (this would not be for my ie not for my 401k withdraw but for elderly people who I will be taking care of their disburstments ie SS/ annuity/ forget other shit but perhaps a benefit state to the. On that topic a state with no inheritance/death tax.
medical care/something within 4 hours for major surgery pref ie cancer (sure most places have this i not could use plane/drive from Lcol savings (doubt needed 4 me, old people mb but both good health, poor knees. a decent cancer screening state would b good (do those rankings even exist?)
States with entertainment of some level would be a plus:
really anything just need something:
ie i like Bball, (Indiana (maybe lcol with high pay), bull riding/horse riding (viewing not doing) might b cool, golfing (for old people not me), socialization opportunities for old people maybe?, swimming, fishing, catfishing, sewing, farming,hunting, gardening, mudfishing, College football clubs, nba teams, nfl teams, mlb, museaum, historical marks, hiking trails, national parks, scenery.
One day in my LCOL decent/high pay job I hope to have someone working for me that can solve these questions so I dont have to both yall. Also if needed I dont have a ACCT focus. I do like taxes (dont know anything at all from college at all at all.) I dont mind other ie just standard act1 etc. jobs. I have few years supervisor exp and lots of years for construction fam business. I plan to like on applications if I cant get anything 55k+ legit ie 3 year supervisor? 3 year supervisor that used _____ required skill for 1 year, ads/customer service/ job req/ finance planning/budgeting @ construction ( I did actually do this just in no way what a pro co. would do more like hours as a kid figuring our product price/costs/ pricing/ft etc. I can say I did that family business for 8+ years idk how that looks resume wise but I include skills in there a job might want ie communication or whatever.
for the like req skills somehting like
bill dot com or
quickbooks
pivot/vlookup
sql
would few dedicated hours of yt not get me to a beg level to start a job? like Bill dot com get invoice bring to there, document how Co. wants??
sql will get my ass but not applying for many with that in req.
Thank yall
​
for initial home looking 3 be 2 bath 3+ acres, if in cheap lcol then 3bed 2 bath 10+ acre. wouldnt mind 2 angus 1 dairy cows, chickens, garden (havent hcosen size yet not big deal), water supply if possible, need ac/some newer stuff (dont want to buy some shitter that needs hella fixing ie fucked roof or shitty porch etc.
trying to stay between 200/700k settlling more at that 350-550 range.

Got my BA in ACCT might get my MACC or do rando courses and take CPA. But also may move if can get a job (i can) right now with some superv exp/costruc work but entry level acct 0 exp.
​
I am looking to go to state seasons are fine (ie winter,summer,fall, etc all fine.)
​
dont want like TX, FL, CA, NYC, WA, DE, NJ, AZ, NM.
I like the middle area more i think like WY,SD,ND,WI,OH,IN,IL,IA,MS,AL.GA.SC.NC,VA,WV,KY,KS,NE,TN,ETC.
only concern with colder spots are: Asthma (dont like the congest feeling from wild coldness), old people (dont want sick or slip and boom taken out by some stupid harsh winter when they prob could get 20+ years still)
I want to get like a LCOL with a good pay. So I can have animals, land, home, etc at kind of younger age. Temps arent 2 concerning, crime rates/rising big factor, enviroment/natural disasters are a concern (ie dont want wildfires ie CA or i 10/20 years for my area to be struggling for Water (AZ)?).
Not that I plan 2, but I would prefer a "logical" idea for gun stuff, mostly with this is just if someone is breaking into my home/still on my prop/ attacking me/ being a danger (crime going up i dont want to get charged on some BS if someone tries to rob/home invade) (NJ),
I would prefer low retirement tax implications (this would not be for my ie not for my 401k withdraw but for elderly people who I will be taking care of their disburstments ie SS/ annuity/ forget other shit but perhaps a benefit state to the. On that topic a state with no inheritance/death tax.
medical care/something within 4 hours for major surgery pref ie cancer (sure most places have this i not could use plane/drive from Lcol savings (doubt needed 4 me, old people mb but both good health, poor knees. a decent cancer screening state would b good (do those rankings even exist?)
States with entertainment of some level would be a plus:
really anything just need something:
ie i like Bball, (Indiana (maybe lcol with high pay), bull riding/horse riding (viewing not doing) might b cool, golfing (for old people not me), socialization opportunities for old people maybe?, swimming, fishing, catfishing, sewing, farming,hunting, gardening, mudfishing, College football clubs, nba teams, nfl teams, mlb, museaum, historical marks, hiking trails, national parks, scenery.
​
One day in my LCOL decent/high pay job I hope to have someone working for me that can solve these questions so I dont have to both yall. Also if needed I dont have a ACCT focus. I do like taxes (dont know anything at all from college at all at all.) I dont mind other ie just standard act1 etc. jobs. I have few years supervisor exp and lots of years for construction fam business. I plan to like on applications if I cant get anything 55k+ legit ie 3 year supervisor? 3 year supervisor that used _____ required skill for 1 year, ads/customer service/ job req/ finance planning/budgeting @ construction ( I did actually do this just in no way what a pro co. would do more like hours as a kid figuring our product price/costs/ pricing/ft etc. I can say I did that family business for 8+ years idk how that looks resume wise but I include skills in there a job might want ie communication or whatever.
for the like req skills somehting like
bill dot com or
quickbooks
pivot/vlookup
sql
​
would few dedicated hours of yt not get me to a beg level to start a job? like Bill dot com get invoice bring to there, document how Co. wants??
sql will get my ass but not applying for many with that in req.
​
​
Thank yall

I have been struggling through the past few months and just need to vent/process I guess. I lost my emotional support dog of 16 years last November and have such a gaping hole in my heart. Over the past ten years I have dealt with the loss of both my parents, brothers and home. My mental health has been in the gutter for a while. Hospitalization isn’t an option as I live in the states and cannot afford that type of care.
I’ve had time to myself over the past month to do some journaling. As I’ve gone back and detailed memories from my past, the hurt I managed to stuff down as a child is hitting me. I grew up being SA’d by a family member. My mother was very controlling and narcissistic. I tried my best to be a good kid, but trouble would often find me. Wholeheartedly I cannot recall doing the things my mother would say I did then punish me for. One of the worst things I was punished for was breaking a glass lamp - something that I should remember, right? The only recollection I have of it is her flying into a screaming fit, holding my baby brother and threatening to send me away. My belongings were packed into a paper grocery bag as I waited, crying and trying to tell her it wasn’t me, while she called a service to come get me “out of her sight”. I was called a liar. I was spanked and hit as I waited. Finally I confessed to make it stop. I was grounded to my bed for the rest of summer, even into the first few weeks of my 1st grade yr. When school came, I was dressed in long dresses or my older brothers hand me downs to cover brushing from the spanking. To this day, at 33, I do not remember playing around or even knocking the lamp. This memory is a core memory that haunts me. It was around this same time that SA began at the hands of another relative outside of the home. I’ve never really recovered from either.
As an adult my heart hurts for the child that was. I battle with a guilty conscious and apologize for things beyond my control. I have never felt comfortable dating and have been single by choice most of my life. I struggle with trusting others. I am learning that trauma that happened to me as a child has played such a massive roll in shaping who I have become. From being afraid of embracing femininity to remaining isolated to never feeling I have been enough for anything or any one - even myself. I have battled chronic depression since I was 7 or 8. I have done so alone for the most part. While I did seek help when feelings of taking my life peaked in more recent yrs, drs and counselors would help me complete “safety plans” and ask who I would reach out to if things got bad again. There is never an answer.
Neither of my brothers endured the punishments or wrath of our mother. Both were praised for being good boys and then good men; despite the fact they used our parents for money and only came around on Christmas Eve. They weren’t there when our father passed. Nor were they there for her during the six yrs after. Their only contact came when they needed something from her; financially or emotionally - I know this because I was there when she’d fall apart after those calls, feeling used up and forgotten. She was all I had, I was all she had. In 2020 she suffered a stroke that left her paralyzed and in a nursing home. My brothers would then show up asking about her will and wanting to help get her affairs in order. She had no will or grand estate. The “good men” she loved so deeply couldn’t even be bothered to come to her burial. I stood alone with the staff from the funeral home as she was laid to rest with my father. The infinite loneliness that is with me now settled in that day. Over the last 3 yrs I have lost my brothers, not that I ever really had them. One to an overdose, the other in a car accident. The only joy I had was my sweet dog. Everyone loved him so very much. He is laid to rest with all of them.
I’ve been so very lost since losing him. I disassociate for days at a time and have no recollection of getting anything done. I am so drained mentally, emotionally and physically that it’s extremely difficult to function. I’m so tired of hurting. I’m so tired of being disappointed by people.

The 3 basic parameters of hashtag #Valzubiriagenda:

1. We artists and everyone else can write and self-publish art- and artist-related books: memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs. Books are forever. Pamphlets and brochures are not books.
2. We announce a schedule of increasing prices of our art pieces, which includes quantities (scarcity numbers) per price point and overall (the total quantity of art pieces we might ever make). This helps art traders, art investors and art collectors speculate or even stop speculating and instead join a community of investors working together to hopefully skyrocket to the higher announced prices in a shorter span of time.
3. We can use the NFT world, because NFTs provide the tracking (who owns what) and trading.

We can also not be involved with NFTs. Stores and individuals can help sell art using online presence and our catalogs in the stores. If this trends, or once this trends, even expensive art can be sold by neighboring businesses, without exclusivity. Commission systems do not have to be standardized. Art investors can produce their own catalogs to leave at the cafés. Even the cafés can produce their own catalogs.
Valzubiriagenda NFTs
NFTs only came about a few years ago. But I had been working on this since the 1990s. I wrote a book, Valzubiriagenda, along with fellow artist Silverio Perez, and released it in 2018 (Amazon and elsewhere), tackling everything related to #1 & #2. We'll come up with #3 in a later book/ memoi marketing book.
Any artist, including tangible artists can release 10,000 NFTs if the artist chooses to do so. For tangible artists, the NFT first becomes an Art Commission Contract for sight unseen, yet-to-be made art. Once the art is made, the NFT becomes proof of ownership that the actual, tangible art is theirs.
Warehousing our tangible art
Another related idea is that the tangible art may be warehoused by the artist so that the NFT traders continue to trade. This means that even 10-ton 10-foot tall sculptures can be owned and traded by anyone without worrying about shipping, reshipping, scratches, smudges, parts breaking off, etc. The newness of the pieces remain because they are stored by the artist, source, gallery, etc. The art piece gets shipped to the art collector, the ultimate owner.
An artist who makes ceramic coffee mugs - smaller art pieces, can release 10,000 NFTs with a schedule of increasing prices so that NFT traders can trade immediately. The 10,000 coffee mugs can get damaged, so as they are made, they continue to be stored by the artist, until the time when art collectors decide to have the art pieces shipped to them.
Why only now?
I decided to write as many book-length memoirs as I can before I came out to promote this.
I'm an artist and an author. Both need time to "master." I would not even fully use "master" on myself, because there's always something new, even to my own art, my own writing and publishing.

I am now claiming that I'm the visual artist who has produced the most artist memoirs in the world. I have 5 on Amazon. I count Valzubiriagenda as both a marketing book and a memoir-of-sorts, because it has a lot of my own life lessons on writing and publishing. I would not care to contest my claim of having the most memoirs. I will release 5 more over the next 3 years.

BARTER! Get help to write, photograph art and publish your books!
Anyone can hire 11 ghostwriters for 11 memoirs. If you can make art, but you cannot write, then barter your forever art with those who can help you produce forever books.
I don't feel the pressure of writing and publishing because I feel my focus should be on art students and art experts who would study my art and my books 100 years from now. Don't expect relatives and friends to read your books.
I call myself the Dollman
For my NFTs, I am proposing to make dioramas - my original, costumed, bejeweled porcelain dolls in backdrops that will also have precious metals and gemstones. This way I can incorporate precious metals and gemstones in my work, to make sure that people perceive my art as expensive, just in case I myself don't become "famous" - there's no need to get world famous. We are artists and all we need to do is to satisfy the art niche.
Use your laptop now!
I will encourage you to start writing your book-length memoir. Write, Edit and then Self-publish it. Get help. Why wait a hundred years for someone to write about you when all you need is a laptop and a nearby coffee shop.
Don't start counting chickens before the eggs hatch. I have encountered a lot of would-be writers who immediately see themselves as bestselling. world famous assets to society. Two even wanted me to sign NDAs (Nondisclosure agreements), because they did not want me to steal their book ideas.
Here's a suggestion. I would not personally do it. From one manuscript can come 2 books: The Original Draft (unedited, with misspellings, considered to be an art piece, scanned pages(?) of your handwritten original effort), and The Final Edition (edited).
PROVENANCE!
Another way to enhance our investability, tradability and collectability is PROVENANCE - how art ownership proceeds through time. The way this can be done is also through publishing books. Everyone can write their memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs, including traders, investors and art collectors. In effect, we artists can continue to be included or mentioned in even more books, without any additional effort by us.
You as an investor, reseller, trader, art collector should be able to publish a catalog with 250 works by 250 different artists, but they need to agree to this right from the start - it's your money, you should require them to follow your version of the hashtag #valzubiriagenda parameters, which preferably should include permission for you to publish their art. Why would you track down 250 artists later?
No exclusive contracts
If you're a café, you can call for artists, and come up with a book with for example, 30 artists, with a chapter devoted to each artist's profile and images of the artist's art.
You can distribute your catalogs to businesses and individuals near and far and online.
The book Valzubiriagenda even cites that funeral homes and janitors closets can sell art, with or without exclusivity. Airline catalogs can include million dollar art pieces. Car manufacturers, showrooms and even car repair shops can sell art as well. Everyone should be able to do this, anywhere in the world, especially not just because of the pandemic, but right now, we are in really bad economies.
What's with the name #Valzubiriagenda
I was into conspiracy theories in 2018, and this term, "The Mandela Effect," was popular. I had read many times that an artist coined the term, but I had to research online, for her name, many times, before remembering it. I'm not good at remembering names. It took me a year and a half to finally tell you that Fiona Broome coined "The Mandela Effect."
I also thought I might have to research trademarks and copyrights just to come up with a generic name. So I decided on "Valzubiriagenda." I was not really sure at first, but I decided to use it as the title for my book (with co-authoartist Silverio Perez) so that there would be no turning back and I can move on.
Am I a FUTURIST?
Someone I recently met this May 2022 just called me a futurist.
In the 1990s, I proposed to a pension fund that they can raise billions of dollars, especially for emergencies, or as needed, or out of desperation, if the pension fund purchases a quantity of art from an artist who not only has a current, reasonable price, but an announced future price that the artist wants to reach.
That future price would obviously be higher than the current price. The art commission contract for multiple art pieces can be taken to the fund's financial lender for a loan. The higher future price can be used for financing purposes.
The pension fund's treasurer, a publicly elected official, said this idea might work, but we had to keep this a secret and discuss this some more, because other pension funds might copy and do this prematurely. This idea had to come from the two of us. The treasurer needed his votes and I needed credentials.
Added into the pot was my idea that I, as the artist, will also write one book-length artist memoir. This was and still is a strong factor, because the leadership and marketing books I had read then mentioned a strong tip. If you want to advance in your field, write a full-length book that is related to the field.
Unfortunately, the elected official, the treasurer of the pension fund, who was also a friend, passed away - he was old and had ailments. At that point in time, I cannot just approach another pension fund treasurer to share this idea with.
I realized I had to write a few memoirs. I needed to set an example for other artists, so I needed to write more than one memoir. Then I felt I should also make ready another book - the how-to of what I'm up to. I wrote Valzubiriagenda, which was a memoir of sorts. I knew how long it would take me to write a book, so I had to make sure I can also consider this book a memoir.
In 2008, I imagined that someone like Bernie Madoff, or a fund like Lehman Brothers, would be desperate enough to use this to save themselves and their companies. I was not ready. I had only written 1 manuscript for a memoir.
In 2012, I released Dollman the Musical, A Memoir of an Artist as a Dollmaker. Once again, I was not ready because writing it depressed me a little, and I knew I had to write more.
In 2014, I released 3 memoirs, and re-released Dollman the Musical. Besides releasing regular books, I released special editions of the 4 books, which had a "Special Secret Insert for Bankers," which explains my ideas of an announced schedule of exponentially increasing prices, to satisfy investors, and the publication of artist memoirs, to satisfy art collectors.
In 2014, I also issued out a press release. Google "Can Billion Dollar Artist Save Investors and World Economy Valentino Zubiri PRWeb August 19 2014" and you will see the press release.
What I did was stake a claim on my ideas. I did not promote my books and the press release. I just wanted them to stay online, like a sleeping giant or a dormant volcano. I even designed 3 of the book covers to look like indie books from the 1980s. I was planting the seeds, thinking they will eventually grow and bear fruit in the future.
In 2015, I was interviewed by Richard Syrett, about one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately. This book is my memoir with paranormal stories. I could have pursued promoting my paranormal stories, but I wanted to be known first as a visual artist and memoirist, so I allowed myself one interview related to Hocus Pocus Lately. Richard Syrett has(had?) his own syndicated radio show, The Conspiracy Show with Richard Syrett, about the paranormal. He also guest hosts on Coast to Coast AM, another internationally syndicated show about the paranormal.
In 2018, I released Valzubiriagenda (co-authored by artist Silverio Perez, a fellow artist). Finally, this book is "the how-to of what I'm to."
I'm going to end this with some strangeness. In 1986, a lady at a religious gathering went into a trance and left a good number of messages. Supposedly, anyone who got into a trance would have messages, but once the trance was over, the person would not remember what was said.
I was not part of the group, but the lady turned her head to face me. She "foretold" that whatever I would decide to do in the future, it will take time, but it will be the right thing. This is one of my stories in one of my memoirs, Hocus Pocus Lately.
The Tulipmania of 1634-37
I discovered that there was this incident of rare tulips becoming collectible during the Dutch Golden Age. There were tulips so rare and so well-desired that their prices equaled to that of a house. You can read more about this online (Wikipedia) or watch a few YouTube videos about it.
Here is the most useful idea that I gleaned from the Tulipmania. The tulip bulbs remained safe inside nurseries. The traders were carrying the deeds of ownership to the tulip bulbs.
Then NFTs came to the forefront
I started learning PHP, an HTML scripting language, and MySQL, the database that PHP can connect to in the background, in 1999, when there were only 3 books about PHP and MySQL at the bookstores.
By 2014, I was trying to figure out how to make the "ledger," or database that can be used to update ownership and who can be contacted. If we are trading art, then the art ownership should be updated.
Then NFTs came about. This can be used as our ledger. Everyone can immediately trade NFTs of future, yet-to-be made art pieces, especially because it takes time to make tangible art.
NFTs actually went a step ahead, by allowing digital art to be traded.
The only setback with NFTs, in my opinion, is that it still lacks a commission system for resellers and representatives.
For example, if a café wants to represent me, then they can promote me at their café and on their online pages. If I make one piece of art that will be exclusively represented by a gallery, then that commission will be different and more specific. As ownership is transferred, the subsequent owners should be able to reset the commission. We should also have the option of giving commissions to hundreds of representatives at one time with different percentages if need be.
The recent crypto crash
Lately, we have observed that NFTs and cryptocurrencies have been behaving like the stock market and other markets. They have been fluctuating.
I believe that it is time for a trend which discourages fluctuation of prices.
I have also seen YouTube videos where social influencers are encouraging us to be on the lookout for exponentially profitable ventures, because we have all seen this happen with the exponential increase of Bitcoin and Ethereum.
Let's see if #Valzubiriagenda trends
We can announce present and future art prices. The galleries won't do this (yet?) because they follow a more traditional approach to the business of art.
We have a choice of using incrementally or exponentially increasing prices. We still reserve the right to change things in the future, so everyone should know to follow the latest update.
If this trends, if you as an artist simply announces that you will write an artist memoir, or that you will include the future works in future art books, you might have more art traders, investors and collectors approaching you.
Get your pen, paper and calculator
Imagine yourself as an artist, where you are right now. Let's just say you still do not have a book about yourself and your art yet. Imagine now that you have a memoir out there. Don't you think it makes sense to charge more than what you are charging now? Writing and publishing books is just the beginning. I'm just standardizing this approach. The books also say to do other related projects. In my case, getting Dollman the Musical onstage is one idea. You will have other related projects, but the publication of memoirs, biographies, art books and art catalogs will help all of us.
You can also imagine that a law firm that has meeting rooms, with someone who wants to form a local #valzubiriagenda group, can have meetings. A local café can do the same. Local photographers for your art, writers, editors, book designers, proofreaders and others can join in.
I suggest have printed books to share. 15 copies of your memoir or art books will be better than an e-reader or laptop or your phone to show. These gadgets can be stolen, sabotaged, broken, have coffee spilled on them, etc. 15 printed books means simultaneously showing to 15 people. You can even give them away to potential resellers, investors, traders and collectors.
When it rains, it pours, as in the days of Noah
There's a saying, "When it rains, it pours." There is a negative interpretation and a positive interpretation.
Negative: When trouble comes, they cascade to even more.
Positive: When opportunity comes knocking, more follow suit. We can assume that if one gets our art because of #valzubiriagenda, more want to do it now, because of the rising prices, and FOMO - fear of missing out. What will they lose if they miss the boat?
As I have said earlier, if the #valzubiriagenda trends, if you announce a future memoir or art catalog, you might have an increase of investors, traders and art collectors who would want to check you out. You might encourage more sales. Just remember to write and publish that memoir and art catalog.
There's this saying, "As in the days of Noah." Imagine Noah, building his ark, with members of his own family, putting all his time and effort into it. Noah was a nice guy. I'm sure every once in a while a neighbor offered him coffee, or chai latte, or whatever refreshing drink they might have back then.
Here's the lesson to be learned. Just because they offered him some type of bubble tea drink, or coca cola, they still didn't make it to the ark. Rubbing shoulders with actors does not make you an actor. I have told my artist friends to write their memoirs. They told me that once they see me succeed, after all these many years of seeing my seemingly useless efforts, then they will write their memoirs and follow the road that I had paved for them.
Good luck to them, but if I were you, act now, get my art or make art. Support the 5-year old artist whose parent promised to release a comprehensive art catalog. If you get that 5-year old's art, and mine, I would be honored to be in the same art catalog that you will produce. I'm already successful at that point. You have gotten the mission just right.
I have already claimed to have written the most book-length artist memoirs in the world. Dethrone that claim. Barter. Use ghostwriters. Success to me means facing God one day and saying, I wrote my memoirs and left the world a legacy of books and art. I will not tell God, smiling and proudly, that I encouraged a run for my art by announcing a schedule of exponentially increasing prices that reached 9 figures. I'm sure God knows we had fun.

JOIN THIS GROUP

If you want to try out #valzubiriagenda, in any capacity, join this group. Let others know about this group as well.
If you are an artist, you can let everyone know here that you will produce your memoir, art catalogs, etc. It's okay if you don't know how to go about publishing yet, I will discuss this. Please be honorable enough to produce what you promise to produce.
If you want to meet fellow artists, investors, resellers, etc., join us here.
If you are a book writer, editor, proofreader; if you can photograph art pieces; if you are a book designer, etc., join us here. Let us know if you charge, barter for art, or both.
If you have your own tips and knowledge to share, join us here.
If you have underaged artists you are managing (parents, etc.) join us here.
Join this group if you want to sell works. Post your works. You web links. I'm sure I will.
You can announce meetings in your area. You might have meeting rooms, a café, restaurant, etc. where people can meet. In the future, you can have the regular show and tell, where books can be shown and shared.
​
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, Artist, Memoirist
Underaged artists are welcome here, so please be mindful of your language. We cannot post your adult-oriented art pieces, but you can direct us to a separate page or community. There will be limits to your posts, and there will be adult-oriented art that we cannot allow to be posted.
Thanks for reading. Please let me know if I need to edit some parts. Please share and join this group. - Valentino Zubiri, Dollman, artist & memoirist

Hi all, long time lurker here but I wanted to get some unbiased opinions on this. This story is long. Sorry in advance.
Six months ago, I (27M) ended a friendship with a my long-time best friend (28M) and of 7 years after a fairly explosive fight about the woman he is dating (33/34F). The whole thing took me by surprise. We currently have a large tight knit friend group of people across a variety of major cities and we all try to hang out when we can. However, some of my friends in this group have been unhappy with me for cutting of ties with this person.
For context, This friend was my college roommate, fraternity brother, and the most consistent source of emotional support and guidance throughout my early-twenties. Throughout college, I felt that we had a unique and supportive friendship. He taught me how to be believe in myself, stand-up for myself, take care of myself better, and brought a lot of light into my life as a friend. We were both full-scholarship students at a fancy-pants highly ranked college that is know for being elitist and stuck-up. Looking back, I think one of the things that made us such tight friends is that we didn't fit in all too well at that school. Both of us had pretty difficult lives before college and neither of us had any money. He was essentially an orphan and I was/am from a low-income single parent household. However, despite these circumstances, I felt like we both inspired each other to become more well-rounded and well-adjusted people. A central theme of our friendship was trying to figure out how to live a good life, solve interesting problems, make the world a better place, and to go on adventures with good friends.
During our early twenties/in college I feel like I did everything I could to be the best friend possible. Since he didn't have a stable father figure, I tried my best to be a loving brother. I was there to support him for every major test or every time a girl broke his heart in college. I knew that finding a group of friends and a community was important for him, so I advocated for him to join my fraternity. While my fraternity was voting on final round of rush, I was working on a major project with some classmates and someone texted me that my friend didn't get enough votes to be offered a bid to join. Immediately, I told my partners that I had to go for an emergency and ran to where the voting was taking place. I basically made a 2-3 minute long speech about how my friend was one of the best people I've ever known and convinced everyone to revote him into the group. Additionally, when he had to take a year off from college because a close member of his family passed a way, I spent almost every weekend with him for emotional support, helped him navigate the dark and uncomfortable family drama around the situation, and was the only friend who went to this family member's funeral with him for support. I even helped him with the little things, like teaching him how to tie a tie and find his own sense of style.
However, towards the end of college and after graduating, my life got difficult and dark. At the end of my senior year, two close relatives of mine passed away within two weeks of each other and I became extremely depressed. After graduation, I left my home state for a job that offered me a significant amount of money. Though my plan was to go to grad school, I wanted to take some time to make money and help my younger sister afford college - she didn't get any significant scholarships. However, the job I worked at was terrible. I was being abused almost every since day by my boss and the company I worked for was extremely unethical. After starting this job, I learned that the average hire only lasts about 6-8 months and that having a breakdown from working there was extremely common. Working here took a huge toll on my mental health and after 9 months, I quit to return home before I broke down like many of my co-workers. I thought things would be better when I went back home but some of my family members were going through it at the time and became abusive as well. Though my family was never abusive towards me growing up, for some reason they chose to be abusive when I came back. Chairs were thrown at me and I never had a moment of rest. I also had a grandmother who was living off food stamps and nobody was taking good care of her. So I had to continuously try and get her groceries while working 60-70 hrs/wk on a construction job. It was a bad time.
During all of this, I felt that my friend was being extremely immature and selfish. He kept yelling at me and criticizing me for not hanging out enough with him and not partying with him enough. Even after explaining my situation, he didn't offer too much support and expressed frustration that I wouldn't help him meet girls at clubs or get laid. He's always had a deep desire to find love but has traditionally had issues with female rejection. One night, I agreed to go out clubbing with him, but I remember explicitly stating that I was not in the mental space to hit on girls, wingman, or to hook-up. I was just down to drink, dance, and have a good time. Despite this, at the club he got extremely frustrated with me when I wouldn't start any conversations with groups of girls. When we got home he literally starting screaming in his bed about how he wished someone "would show him the steps" on how to meet women. Though this was clearly not a high point in our relationship together, I felt that he was probably just going through something and let it go. After a few months, even more negative things happened in my life and eventually had a mental breakdown. I definitely was not acting normally or myself for 3-4 months afterwards either. Despite this, my friend insisted that I party with him and a group of other people one night. However, when we were ready to go out, I overheard him loudly making laughing at me and making fun of my behind my back about how "I had serious mental problems, totally lost it. etc." I was shocked because he definitely knew about all that I was going through. After this, I stopped reaching out to him and to distance myself. Part of me didn't trust him anymore but also I wanted to see if he'd put in effort to keep our relationship strong.
Fast forward a few years, and we were still friends but not as close as before. I partially attributed this to me moving around different states for work and also for finally getting into a grad school far away from everyone. During this time we both ended up dating women which we both considered to be long-term partners. Initially he starting dating this girl for a couple of months, and then something terrible happened in his life - his last surviving family member died. After telling her he needed to put their relationship on pause and leave town to wrap up family affairs. She blew up at him while he was out of town, about how he "led her on" and wasted her time. For context, she made it clear that she wanted to get married and have kids after 2-3 years of dating.For some reason, he got back together with her and stayed with her for a few years, but he expressed some concerns about her to me. He told me that she didn't really seem interested in engaging with him on an intellectual level (e.g., reading books with each other, talking about work) and also expected him to pay for all of their dates and meals (which were pretty expensive) because he has a well-paying job. He also expressed worry that she'd wouldn't be interested in respecting or having a relationship with any of our other friends because of her age. Because she was 31 at the start of their relationship she felt that a lot people in our friend group of mid-twenty somethings "wouldn't be mature enough" for her.
Despite telling him that these were all big red flags, he continued dating her. Because I was busy working and trying to make money for my family I never got a chance to hang out with her. But as predicted, as all of our close friends eventually met her over the years - she was pretty disrespectful. Though she never fought or argued with anyone, she'd either ignore people or be passive aggressive.
She also started to negatively influence his perception of the world and his level of maturity. After a member of our friend group (who previously has always been kind and caring) had a public freakout and yelled at his girlfriend because he was in a bad mental state, I called him to talk about how we could support our friend and expressed concerns that a marijuana addiction might be contributing to his issues. Instead of talking about the issue he said that our friend was "spoiled", "immature", and said that his girlfriend "weak woman" - which was out of character.
Eventually, my partner and I met this girl during my college reunion and we felt that she was pretty awful. He begged me to go to this reunion multiple times and even though I told him that I couldn't go because of the COVID risk (I work with patients who are immunocompromised), and the fact that I really couldn't afford travel costs. After the second or third time he asked me to go, I relented and said that it'd be fun to go and see all of our friends again. Instead of agreeing with me, he interjected that he wanted to go because he felt our classmates would look fat and out of shape because of their jobs and he wanted to go because he was in "good-shape" and had a hot girlfriend.
My friend allowed my girlfriend and I to stay at his appartment to save money for the trip. Before the actual reunion we all agreed to hang out. My girlfriend arrived in town a day before me and spent time with both of them before I did. Though I wasn't there, my girlfriend told me that this woman threw a napkin at a waiter during dinner. Apparently, she also got sleepy at around 9pm while my friend was showing my partner around the apt. Instead of waiting respectfully or finding a place to rest, she passive aggressively pretended to fall asleep in the common room of the apt and pretended to snore. Then after a few minutes she started yelling that she called an Uber for herself to go back to her place, slammed a door in my friend's face, and left the building - leaving him to chase after her.
I met her the next day during a double date, and I didn't get the best impression. I tried to be nonjudgemental but it was pretty hard to hold a conversation with her. When I asked about her interests, she could only really talk about how she like to drink/party a lot, spend a lot of money, and travel. Though this really wasn't that bad (who doesn't love these things), I initially thought she was just shallow because thats really all she could talk about. However, as we spent more time together bragged to me about her older brother threw a glass ashtray at an elderly neighbor. Additionally, at a one point in the double date, she made fun of a man going for a run outside. He was actually in pretty decent shape and even had visible abs, but she kept saying how he was "too overweight" to be running without a shirt, and bragged about how she was in great shape and runs marathons. Despite this, she has a pretty significant muffin top and if my understanding is correct she hasn't run a marathon in many years. When we actually went to our reunion, she kept complaining to me that all of my college classmates kept staring at her and that they were all clearly "obsessed with her" because of how attractive she is - even at times when there would be almost nobody around. At the end of our time together, he told me he want to elevate their relationship and was thinking about moving in with her. He also suggested to other people he was interested in getting married and having kids soon.
I called my friend few weeks after all of this and expressed concerns about his relationship. Trying to be as respectful as possible while being truthful, I told him that I was concerned about him furthering his relationship with this woman. First expressed that she was hard to talk to and that she displayed some concerning behaviors. Then I highlighted that he should consider that she might not be the best long term partner. I felt that since she made the death of his family member "all about her", she probably wont be good teammate or a supportive partner when they both go through difficult times together. In all, I probably spoke for about a minute and a half before he started getting defensive and hung up on me to "take a brake from the conversation".Afterwards he stopped talking to consistently me for about six months. He mentioned to other friends that he and I would have a formal discussion about how I crossed a line soon, but he kept putting it off and never reached out. Even after I sent an apology text, he kept ignoring me.
Finally, six months ago visited the city that I'm currently living in to visit some people in our friend group and didn't tell me. I was invited by people in our group to spend time with them, but I immediately noticed that something was off. When I would speak about my interests or things that were going on in my life, my former friend would roll his eyes or look at me with disgust. Later in the night, I asked him if he wanted to finally have the discussion her wanted to have and he explosively blew up at me. Immediately, he started intensely screaming at me asking me about why I didn't like his partner. This took me by surprise, so I started getting heated and I pointed out that she seemed pretty superficial, hard to talk to, and that she was really disrespectful to all of our friends. Quickly, he got even more angry and said that all of our friends were "career obsessed people" and that I was the worst one of them all because I'm obsessed with grad school. He said that I was "an egotistical person", with "poor social skills", and that I only care about making friends with people "who kiss my ass and and feed my enormous ego". Additionally, he stated that I was an extremely "selfish person" and he purposely grew apart from me because I was such a broken person with so many problems. He also said that if I couldn't see or agree with him I "needed to look deep within myself". After this, I went home, slept off the fight, and texted him to cut off the friendship the next day.
Not only did I found all of this hurtful, but I found this to be extremely hypocritical. Despite all that I did for him, he wasn't really there for me during the worst years of my life. Also, I recognize that I do work abnormally hard and dont spend time as much time with my friends as I used to. However, I feel that I mainly do this to so I can be successful in support my family and because grad school is a deep passion of mine.
I get the sense that now, some of my other friends are a bit upset with me because I ended this friendship. Is this my fault? I did press him. He initially said that he wanted to wait on our discussion, but I pointed out that we live in different states and don't see each other that much anymore. Did I pressure him too much? Maybe I'm being too sentimental, but I used to think that this was the person in my life who knew me the best. I used to always think of myself as the kind of person who will stand up for what is right. So hearing this from him, made me question my own self-perception a bit.
Sorry for the long, great-american-novel, of a post.

This is largely a thank you post to the HGG community, and Dr. K. in particular. You all literally saved my life. I will always be indebted to you.
A few years ago, I was contemplating suicide. I was a 26 y/o virgin with only minimal dating experience. I grew up in a religious cult, started by my father, and while deep down I didn't believe it, it took me until I was 26 to accept it emotionally and begin healing from that process. I was broke, just fired from grad school, and desperate to continue in school because I believed, at that time, that my worth was only as good as my intelligence and career success. But because I had given up on my religious background, I had no friends, no allies, no safe place to express my feelings. Every day, I would apply to new labs at my university, continue teaching in a subject I didn't care about, then come home, drink alcohol, and practice playing Russian Roulette with a revolver my father gave me for my 18th birthday.
A couple of weeks after doing this, my best friend from college called to tell me that his father had killed himself. I'll spare the details, but it was unexpected and gruesome. At the funeral, my friend's mother was telling me about his father. That he had been sexually abused as a child, that he felt immense guilt for his career success, and that he never thought he deserved the love of his two highly successful children or his wife. He was 55 when he killed himself.
I spent a week with my friend at his house. I slept on the couch, and helped with cleaning, cooking, helping with anything I could. Never once did anyone cry. It was dead quiet, except for the comedies the family watched together. I secretly cried in the bathroom when I took showers, as it felt like the only place I could feel my sadness without disrupting the family's "peace".
I returned home, shaken to my core. If my friend's father could be 55, with a loving family and highly successful career, and still feel the need to kill himself, then how would I ever survive? How would I ever be happy? I was due to go back to school, but I didn't want to go. I was too overwhelmed and helpless. Where once I had held a cultist religious belief to keep my going, now my source of hope was gone. I got out the revolver again, this time loaded it, and then started crying.
I don't know what moved me to do this, but I called an acquaintance of mine who I knew was interested in collecting guns. I told him I had a gun I didn't need, and wanted to see if he was interested in buying it from me. He came over that evening, and I showed him my father's revolver. I sold it to him for $5. He knew what I was doing, and to this day he still checks in on me every once in a while.
The next day, I went to my school's mental health provider, and got a recommendation for a psychologist.
Growing up, my identity was shaped by my father, through emotional and sexual abuse, to think that I was a chosen one, born to save the world through my intelligence. My father is highly intelligent, and narcissistic. As his first child, he expected me to be everything he was, but better. He grew up in a trailer park in rural Texas, where he was surrounded by sexual abuse, violence, and drug addiction. He and his 4 siblings were highly motivated, and all of them worked hard in school to get scholarships and go to college. My father worked himself silly, got 2 master's degrees, and found a prestigious engineering job in the national security sector. The sector he worked in exacerbated the paranoia he had from growing up in an abusive environment, and simultaneously gave him a superiority complex.
He was actually a decent father for the first few years of my life. My parents fought often, but he did his best to take care of me as best he knew how. He was work-obsessed, and his religion that protected him from the abuses of his upbringing made him extremely misogynistic. So, while he wasn't the most pleasant to be around, he wasn't the worst.
That all changed when I was about 4 or 5. In the span of a year, my mom became accidentally pregnant with my little brother, and my father's father died. The drive to Texas for the funeral was the beginning of a youth full of sexual and emotional abuse. My father nearly killed us all in the car with his road rage. I was so scared I soiled myself. We pulled over at a gas station to clean me up, he beat me and told me how much he hated me, and how selfish I was for not holding it in. When we arrived at his moms house, he made me shower with him, and sexually assaulted me as punishment.
From then on, I was keenly aware of my father. In public, he would laud me, shower praise on me, and tell everyone how proud he was of me. In private, he would hold me down in bed, force me to make eye contact, and repeat everything he said to him, as he told me he hated me, that I stole his opportunity for success away from him, and that I was the most selfish person he knew. He would force me to memorize bible verses, sing hymns, and pray for forgiveness for all of my many sins. As a young child, I had no idea what my sins were. He brainwashed me into thinking I was sent from God to save the world using my intelligence. Growing up, I wanted to be a musician. I was very talented, but my father was incredibly jealous of my abilities, and forced me to study math and science, because that was what he believed saved him from his abusive childhood.
I processed all of this through psychotherapy with my psychologist, and it helped immensely. I kept applying for research jobs, and got a PhD in a highly competitive field. I made tons of friends who welcomed and supported me. But it wasn't enough, and I still felt lonely and purposeless. I was capable of doing, and getting better at feeling, but not accepting myself, and still carrying judgement for myself. I still felt as though life was passing me by, and I had no choices to make, only adversities to survive.
It was during COVID when I discovered Dr. K and HGG. I was in Texas at the time, and had just survived the big freeze, where I had a week with no water or power. I was looking for jobs, not feeling like anything I did mattered, and that my relationships were hollow. Dr K's lectures helped me to accept my past, to allow myself to be patient, and to process the insane amounts of trauma I had survived. Every interview was helpful, and allowed me to grow my compassion for myself. I began meditating and coaching around the same time, and my psychologist began a group. Through all of that, I had an experience which allowed me to be enlightened, and that experience has made me incredibly grateful for my past, and has even allowed me to forgive my father. And while I say I forgive him, he will never be a part of my life again. The forgiveness is for me, understanding how he became how he is, and forgiving myself for my late start. I didn't put any effort into forgiving him. I just realized it happened, and it took me a long time to accept that.
I'm writing this today from a place of incredible gratitude. Since all of this, I discovered that I was using porn to cope with the memories of abuse, and the insanely high expectations I held for myself. I have been working on that addiction. I have had 2 long term girlfriends, and a healthy sex life, and sex communication with them. I've lost over 60 pounds through cycling and weight lifting. I eat healthier and feel great. Though I still resent my career, I have learned (better) how to detach from it. In two years I went from being un-hirable, to being a professor. My boss and I are starting a company. I am single now, but I have begun to overcome my social anxiety for being so far behind in life, and am starting to date again, knowing that I am enough even with my intense doubts. Despite intense social anxiety, last night, I made a new friend at a bar, because he liked my bike. We went on a bike ride this morning with his wife, and it was very nice. I have learned guitar, and I sing in a community choir, and try to make music as much as I can.
I am still not happy. I know nothing I do or experience, nor any person can fill the gaping hole in my heart. But the change now, is that I allow myself to feel my discomfort and unhappiness. The tears, dry-heaves, and flashbacks have all made room in my life for happiness and gratitude. That is something I never thought I would ever feel. And eventhough my social circle isn't as big as I'd like, and my friends aren't as close as I'd like, and eventhough I'm single for the moment, I know I am enough. I know I have survived hardships, and that I can do incredible things. I know I don't have to do incredible things to be deserving of love. And when I do die, it will be because of something out of my control, and I will not be to blame for it.
If you are struggling, please reach out for help. Talk about your feelings. Feel your feelings. Especially the ones that make you feel the most helpless. Your feelings cannot harm you. They are there for you as a way to protect you. If you do not feel safe with your emotions, it means you have been trained that sharing your emotions isn't safe. I encourage you to find a safe person or place to share your feelings with, and to treat yourself with the same amount of respect and dignity you would give anyone else. And for those of you who have also found this same peace and acceptance, understand that you cannot force it upon anyone else. Many times, people have tried to help me find this peace and acceptance I have today, but I had to find my own way there, when I was ready. If you have people in your life who struggle, please just be patient and supportive. You can't do this for someone else.
Thank you so much to this community, and to Dr. K especially. You are all incredibly kind and helpful, and I have been given so much insight into who I am, and what I am capable of, through your support and sharing of your own stories. Treat each other well, and do your best to be the person you needed when you were a child.

“Hello, new world, all the boys and girls. I got some true stories to tell. You're back outside, but they still lied. Woah-oh-oh-oh. Yeah.”
“Take off the foo-foo, take off the clout chase, take off the Wi-Fi. Take off the money phone, take off the car loan, take off the flex and the white lies. Take off the weird-ass jewelry, I'ma take ten steps, then I'm taking off top five. Take off them fabricated streams and them microwave memes, it's a real world outside. Take that shit off. Take off your idols, take off the runway, I take off to Cairo. Take that shit off. Take off to Saint-Tropez, five-day stay, take a quarter mill', hell, if I know. Take that shit off. Take off the front flag, take off perception, take off the cop with the eye patch. Take that shit off. Take off the unloyal, take off the unsure, take off decisions I lack. Take it off. Take off the fake deep, take off the fake woke, take off the, "I'm broke, I care.” Take it off. Take off the gossip, take off the new logic that if I'm rich, I'm rare. Take it off. Take off the Chanel, take off the Dolce, take off the Birkin bag. Take it off. Take all that designer bullshit off, and what do you have?”
“Bitch, huh, huh, ugh. You ugly as fuck. You outta pocket. Huh, two ATMs. Hah, hah, hah, hah. You steppin' or what? You outta pocket, huh. Who you think they talk about? Talk about us You outta pocket—shoot, shoot, shoot. Who you think they copy off? Brrt, brrt, brrt, brrt Copy off us. Get back in pocket.”
My meds have been doing good to me, I’ve been like in a better headspace lately but that also could be for other reasons.
Let’s see, I spent the morning looking after my father, he mostly slept, which isn’t surprising. So I listened to some music to look for more songs on my journal. I tried making more progress with my music, but I just need to be in the mood when that happens.
Did get into a bad mood at some point over some bullshit with my family. I cracked my phone case throwing it in the ground out of anger. I mean i took care of the problem, but I regret when I respond to things in anger. When I get angry, I often say things that I end up regretting. It’s definitely cost me a few things lmao.
Once it was around 1 PM, my grandparents showed up to look after my dad once I head off to work. I was just getting myself ready for the Camp Flog Gnaw tickets to drop.
An hour later, I managed to fucking snag myself a VIP ticket, I couldn’t believe it. But I fucked up. My stupid ass completely forgot about my AXS account. So I decided I’ll make a new account with my other email.
Okay, so I thought, maybe I could change the email, nope, I either buy it with that email or not get it. I decided to bite the bullet by finalizing the order. I had a ticket, but it wasn’t really mine yet.
I panicked for like 20 minutes as I did my best to get the issue fixed. Thank GOD, Adam from customer service had my fucking back. He’s a real one for having to deal with me. My friend was able to get his tickets with his girlfriend, who is now coming along. So nowI have to deal with getting hotel rooms and like the plans for what we’re doing in California.
Also kinda had a bit of a breakdown afterward. I had a nice moment with someone I’ve met from Reddit this past week, he reads these journals, if you’re reading this rn, you’re never getting that ticket to Disneyland. But anyways, he lent an ear on something that’s been bothering me for years. And I think I can now be more like at peace about it. I really appreciate that.
I mean I’ve thought about writing about my past and childhood on here since I only really talk about the present, but it’s just bad. A bit of good, but mostly negative.
I’ve thought about maybe writing a memoir one day for a long while now. I’d joke to myself how it would have to be like in volumes since the shit that happened in my childhood would fit one book alone lmao. Might as well make some money out of it, I’d tell myself. But in the end of the day, who’s going to read that. Oh wait, you probably, but only for free more likely, I don’t blame you.
I soon went off to work at around 3 PM, the bus was seven minutes late, and it was hot as hell. The bus was very full today as well, so that sucked. I got to work 11 minutes late, I need a fucking car.
Anyways, my brother, uncle, and I are serving a dinner for a Jewish couple, which is funny since my brother didn’t realize they were Jewish until after the fact. Some of the guests had a kosher dinner, we served them kosher drinks, and they even had their ritual and ceremony. I really hope my brother was fucking with us when he said that. I haven’t seen my uncle that stunned in awhile 💀.
The dinner went good. The only real issues we had was pouring grape juice in these glasses and the fact that no one left until an hour after the event was over. That shit infuriating me off so much. The amount of times, I wanted to just kick everyone out after 20/30 minutes after an event. Like do they not noticed they only paid for a certain amount of time? And we’re not able to do anything about it or else our bosses would get upset.
At least I got some free cookies out of it. I was told I did a great job, if I did a great job then a tip would’ve shown me I did :). I took some leftovers from the dinner home with me for my family.
Before my uncle dropped me off home, we went to my grandmas to drop off some of the leftovers. I was surprised to see my cousins there. I haven’t really seen them much at all this year, shit, I haven’t really seen them much since my childhood. It’s sad that we’ve all kinda grew distant over time. I thought about talking to them for a second, but figured I might as well head home.
My uncle and I talked about how terrible things are done here. We talked about how one of our bosses would’ve been fired by now at others places. We’re pretty much always shit talking about we don’t like the management. I got home at around 10:30 PM. I almost ended up taking a shower, but I decided to save it for tomorrow.
Apparently the VIP tickets sold out fast as fuck, so I got REAL lucky. I don’t even know how I ended up getting to the shop that fast. I definitely used up all the luck I’ve had left this year by just pulling it off.
Song Of The Day: Kendrick Lamar - N95

She wasn’t a text book MIL from hell, just a very broken woman who didn’t know what was appropriate to say and do in front of people.
1) when my fiancé and I bought a bed bc we were planning on moving in together. While out to eat with several family members we mentioned something about the bed. She then begins lecturing me on how I need to buy a mattress cover because I will ruin the mattress with my periods and that I don’t know how to perform proper hygiene. This woman had never been past my front door in my home nor has ever had to deal with any of my hygiene issues she’s pretending I have. Everyone at the table felt very uncomfortable, her daughter later told me that MIL was neglected as a kid and not daughter proper hygiene so she assumes everyone else also doesn’t know how to care for themselves.
2) at my fiancés funeral before the actual service, in front of several people she addresses the “Virgin love” I had for her son. She went on to say, “my son was your first in everything and I know it will be hard to move past this but maybe one day I’ll be able to have sex again.” Once again, everyone felt uncomfortable because what the actual fuck?!?
3) when I was pregnant for my son we found out he was going to have a heart defect. She and her husband had a prayer circle going to heal by baby. They invited me over for dinner one night and it ended up being a prayer ambush. She invited several of her prayer circle people and she asked me to sit in a chair while they all prayed around me. Her husband tried laying hands on my belly while saying he is casting out the demons harming his grandson. I was in shock and froze. After they were done they were ready to eat, I stepped outside for fresh air and left.
4) after finding out I was pregnant she sat me down to have a sex talk with me. She was talking to me as if I was a child, I was about to graduate nursing school and her son and I had been engaged for well over a year at this point. I reinforced with her that even though the pregnancy wasn’t planned that it was welcomed. We had been together for 3 years at that point and it was just a happy accident from a course of antibiotics that made my bc fail.
I’m sure there were more incidences that I can’t recall at the moment. She was over all a well intentioned woman, just didn’t know what the time or place was for talking about things.

13 Hours VUDU $5 (split) 3 From Hell (Unrated) MA 4K $10 300 Rise of an Empire MA HD $5 31 VUDU HD $7 42 The Jackie Robinson Story MA $6 47 Ronin VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) A Quiet Place VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD $6, iTunes 4K $6 (split) A Quiet Place Part 2 VUDU 4K $10 Action Point VUDU $3, iTunes 4K $4 (split) Alfred Hitchcock collection MA 4K $30 (Rear Window, Vertigo, Psycho, The Birds) Alien MA 4K $9 All the Money in the World MA $6.50 Allied VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $7 (split) Almost Famous VUDU 4K $10 American Gangster MA 4K $11 American Hustle MA $5 American Made MA 4K $10 American Psycho VUDU 4K $10 American Reunion MA $5 (split) American Sniper MA $5 Amira (drafthouse) $2 Anatomy of a Murder MA 4K $10 Animal House MA 4K $10 Anna MA 4K $10 Annabelle MA $6 Annihilation VUDU 4K $8, VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Antebellum VUDU 4K $10 Apocalypse Now VUDU 4K $10 Apollo 13 MA 4K $10 Argo MA $5 Arrival VUDU 4K $8, VUDU HD $4, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Atomic Blonde VUDU 4K $7, VUDU HD $4, iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) Back to the Future Trilogy MA 4K $20, MA HD $15 Bad Grandpa VUDU $5 (split) Battleship MA 4K $10 The Beguiled MA $5 (split) Benji (moviespree) $2 Beverly Hills Cop MA 4K $10 The Big Lebowsky VUDU 4K $10 The Birds MA 4K $9 Birds of Prey MA 4K $10 Blade MA 4K $11 Blood Father VUDU $5 Bloodshot MA 4K $10 The Blues Brothers MA 4K $10 Book Club VUDU $4, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Boss Baby MA $5 The Boss (Unrated) iTunes $4 Bourne Identity VUDU 4K $8 (split) Bourne Supremacy VUDU HD $4 (split) Bourne Legacy VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) Jason Bourne VUDU 4K $8 Braveheart VUDU 4K $10 The Breakfast Club MA $6 Bumblebee VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $6 (split) The Bye Bye Man iTunes $5 Cabin in the Woods MA 4K $10, VUDU HD/iTunes 4K $6 The Campaign MA $5 Captain Fantastic MA $5 Casino MA 4K $10 Clint Eastwood a Cinematic Legacy MA HD $6 Cloverfield VUDU 4K $10 Clueless VUDU $7 Cold Pursuit VUDU 4K $10 The Commuter VUDU 4K $10 The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It MA $8 Crawl VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) The Curse of La Lorona MA $5 Daddy's Home VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Daddy's Home 2 VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Dallas Buyers Club VUDU $6, iTunes $6 (split) The Dark Knight Rises MA HD $5 Darkest Hour MA 4K $10 Days of Thunder VUDU 4K $10 Deadpool MA 4K $10 Deadpool 2 MA 4K $10 Deepwater Horizon VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $7 (split) Den of Thieves iTunes $5 Despicable Me 2 VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Despicable Me 3 VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD $5 (MA) (split) Dirty Grandpa MA 4K $10 Do the Right Thing MA 4K $10 Dom Hemingway MA $5 Dr. Strangelove MA 4K $10 Dreamworks 10 movie bundle MA $30 (Shrek, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda, How to Train Your Dragon, The Croods, Home, Trolls, The Boss Baby, Abominable) Dredd VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Dunkirk MA HD $6 E.T. iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Elysium VUDU 4K $10 Ender's Game VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Evil Dead 1 4K $8 Evil Dead 2 4K $8 (together $14) Ex Machina VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD $5 The Expendables 3 (theatrical) VUDU $4, iTunes 4K $5 (split) The Expendables 3 (unrated) VUDU $4, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close MA $5 The Fast and the Furious MA 4K $8 The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift MA 4K $8 Fast Five MA HD $5 The Fate of the Furious MA HD $3 Fences MA $5 Field of Dreams MA 4K $10 Fifty Shades of Grey VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) Fifty Shades Darker iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within MA 4K $10 First Man MA 4K $10 Fist Fight MA $5 Focus MA $5 Forrest Gump MA 4K $10 Friday the 13th 8 movie pack VUDU $35 Full Metal Jacket MA 4K $10 Fury MA $5 Gandhi MA 4K $10 Gangster Squad MA $5 The Gentlemen iTunes 4K $8.50 Gemini Man VUDU 4K $9, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Get Out VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $5 (MA) (split) Ghostbusters: Answer the Call MA 4K $10 Ghost in the Shell (1995 - anime) VUDU 4K $8 Ghost in the Shell (2017 - movie) VUDU 4K $10 GI Joe Retaliation VUDU 4K $10 Girls Trip VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (MA) (split) Godzilla MA 4K $10, MA HD $5 Godzilla vs Kong MA 4K $10 Going in Style MA $5 Gold VUDU $6, iTunes $6 (split) Good Boys MA $7 Goonies MA 4K $10 Gone With the Wind MA $7 The Greatest Show On Earth MA $8 The Greatest Showman MA $6 The Great Wall VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $5 (split) The Green Knight VUDU 4K $10 Green Lantern + Green Lantern: Emerald Knights MA $9 The Grey VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) Grudge Match MA $5 Hacksaw Ridge VUDU 4K $10 Hail, Caesar! MA $5, iTunes $5 (split) The Hangover Part II MA $5 Harold and Maude VUDU $8 Harriet MA $7 The Hateful Eight VUDU/GP $6 The Heat MA $5 Hell Fest (2018) VUDU $5 Hell or High Water VUDU 4K $10 Hidden Figures iTunes 4K (MA) $8 Hitman's Bodyguard VUDU 4K $10 The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey MA $5 Home Alone MA 4K $8 Hop VUDU $6, iTunes $6 (MA) (split) Hope Springs MA HD $5 Horrible Bosses MA $5 Hostiles VUDU 4K $10 The House MA $5 How to Train Your Dragon 2 MA $4 Hugo VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) The Hunger Games VUDU 4K $6, iTunes 4K $3 (split) The Hunt For Red October VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $6 (split) The Huntsman: Winter’s War MA 4K $10 I Feel Pretty iTunes $5 Ice Age MA $4 Independence Day MA 4K $8 Inglourious Basterds MA 4K $10 Instant Family VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Interstellar VUDU 4K $11 Invisible Man (2020) MA $6 It's A Wonderful Life VUDU 4K $9, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Jack Reacher Never Go Back VUDU $5 (split) Jack Ryan VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) James Bond - Daniel Craig 4 movie collection VUDU 4K $25 (Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace, Skyfall, Spectre) James Bond - Spectre VUDU 4K $10 James Bond - Skyfall VUDU 4K $10 Jaws MA 4K $10, MA HD $5 Jerry Maguire MA 4K $10 Jigsaw VUDU 4K $10, VUDU HD $7 John Wick VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) John Wick 2 VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) John Wick 3 VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD/iTunes 4K $7 Journey 2 SD $2 Juice VUDU 4K $10 Jupiter Ascending MA $5 Jurassic Park VUDU $5 (split) Jurassic Park III VUDU $5 (split) Justice League MA $5 The Karate Kid (1984) MA 4K $10 Kidnap VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) King Kong (2005) VUDU 4K $10, VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Kingsman: Golden Circle MA 4K $7 Knights of Sidonia - Love Woven in the Stars (funimation) $8 La La Land VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) iTunes 4K $7 (split) Last Action Hero MA 4K $10 The Last Stand VUDU $5 Lawrence of Arabia MA 4K $10 The LEGO Movie MA 4K $8 Leprechaun 1-7 VUDU $15 Live by Night MA $5 Little Monsters $6.50 Logan 4K $8 Logan Lucky VUDU 4K $8 Lone Survivor VUDU 4K $8, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) The Longest Ride 4K $7 The Lorax iTunes $5 (MA) (split) Love & Monsters VUDU 4K $10 The Lucky One MA $5 Lucy MA 4K $10 Mad Max Fury Road MA 4K $9, MA HD $5 Mad Max: The Road Warrior MA 4K $10 Magic Mike MA $4 Maggie VUDU $5 Mama (2013) iTunes $5 Mamma Mia! MA 4K $10 Man of Steel MA $5 Men in Black III MA $5 Midway MA 4K $10 Mile 22 iTunes 4K $7 Minions VUDU HD $5 Mission Impossible 1-6 VUDU 4K $45 Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Mission Impossible: Fallout VUDU HD $3, iTunes 4K $3 (split) Mood (drafthouse) $2 Monster Hunter MA 4K $10 Mortal Kombat VUDU 4K $12 Mother! VUDU 4K $5, iTunes 4K $4 (split) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington MA 4K $10 The Mummy 1-3 MA 4K $18 (split) The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor iTunes 4K $6 (MA) (split) Murder on the Orient Express MA $6 Nebraska VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) Neighbors VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (MA) (split) News of the World MA 4K $10 Noah VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (MA) (split) Oblivion VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Office Christmas Party VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Oliver! MA 4K $10 Overlord VUDU 4K $6, VUDU HD $4, iTunes 4K $4 (split) Once Upon a Time in Hollywood MA 4K $10 Operation Finale iTunes 4K $6 Ouija: Origin of Evil iTunes $5 Pacific Rim MA HD $5 Peppermint iTunes $5 Pet Sematary (1989) VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $7 (split) Pet Sematary (2019) VUDU 4K $8, VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Philadelphia MA 4K $10 Pitch Perfect VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Pitch Perfect 2 VUDU $5 (split) Planes, Trains & Automobiles VUDU/iTunes $6 The Post MA HD $6 Power Rangers VUDU 4K $9, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Prometheus iTunes 4K (MA) $8 Psycho MA 4K $9 The Punisher VUDU 4K $10 The Purge VUDU $5 (split) The Purge 1-3 VUDU 4K $20, iTunes 4K $18 (MA) (split) Rambo 1-5 VUDU 4K $30, VUDU HD $20 Rambo: First Blood VUDU 4K $9 Rambo (2008) VUDU 4K $9 Rampage MA $6 Ran VUDU 4K $10 Rear Window MA 4K $10 Red Heat VUDU 4K $10 Red Sparrow MA $6 Resident Evil MA 4K $10 Resident Evil: Afterlife MA 4K $10 Resident Evi: The Final Chapter MA 4K $10 Requiem for a Dream VUDU 4K $10 The Revenant MA 4K $8 Riddick (Director’s Cut) iTunes $5 (split) Rob Zombie Trilogy VUDU $10 (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, 3 From Hell) Robin Hood (2018) MA 4K $8 Robocop (2014) VUDU/GP $5 Rocketman VUDU 4K $9, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Roman Holiday VUDU/iTunes $8 San Andreas ma 4K $8 Saw VUDU 4K $9 Scarface MA 4K $10 Scott Pilgrim vs. the World MA 4K $10 Scream (1996) VUDU 4K $9 The Secret Life of Pets MA 4K $10, MA HD $5 Sense and Sensibility MA 4K $10 Sherlock Holmes Game of Shadows MA HD $5 Sicario VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Shawshank Redemption MA 4K $10 She's The Man VUDU/iTunes $6 The Shining MA 4K $10 Shrek MA 4K $10 Shutter Island VUDU 4K $10 Skyscraper MA 4K $10, MA HD $5 Sleepless MA $5 Smokey and the Bandit MA 4K $10 Snatched iTunes 4K (MA) $6 Snow White and the Huntsman iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Snowden iTunes $5 (MA) The Social Network MA 4K $10 Sonic the Hedgehog MA 4K $10 Spartacus MA 4K $10 Speed MA 4K $10 Spider-Man Homecoming MA 4K $10 Star Trek 1-4 VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K $35 (The Motion Picture, The Wrath of Khan, The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home) Star Trek (2009) VUDU 4K $10 (split) Star Trek Into Darkness VUDU 4K $10 VUDU HD $5, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Star Trek Beyond VUDU 4K $9, VUDU HD/iTunes 4K $5 (split) Steel Dawn VUDU $5 The Sting MA 4K $10 Straight Outta Compton MA 4K $10 Stripes MA 4K $10 The Suicide Squad MA 4K $10 Super 8 VUDU 4K $10 Tammy MA $5 Taxi Driver MA 4K $10 Ted (unrated) VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) iTunes 4K $5 (split) The Ten Commandments VUDU 4K $9 Tenet MA 4K $10 Terminator 2 VUDU 4K $10 Terminator Dark Fate VUDU 4K $9, iTunes 4K $5 (split) Terminator Genesis VUDU 4K $9 The Theory of Everything iTunes $5 (MA) (split) The Thing MA 4K $10 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri MA $7 Top Gun VUDU 4K $10 Total Recall VUDU 4K $10 Transformers 4 Age of Extinction VUDU HD $5 (split) Unforgettable MA $5 Universal Soldier VUDU 4K $10 Upgrade (2018) MA $7.50 The Upside iTunes $5 Underworld MA 4K $10 Underworld: Blood Wars MA 4K $10 Underworld: Evolution MA 4K $10 Universal Classic Monsters MA 4K $30 (Dracula, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man, The Wolfman) V for Vendetta MA 4K $10 Vanilla Sky VUDU HD/iTunes 4K $7.50 Valerian VUDU $6 Vertigo MA 4K $10 War for the Planet of the Apes iTunes 4K (MA) $6 Warcraft VUDU 4K $10, iTunes 4K $7 (MA) (split) Warrior VUDU 4K/iTunes 4K $10 We're the Millers MA $5 What Men Want VUDU $5, iTunes $5 (split) White Boy Rick MA $7 Why Him? iTunes 4K (MA) $6 Widows MA $7 Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory MA 4K $10 Wizard of Oz MA $6 Wolf of Wall Street VUDU 4K $10 Wonder VUDU HD/iTunes 4K $6 Wonder Park VUDU $5, iTunes 4K $6 (split) Wonder Woman 1984 MA 4K $10 Wrath of the Titans MA $5 X-Men: Days of Future Past iTunes 4K (MA) $8, MA HD $5 XxX Return of Xander Cage VUDU $4, iTunes 4K $5 (split) You're Next VUDU $6 Sony Buff Pass MA $8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Disney/Marvel (all split) Aladdin iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $6 Ant-Man and the Wasp iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K) The Avengers iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $6 The Avengers: Age of Ultron iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $6 Avengers: Endgame MA 4K $8, GP $5 Avengers: Infinity War MA 4K $8, GP $5 Bedknobs And Broomsticks GP $8 The Big Friendly Giant (BFG) GP $7 Big Hero 6 GP $6 Black Widow MA 4K $12, MA HD $8, GP $6 Captain America: The First Avenger iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $7 Captain America: The Winter Soldier iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $7 Captain America: Civil War iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $7 Captain Marvel MA 4K $8, GP $5 Celebrating Mickey MA $8 Christopher Robin MA $7 Cruella MA 4K $12, GP $8 Finding Dory iTunes 4K $8 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $4 The French Dispatch MA $10 Frozen GP $4 The Good Dinosaur GP $4 Hocus Pocus MA 4K $10, GP $7 Jungle Cruise MA $9, GP $7 The Lion King iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $5 The Little Mermaid iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K) Maleficient MA 4K $10, iTunes 4K $9, GP $7 Maleficent: Mistress of Evil MA 4K $10 Million Dollar Arm MA $8, GP $7 Moana iTunes 4K $8 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $4 Mulan (animated) iTunes 4K $8 (ports in 4K to VUDU), GP $6 Mulan II MA $8 Mulan 2020 (live action) GP $5 Nomadland GP $6 Peter Pan Return To Never Land MA $10, GP $9 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales iTunes 4K $10 (ports to VUDU in 4K), GP $6 Pinocchio MA $9, GP $7 Pocahontas GP $8 The Santa Clause GP $7 Shang Chi GP $5 Star Wars 1-9 MA 4K $75, GP $55 Star Wars: The Force Awakens MA 4K $8, GP $4 Star Wars: The Last Jedi MA 4K $8, GP $4 Ralph Breaks the Internet MA 4K $8, GP $5 Robin Hood (animated) GP $8 Rogue One MA 4K $8, GP $5 Tarzan GP $8 Thor: Ragnarok iTunes 4K $8 (ports in 4K to VUDU), GP $4 Toy Story GP $6 Toy Story 4 MA 4K $10, GP $6 Who Framed Roger Rabbit MA 4K $10, GP $6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TV Shows The Blacklist - season 2 VUDU $6 Game of Thrones - season 1 iTunes $5, GP $3 (split) Game of Thrones - season 2 iTunes $5, GP $3 (split) Game of Thrones - season 3 GP $3 (split) Hannibal - season 1 $6 Man Men – Final Season Part 2 VUDU $5 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I accept PayPal Goods and Services. Prices available when buying 3 or more titles (I will be covering the fees). For less than 3 titles add a 10% PayPal fee to the total. HD quality where not mentioned.

I’m currently living in a nursing home and rehab facility recovering from a hemmorhaggic stroke that has paralyzed my left side and left me wheelchair bound. I’ve been here nearly three years (thanks for that curveball,2020!)& have made a handful of sweet old friends in their sixties, eighties, and ninetie. On the weekends we would get together so that I could show them movies that I thought they should watch- ‘Hook’,’Jack’, ‘Lilo&Stitch’, ‘Frozen’,’Encanto’,’Moana’,’Jumunji’, the entire‘Harry Potter’ series and whatnot. Unfortunately my friends have been dying one by one, starting last June with my sweet66 year old friend and neighbor, Daniel- he had a health crisis last May and was hospitalize, his wife said that she would have him come back to this facility once he was released from the hospital - I’m unsure of what actually happened with him but I do believe that it was something to do with his blood sugar (though he was not diabetic-but his family brought him a lot of sweets and sodas that he would go through at an alarming rat)& then once he consumed all of his goodies, he would constantly ask the staff for snacks and whatever so I believe that his wife was worried that the staff would not stick to his new diet or something and took him to another facility where he ultimately passed away at, then in at the beginning of March, my fellow stroke survivor and neighbor who was young and either in her thirties or fourties’ passed after having another stroke, later in March, my new friend, Joan passed away after a stint in the hospital I was told that she didn’t die but that she would not be coming back to the facility- I assumed that she maybe needed more care than this facility provided but after a week in the hospital, she did in fact return here but was a mere shell of who she had been- to me she already looked dead, her face was sunken and she couldn’t close her mouth so she just gasped and wheezed instead of talking - I didn’t think she would survive the night she returned but she did and she passed a few days later. Early April my 99 year old friend, Ellen passed unexpectedly in the night, she was always a bit depressed but she was in good health and always ready to mock my hiccups the moment I got them lol. Late April, my 85 year old diabetic friend, Lisa was hospitalized with liver failure and passed a week and a half later- the last time she had called me from the hospital, her tv was blaring so I couldn’t stay on the phone with her because it was hurting my ears and I couldn’t hear her anyway- her text to m a mere12 hours before she died was gibberish and I couldn’t make out what she was trying to say, so I tried calling her but it just went to voicemail, I was told the next morning that she had passed that morning… anyway, the housekeeper was in my room this morning wiping down my footboard and sadly said “oh you don’t have anyone you can talk to now.” - I don’t think she meant any harm in saying that I think she said it because she was sad thinking of all of the deaths. But damn, now the reminder has made me sad because I don’t have anyone to watch movies with on my iPad on the weekends and my old, younger friends have their own lives and better things to do than come visit their “old”friend in a nursing hom, jezee lady, thanks for the dose of depression today …

Company Name	Title	City
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse- Dialysis	Barre
BAYADA Home Health Care	Evening and Weekend Caregiver	Bennington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Lead RN - Primary Care	Brandon
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Perianesthesia - PACU	Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Resource LNA - Full Time Nights	Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Critical Care Float	Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - High Tech - Adult Home Health	Colchester
The University of Vermont Health Network	LNA - Hospice - Community - Days	Colchester
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Inpatient Rehab	Colchester
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse, Charge - Post Acute	East Middlebury
The University of Vermont Health Network	LNA - Long Term Care	East Middlebury
BAYADA Home Health Care	Hospice Registered Nurse (RN), Hospice, Full Time Case Manager	East Middlebury
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Part Time - Family Medicine	Milton
BAYADA Home Health Care	Registered Nurse (RN), Hospice, Full Time	Norwich
BAYADA Home Health Care	Hospice Registered Nurse (RN), Case Manager, Full Time	Rutland
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Dialysis	Rutland
Kinney Drugs	Cashier- Part Time Days & Weekends	Shelburne
The University of Vermont Health Network	RN	South Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse (RN)	South Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Registered Nurse - Ambulatory Orthopedics	South Burlington
The University of Vermont Health Network	Occupational Medicine Office RN - Waterbury	Waterbury Center
UniFirst	Route Service Manager - UniFirst ($2,500 Sign-On!)	Winooski
UniFirst	Route Service Supervisor- UniFirst ($2,500 Sign-On!)	Winooski
Suncrest	CNA	Saint Albans
Suncrest	Cook	Saint Albans

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings , feel free to comment here if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

Warning ⚠️ nsfw, violence, [email protected] assault
Background information and to let people know I'm safe.
I 21f live in the United States. I live with my bf 27m. We have been dating for a year and seven months. From our first date I knew his was the one. He's just the right mixture of funny, serious and sweet. He's is an amazing man who I hope to build a future with. He parents and family are amazing people whom I love immensely. They are great people. I am not sure where I'd be without him. He's my everything.
I have been putting a strain on our relationship because I need help. We have talked about this plenty and we want to make sure we communicate with each other and we do.
The thing I need advice about is also the reason there is the strain in our relationship. Here's my story.
Pt 1:
I 21f live in the United States. Growing up I lived with my mom and several boyfriends which resulted in my two younger siblings 13m and 18 m. Growing up I didn't know who my father was. My mom has dated two men at the time of contraception. So it's either one or the other. So one of my brothers is a full brother and the other is a half brother.
My mother was never married to either of her partners. But then one day we got a call from my aunt saying she was coming up to see us from Tennessee with her husband and my cousins which were way younger than me at the time (I was 13) and a friend. When she arrived she introduced her friend. Let's call him Rick. He was a man in his late 20s early 30s. He was nice and my mom really liked him. I remember how I would tease her saying she liked him.. After they all left back to Tennessee my Mom started to video chat with him. I was so excited about my mom finding another boyfriend and I was even more excited to find out he was going to come live with us.
You wouldn't believe how quick it was for my excitment to end. One day my mom, Rick and I were watch teenagers mutant ninja turtles (the live action ones) we had watched the first one but then my mom went to sleep. My brothers were younger so they were asleep as well. I sat there with Rick and after my mom fell asleep Rick pulled me into his lap. That was the first time he touched me. He told me we wanted to show him something. To stay quiet and Still. I froze up and told him to stop. And from then for the next 7 years he didnt stop. Not even when my best friend killed themselves in 2018.
Every chance he got he would touch me, take photos and do more vile horrible things to me. I can't bare to go into the details on here no matter how much I wish to tell someone. I can't do that to someone. It's horrendous... I didn't tell anyone until my senior year. I told my friend after breaking down on her after he had beat the shit out of my that day for telling him no. She was the only person up to that point.
It was like a weight was lifted. It felt so nice for it to be off my chest. I explained to her that's why she was never allowed over with him. My friend was a few years younger than me. I couldn't take that chance.
I was so depressed back then. The year my friend killed themselves I gained nearly double my body weight. I gave up on everything I loved. Suicide for me wasn't option. I was so against it, my friends suicide hurt me and everyone around him so much. I could never do it. But with that in mind it felt like I was trapped. I couldn't die but I couldn't leave. I was stuck.
My grades were horrible. I went from near straight A's to c, d and f's. I couldnt pay attention in school due to the constant abuse at night. I signed up for as many after school programs as I could and started bouncing friends houses each weekend. My mom had no idea what was going on. She had no idea why I hated him so much. She had no idea that each time he came into my room to "tickle" me He was actually doing other things to me. I would scream and cry for mom to make him leave me alone. Each time it caused a fight because she would ask me what he was doing to make me scream like that and all I could say was he was "tickling" me. Or would stop touching me. Because I was terrified He had threatened me several times to hurt me or my brothers or my mom if I told.
One day. I had enough. It was about 2 months after my friend's funeral that I snapped and I told myself I wouldn't let him touch me again. (I was 16) when he tried I slapped him hard...but he slapped me back harder. Making me bite my cheek. He shoved me down into my bed and threatened to put me in the hospital. The back of my legs bruised from hitting the rail of the bed. He left me alone for the rest of that day. Once my mom got home I ran outside to tell her about his threat but I couldn't bring myself to tell her why he made that threat.
She confronted him and of course he denied it. He told her that I was just spaced out sitting in my bed. (I have dissociative spells. ) That are very similar to focal seizures. I have had them since I was 14. They are stress induced and he straight up told my mom that I was hallucinating. They took me to a neurologist which determined that I was having a dissociative spells and then told my mom and him that having hallucinations were not a part of that. Plus I had bruises on the backs of my legs from where they hit the bed as proof of it happening.
Fast forward a few years of abuse. It wasn't just sexually, it was verbally and physically. Not to mention the small things he did when I told him no. Ex. Putting dead mice on my people, stealing my stuff, convincing my mom not to let me go out.
After graduating highschool, that summer I spent working as much as I could and bouncing houses or camping out. I didn't want to go home anymore. I waited for summer to end so I could leave off to college.
I didn't want to go to college but I felt I had no other choice to get out so I went. The first month of college I did very well. I was starting to be happy again. I tried to move on with my life. I got into clubs and made a few friends. I thought I was doing better. The nightmares seemed to slow down and I could finally sleep.
Around SeptembeOctober I started looking at online dating and I found him. My current bf 27m. We had started seeing each other. Going on dates but not actually dating. We didn't make it official for a few weeks. Which in that time I made a male friend who was working at my college as kitchen staff. He was funny and easy to talk to. It was nice to have another friend. We spent the entire day together I mean from breakast on campus to midnight in my dorm. But then it was time for bed. And I walked him downstairs and expected to see him again then next day. As I get up to my floor I get a phone call from him. He says he needs a ride to a gas station because his van is out of gas. I tell him I can't drive at night. It stressed me out and I have stress induced spells. He didn't know what to do so I invited him back up to my dorm. I have to beds in my dorm. Told him he could sleep in the other one.
When I woke up he was on top of me. Touching me and trying to pull my pants off. I told him no and to get out and escorted him out of my dorm. I blocked his number and avoided him around campus. After awhile he was arrested for peeing all over a students car on campus and I found out I wasn't the only one who he had done this to. He has restraining orders against him.
After that night I tried to kill myself for the first and last time. I failed horribly and then got even more depressed that I had tried to do that. I ignored all calls and texts and didn't leave the dorm for a week and then after stopped going to classes. I stopped trying to do anything. I slept all day and didn't even talk to friends or family for weeks.
At Thanksgiving that year I planned with my aunt to move in with her and drop out of college. I tried to talk to my mom but she wouldn't have it. So for the first time in my life I decided for myself and went completely against my mom's wishes and dropped out after the semester ended.
Shortly after Thanksgiving I go over to my aunt's house again. My uncle and her have been arguing for awhile when everything calms down and the approach me. They bring me into their room and sit me down. My aunt is on the near verge of tears as she tells me why they were fighting.
Rick, my stepdad lived with my aunt first before having introduced him to my mom. She informed me they had an affair. But after awhile she wanted to stop and Rick threatened to tell her husband. After a long while she broke it off and told him that it's his death bed if he tells (my uncle is a veteran) so It stopped. Until one day after my aunt moved back up here. My aunt was helping my other uncle (her brother) and my grandma mowing some lots (they did landscaping) they ran out of weed eater string so my uncle and my granny went to get some while Rick and my aunt went to the creek to cool off. (This was after he married my mom) He tried to touch her. But she told him no and immediately got away and went up to her car and sat in it with the doors locked.
(She did tell my mom that rick was not boyfriend or husband material. And also her affair started off in a time where she had major marriage problems. And she needed a friend to lean on. Then after awhile it becomes more. My uncle does not blame her for what she did. )
She told me this and I couldn't help but cry. When they asked me why I was crying I immediately blurted out he had been touching me. And then I immediately tried to take it back. I was terrified that I had told someone in my family. They said it was okay and just let me cry as they hugged me. They said we should tell granny and also ask my cousin if he had done anything to her. I reluctantly said yes. My cousin (14f) said he had not done anything to her.
Telling my granny was a mistake. She told everyone else. Everyone knew besides my mom. She told me to not tell. Because it was all in the past. I should just let it go and never tell my mom. I didn't tell my mom for awhile. (December)
Fast forward until June. My car need the brake pads replaced and the only person that can do it is Rick. (The only mechanic in the family willing to do it) so I go to drop my car off (my cousin is with me. (we work at the same place and she rode along.) He wouldnt do things if we weren't alone. I didn't realize until after I put my cousin in potential danger.
After he replaced my break pads. He told me to get in the car so he could show my why my break light was on. He wouldn't give me my keys unless I did. I thought I was safe because it was maybe a minute ride around the street and back. As soon as I got in he pulled the car out and drove down the street. After a moment he stopped the car and reached over trying to touch me. I slapped his hand away and told him to stop. He almost growled. I told him we better get back before my cousin noticed. He growled a bit more and started the car back up and parked in the driveway. He threw my cars at me and I told my cousin to get in quickly. We left as fast as we could to go to work.
At work (worked at a water park. It was ran by my family) I cried in the car for a moment before trying to collect myself. I got out of my car and got ready for work. As soon as I walked in my mom knew something was wrong. But I wouldn't tell her. I went over to my grandmother and told her what happened and she said it was my fault and to get over it. I told her that it wasn't in the past now and to protect myself I would be telling her after work. My grandma was angry with me but I didn't care anymore.

Would love suggestions on places that provide a green burial - no embalming, buried in biodegradable material, etc. Ideally looking in northern NJ (found one cemetery in Steelmantown, NJ).
I’m preparing my will and other docs this week and this is one of those steps that’s important to provide clarity on to family down the line. Figured I’d ask here before just calling up every funeral home in the area :)

First, some background story: my parents were born in a country where during their times, people always had many children and because of the scarce economy, going to school was not popular and people’s existence was based on hard labour, so parents always relied on the help of their children. My mom escaped from this fate, but my dad had a pretty rough childhood. Both his parents didn’t have a high education, they married young and had 5 children ( I have 2 uncles and 2 aunts from his side), my father is the 3rd so basically the middle child, his father was a shepherd and his mother stayed at home. The thing is, my grandfather was a horrible person, he always exploited his children, didn’t let them go to school because they had to help him, he always beat them up and was always in a fight with my grandmother. But my grandmother was not an angel either, because after the fights with my grandfather she left her kids home alone for long periods of time, sometimes even days, and didn’t stand up for them when my grandfather beat them and choose to not divorce him because it’s a embarrassing thing, so that lead to basically her neglecting them.
While growing up my other uncles and aunts left the country one by one to work abroad and so did my father. There he met my mother through a mutual friend, and then they had me and then my brother. I lived 9 years in that country, but when my father started having health problems due to the country’s humidity and he couldn’t go to work, money became tight and my parents decided to move back to their hometown. My father came constantly to his hometown when we lived abroad and during the summer he worked rebuilding his childhood home, so when we came here, my family moved in the house while his parents lived in an annex attached to it.
After years of disputes between my father and my grandfather came to an end when my grandfather died, things started going downfall between me and my grandmother. I have to add a very crucial point, I have a cousin (we will name him “X”) that lived with my grandma, because my aunt didn’t know any better, and she married young and had him before divorcing her husband. X began to live with grandma after his mother dropped him like a piece of garbage and moved abroad to live the rest of her youth. He grew spoiled and in his teenage years he did nothing but party, did bad in school and treated grandma like sh*it, but because she raised him she turned a blind eye on all his actions.
Now, me and my brother were basically her slaves, we did everything for her, bring anything she wanted, ordered us around, made us buy her groceries, did work for her while threatening us she would tell on us to my father if we did not obey her, while X did nothing. I had to cancel plans to help her or delay them. We had to go to the store near 4 times a day to buy sh*t for her, and we started getting sick of being her personal workers so when my brother (8 at the time) refused to go to the store, my grandma lamented to my father and he beat my brother until he pissed himself and his shirt was torn. I started growing resentment towards her, and because I decided to not back down, my disputes with her started.
Well when I grew up things changed, because my other grandma (we will call her Y) came from abroad to live in the house she built while working, and we started living with her when my mother decided to go back every 3-4 months to work abroad while changing places with her mother (so when mother was home, Y wasn’t, and viceversa). And so every time Y came home, we had the chance to escape her.
Y was always sweet to my father’s mother so when one day I come back from school and learn that my father’s mother called Y and named her lazy and disrespectful for not coming to visit her I was furious. Keep in mind that during that period, my father was not home bc he was working abroad, and she was left alone and didn’t have her slaves to help her, and my father sent a package to us that I had to deliver to her. When I get there, I first took the keys and fed the dog and when I came back, I found her screaming at my brother and when she saw me she starts screaming and berating at me, so I start screaming back and confront her about the accusations towards my Y. She started denying that that ever happened, called me a liar and an ungrateful child and refused to accept the package that I carried during winter and in a 50 minutes walk and kept tossing on the ground the keys that opened the gate where the dog stayed. I was shaking and I had no internet connection so when I called my mother with the wi-fi of one of my friends that lived at the end of the street she was shocked and she told me to leave the package there. Then the grandmother started complaining to other relatives that I assaulted her when that never happened, and so I had to defend myself at every family gathering.
When my father returned home with my mother, I could not stand seeing her so I decided to ignore her, no greetings, no eye contact, no helping, no touching etc. and because she is a petty person she did that too.
The current situation is giving me a lot of privileges: I don’t have to do what she wants, I don’t need to run errands for her, my father can’t force me to help her ( because he witnessed a lot of disputes where he realised his mother was really a b*tch), I have more time to myself and I can do whatever I want.
What I don’t like is my father that keeps pressuring me into apologising to her ( and i’m like for what?) because she is old and doesn’t realise what she is doing, but from my perspective she actually knows what her actions mean and their negative consequences and I consider the old age motive not reasonable enough to excuse years of bullying from her.

He is a life long prepper and I am too in my own way. That’s why I love this group and enjoy reading all the threads here. I’m literally frozen and don’t know what to do. I like to be objective and focus on what is needed and what needs to be done but I just can’t think straight. I suspect it’s a lot of anxiety and depression hitting me hard and fast. He has his funeral plans and will and paperwork done this week. I’m not a beneficiary as we are a blended family. I can’t work as he needs 24/7 care at home but he’s hospitalized more than half the time. I’m about to find myself alone in a rural hilltown with my dog in an old farmhouse and may have to move. Life here is not easy with dirt roads and everything so far away. A preppers dream location perhaps but I’m not sure I can pull it off alone. My dog is a German shepherd and overly protective of me. Nurses and aids coming in and out. Multiple ambulance trips. Im minimizing my own possessions and debts as well as his with the money I had saved over the years. I have food that can keep us going for a while but he hardly eats anymore. His guns are being legally transferred to others. I’ve been sleep deprived for 3 months now and trying to prioritize what needs to be done. I just want to spend what time is left with him and don’t want to leave his side.

Hi,
I was wondering if it's worth getting the WiFi plan priced at 199 or less for our home. We are a family of four, and we don't use a lot of internet except for streaming Netflix occasionally and attending Zoom meetings. Two members already have 10 GB data plans from their office.
I also noticed an offer in du mobile data plans. For 200 AED, you get unlimited internet at 3 Mbps, and for 240 AED, you get unlimited internet at 10 Mbps. Both plans come with additional benefits of around 1000 and 1600 local minutes, respectively.
Currently, I'm using the elife 299 package, which is more than sufficient for our needs.
Let me know your thoughts.

Hi,
I was wondering if it's worth getting the WiFi plan priced at 199 or less for our home. We are a family of four, and we don't use a lot of internet except for streaming Netflix occasionally and attending Zoom meetings. Two members already have 10 GB data plans from their office.
I also noticed an offer in du mobile data plans. For 200 AED, you get unlimited internet at 3 Mbps, and for 240 AED, you get unlimited internet at 10 Mbps. Both plans come with additional benefits of around 1000 and 1600 local minutes, respectively.
Currently, I'm using the elife 299 package, which is more than sufficient for our needs.
Let me know your thoughts.

I was recently diagnosed with fibroids.
I had an endometrial biopsy where my gyno said my uterus was about 13cm when for a woman my age (31) with no history of pregnancy should be about 7cm. This caused her to order an ultrasound (internal and external) where they found several ovarian cysts (PCOS diagnosis since 18/19) and that my uterus was measuring around 12cm. The ultrasound was a week after the biopsy and I had been on Norethindrone (5mg 2x daily) for 6 days.
My bleeding decreased TREMENDOUSLY until I missed a days worth of doses between work burn out and depression just making me unable to do anything. After some intense cramping and light bleeding I realized I missed doses and got right back on track.
Since then (just over a week) I've been having heavy bleeding with stringy, fibrous clots increasing in size (currently about palm sized with a few being fist sized). Within the last 12 hours I have bled through about 6 of the massive overnight pads that are supposed to last 12 hours. I tried calling my gyno office and they never answered the phone. I called my PCP and a nurse was supposed to call me back but never did.
Is it worth going to an ER? Any time I've gone for cramps/heavy bleeding in the past they gave me IV fluids and OTC pain medication.
I've been out of state for my grandmother's funeral (I'm sure the emotional duress is a contributing factor) and I am supposed to fly home in roughly 24 hours. I'm partially worried going to an ER out of state (Pennsylvania) but I know I would be in much better hands than going at home (Florida).
I just need some advice and comfort. None of my family has ever had anything this severe and they don't understand my concern.