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Top 20 songs 2014-2023 (subjective rankings)
2023.06.04 03:57 Wavy77777 Top 20 songs 2014-2023 (subjective rankings)
Let's make a list for the last 10 Years!
So I wanted to look at the last ten contests to draw out the essence from those shows, or at least what was the most enjoyable moments for me personally. At first I thought it was too big of a task to make one big mega ranking, giving points all over again to songs I've almost forgotten, but then I decided to do this a little methodically, so it became a little more doable. So first thing, I had to listen to all the songs. Or maybe not all songs, that would take weeks, but let's at least do the short version: recaps.
Nominating
My first task was to watch recaps from all shows to remember what songs were worthy and who was not good enough for such a list. I nominated X amount of songs from each year, depending on the quality of the songs. Then I ended up with 94 songs. The spread per year was as follows: 2014: 7 songs, 2015: 14 songs, 2016: 4 songs, 2017: 13 songs, 2018: 7 songs, 2019: 7 songs, 2020: 13 songs, 2021: 8 songs, 2022: 11 songs, 2023: 10 songs. Please note that since there was no contest in 2020 I was less familiar with these songs, so I had a lower threshold for nominating songs from this year. Also the number of songs nominated doesn't necessarily reflect my overall ranking of that contest as a whole.
Giving points
After finding what songs was nominated I watched each and every song (that I had nominated) once again in its entirety, then giving a somewhat honest score of how much I enjoy the song now. I used a 1-20 score, meaning I had more increments than I normally do when I score Eurovision songs on a 1-12 (-9&11) scale. That was to be able to make more distinctions between songs that were close to another, avoiding too many "point lumps". I also tried to avoid influence from how I initially rated the songs when they were released. I was actually quite happy to see that I both rated some songs higher and lower than what I did initially, meaning that my opinion on a song can change over time. I even found myself rating songs from 2023 different than how I rated them just a couple weeks ago. As for versions, I always try to find the best version, whether it's the music video, national final, semi final or grand final version. The lowest I ranked any song in this ranking was 9 points. Any song lower than that would not be able to make the nomination. Again most of the lower ranked songs was from 2020, since that was the year least familiar to me, with the most amount of songs falling outside my quality criteria. The average amount of points was 13,7. The median was actually right between 13 and 14. The spread was as follows: 9 points: 2 entries, 10 points: 4 entries, 11 points: 4 entries, 12 points: 12 entries, 13 points: 24 entries, 14 points: 17 entries, 15 points: 13 entries, 16 points: 9 entries, 17 points: 4 entries, 18 points: 3 entries, 19 points: 1 entry, 20 points: 1 entry
Fine tuning
Since this was about finding a top 20 list I then went back on all the songs I put up around 15-20 points and tried to split hairs between the different songs I had listed that high. This was the most enjoyable part, since the songs up there are so good, but it's also so difficult to distinguish different types of songs when you have a ballad, a medium tempo bop, an industrial techno song and a singer song writer folk song. I did end up with a list I feel good about though, so I will list it below from number 1-20 with a small text to why I like each song. I first make the list, then write a text to each below the list.
The List
Other songs that almost made the list: (Sweden 2022 Cornelia Jakobs-Hold me closer), (Ukraine 2016 Jamala-1944), (Denmark 2018 Rasmussen-Higher Ground),(Moldova 2020 Natalia Gordienko-Prison), (France 2022 Alvan and Ahez-Fulenn),(The Netherlands 2022 S10-De Diepte),(Finland 2023 Käärija-Cha Cha Cha), (Georgia 2023 Iru-Echo),(Latvia 2023 Sudden Lights-Aija),(Norway 2023 Alessandra-Queen of the Kings), (Spain 2023 Blanca Paloma-Eaea), (Ireland 2015 Molly Sterling-Playing with numbers), (Armenia 2017 Artsvik, Fly with me)
About each song
submitted by Wavy77777 to eurovision [link] [comments]
So I wanted to look at the last ten contests to draw out the essence from those shows, or at least what was the most enjoyable moments for me personally. At first I thought it was too big of a task to make one big mega ranking, giving points all over again to songs I've almost forgotten, but then I decided to do this a little methodically, so it became a little more doable. So first thing, I had to listen to all the songs. Or maybe not all songs, that would take weeks, but let's at least do the short version: recaps.
Nominating
My first task was to watch recaps from all shows to remember what songs were worthy and who was not good enough for such a list. I nominated X amount of songs from each year, depending on the quality of the songs. Then I ended up with 94 songs. The spread per year was as follows: 2014: 7 songs, 2015: 14 songs, 2016: 4 songs, 2017: 13 songs, 2018: 7 songs, 2019: 7 songs, 2020: 13 songs, 2021: 8 songs, 2022: 11 songs, 2023: 10 songs. Please note that since there was no contest in 2020 I was less familiar with these songs, so I had a lower threshold for nominating songs from this year. Also the number of songs nominated doesn't necessarily reflect my overall ranking of that contest as a whole.
Giving points
After finding what songs was nominated I watched each and every song (that I had nominated) once again in its entirety, then giving a somewhat honest score of how much I enjoy the song now. I used a 1-20 score, meaning I had more increments than I normally do when I score Eurovision songs on a 1-12 (-9&11) scale. That was to be able to make more distinctions between songs that were close to another, avoiding too many "point lumps". I also tried to avoid influence from how I initially rated the songs when they were released. I was actually quite happy to see that I both rated some songs higher and lower than what I did initially, meaning that my opinion on a song can change over time. I even found myself rating songs from 2023 different than how I rated them just a couple weeks ago. As for versions, I always try to find the best version, whether it's the music video, national final, semi final or grand final version. The lowest I ranked any song in this ranking was 9 points. Any song lower than that would not be able to make the nomination. Again most of the lower ranked songs was from 2020, since that was the year least familiar to me, with the most amount of songs falling outside my quality criteria. The average amount of points was 13,7. The median was actually right between 13 and 14. The spread was as follows: 9 points: 2 entries, 10 points: 4 entries, 11 points: 4 entries, 12 points: 12 entries, 13 points: 24 entries, 14 points: 17 entries, 15 points: 13 entries, 16 points: 9 entries, 17 points: 4 entries, 18 points: 3 entries, 19 points: 1 entry, 20 points: 1 entry
Fine tuning
Since this was about finding a top 20 list I then went back on all the songs I put up around 15-20 points and tried to split hairs between the different songs I had listed that high. This was the most enjoyable part, since the songs up there are so good, but it's also so difficult to distinguish different types of songs when you have a ballad, a medium tempo bop, an industrial techno song and a singer song writer folk song. I did end up with a list I feel good about though, so I will list it below from number 1-20 with a small text to why I like each song. I first make the list, then write a text to each below the list.
The List
- Belgium 2017, Blanche - City Lights, 20 points
- Estonia 2015, Elina Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday, 19 points
- Azerbaijan 2021, Efendi - Mata Hari, 18 points
- Slovenia 2015, Maraaya - Here for You, 18 points
- Serbia 2022, Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano, 18 points
- Sweden 2014, Sanna Nielsen - Undo. 17 points
- Iceland 2019, Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra , 17 points
- Azerbaijan 2017, Dihaj - Skeletons, 17 points
- Montenegro 2015, Knez - Adio, 17 points
- Czechia 2023, Vesna - My Sister's Crown, 16 points
- Italy 2015, Il Volo - Grande Amore, 16 points
- Norway 2019, Keiino - Spirit in the Sky 16 points
- Estonia 2017, Koit Toome and Laura - Verona, 16 points
- Bulgaria 2016, Poli Genova - If Love was a Crime, 16 points
- Portugal 2017, Salvador Sobral - Amor pelos dois, 16 points
- Cyprus 2022, Andromache - Ela, 16 points
- Ukraine 2021, Go_A - Shum, 16 points
- Georgia 2015, Nina Sublatti - Warrior, 15 points
- Austria 2016, Zoë - Loin d'Ici, 15 points
- Spain 2015, Edurne - Amanecer, 15 points
Other songs that almost made the list: (Sweden 2022 Cornelia Jakobs-Hold me closer), (Ukraine 2016 Jamala-1944), (Denmark 2018 Rasmussen-Higher Ground),(Moldova 2020 Natalia Gordienko-Prison), (France 2022 Alvan and Ahez-Fulenn),(The Netherlands 2022 S10-De Diepte),(Finland 2023 Käärija-Cha Cha Cha), (Georgia 2023 Iru-Echo),(Latvia 2023 Sudden Lights-Aija),(Norway 2023 Alessandra-Queen of the Kings), (Spain 2023 Blanca Paloma-Eaea), (Ireland 2015 Molly Sterling-Playing with numbers), (Armenia 2017 Artsvik, Fly with me)
About each song
- Blanche-City Lights. It was actually quite easy for me to put this on top, and it was the song I was the most sure about. I consider this song pure pop magic. Blanche's dark toned down vocals to the dark minor chords and the effective beat in a sort minimalist electro production is so effective on so many levels I don't know where to begin. I have listened to some of the other songs she has released after Eurovision, and she is a really gifted musician.
- Elina Born and Stig Rästa-Goodbye to Yesterday. This almost cinematic singer songwriter tune with it's relatively trad arrangement reminds me of Lee and Nancy (Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra) who made some pretty cool albums back in the 6os and 70s. It almost has this road movie feel to it and is an ubercool feel and very melodic verse. Stig's toned down voice and Elina's emotional performance made it an instant hit. If you want to see where Elina got her idea from her Grand finale costume, take a look at Tura Satana from Russ Meyer's Faster Pussycat Kill Kill.
- Efendi-Mata Hari. Actually everything about this song screams The Netherlands. It's song written by Dutch people about a Dutch spy performed in the Netherlands, it even charted in the Netehrlands. I wouldn't be surprised if Efendi actually has a Dutch grandfather or mother...;) Jokes aside, this oriental-ish bop is about as catchy and fiery and visually seductive as they come. There's no shortage of spice and sauce on this quality song or it's visual presentation. I still get thrown back in my chair everything I hear the "MATA HARI" opening.
- Maraaya-Here for You. The opening suggests some sort of jazz ballad with Marjetka's vocal fry "When you're down down low..."over the minimalist piano intro. But then comes the drums and the key changes and the vocal sound and style changes just like that to a darker, more energetic melody before we get a more orchestrated version of the intro now as a chorus. The el violin, piano licks highlights this great song along with Marjetka's great voice. The bridge is not too bad either. There's actually a lot going on here so it's kind of hard to analyse, but the result is great. And you just gotta love Marjetka's head phone coupled with the wind machine with her ginger hair blowing in the wind.
- Konstrakta-In Corpore Sano. This must be one of the more curious ESC songs of all time with it's relatively minimalist melody with Serbian lyrics about health and body fixation with its electronic choir like background vocals but it's the ultimate clap release chorus that makes us go "Biti zdrava" while we frenetically do a robotic golf clap that shows this strange song its appeal. It's just very cool and catchy, and it shows us all a side of ourselves we didn't know we had in us. Pure art, pure performance, pure magic.
- Sanna Nielsen-Undo. A fantastic pop ballad with beautiful minor moods and a dramatic chorus, plus the archetypical modulation towards the end. One of those songs that simply stands the test of time and I can listen to over and over again. Sanna is a very good singer who focuses a lot on schlager type music in her repertoire. I prefer this over many other songs from Sweden. It might have to do with my preference for drama and sadness over joyful and cheery songs. If you look at the heritage of Abba and what made them good songwriters it had a lot to do with their knack for making these bittersweet type songs with both sadness and joyfulness to them. This is a good example of such a song.
- Hatari- Hatrið mun sigra. How about sending an industrial techno song about how society will collapse? Why not? Iceland did it and they got away with it...;) At least almost as they got fined during the voting for showing a Palestinian flag during the voting. So the fine wasn't about the song. The song is very intense with it's hard electronic bassline with Matthias Haraldsson's distorted shouting in the verse, then to Klemens Hannigan's seductive and high, melodic singing in the chorus, making the contrast between the two singing styles extremely enjoyable and almost refined. The synth licks complementing the singing is also very well arranged. A true classic. Oh and I didn't even mention the visuals with the red blinking lights, the fire, the BDSM outfits that makes it look like some kind of alternative from East Berlin 1982.
- Dihaj-Skeletons. 80s electro style pop tune with jet like bass synths backing an angelic voice and baroque like synth licks that comes in at the pre chorus part before it explodes into an energetic chorus. Very cool. Dihaj is also a very good singer with a good range. I never quite understood the staging at the contest though. I expected something completely different.
- Knez-Adio. For me this is the quintessential Balkan ballad. The string arrangements, the soothing rhythm, the harmonic background vocals and the strong melody just blend together so well, and gives you images of mountains, rivers, waterfalls and works well into this mid tempo ballad with pretty minor chords and a pretty, sentimental delivery from Knez, who I think is one of the stronger vocalists the contest have seen.
- Vesna-My Sister's Crown. So onto this year's only entry on this list. As much as I liked a lot of the songs from 2023, a lot of them ended around the 30th spot in this list. Vesna was my lone candidate actually ending up on the list. To me they were always this year's number one, with their anthem about sisterhood, whether it was about slavic sisterhood or not is not so important to me. It was the song itself that got to me. It probably hit at the right time since I've become very interested in Czech history, culture and language the last years as well. As someone who is into harmonic music with folk elements this really hit the spot for me. I was so happy to see their final performance with their long braids and pink jumpsuits, plus very good choreography. The dancing at the end of the song really got to me, and I still have to focus really hard not to get emotional everytime I see that part. Dobra prace, holky!
- Il Volo-Grande Amore. Is it possible to get more Italian than this? And I mean it as a compliment. With great drama, big time forte this operapop schlager with grand voices hit big time in 2015 and won the popular votes of the contest. Some wondered if it would be too kitchy to send something so rooted in an ancient music style from the 17th century to a modern song contest that focuses greatly on visuals. The answer was an absolute no. I must admit that this was not among my favourites initially in 2015, but it slowly grew on me and now I really love it. The arrangement here is also interesting with a relativley monotonous bassline topped with the grand string arrangements that leads us to the crescendo.
- Keiino-Spirit in the Sky. My own country's only entry for this list. Combing EDM and joik actually works, and it's mindblowing how catchy this song gets when all the voices come together in the chorus. The melody in the chorus is slightly similar to Saara Alto's Monsters from 2018, but the song itself is very different. The Sami culture is quite exotic and far away even for us Norwegians, and even though the song is not a Sami song per se, all the elements of joik, Northern lights and shaman symbolism sends us into this mystical journey into the far north of ice, snow and winter darkness.
- Koit Toome and Laura-Verona. This pop love drama that uses Romeo and Juliet's city as it's background, was absolutely robbed of a place in the grand final when televotes gave it a 6th place in the second semi final while the juries only gave it 16 points, ending up 17th on the jury ranking, ultimately ending up only 14th on the combined list. As you can see, I have it higher on my Song of the decade-list than juries had it in that semi final. I also remember how bad the sound was, microphones not working, maybe even monitors not working when they were to perform in the semi final. For the best version of this song, watch the music video. The video of the semi final performance only makes me angry. Now, about the song itself, it's super catchy, almost anthemic in it's "o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, we lost and we found our Verona" chorus. A great pop composition that has really stood the test of time.
- Poli Genova-If Love was a crime. Another song that I didn't love at first, but that has really grown on me over time. A quite dance friendly pop tune with almost soul like elements in the chorus, with it's unison singing and that trademark dance that come along with the performance. The song starts with a piano backing track, drums and that flute like synth that plays some infectious riff that sounds like a bird whistle or something. The true genius of this song is the pre chorus when she sings the title of the song. That part has some fantastic harmony arrangements and a great melody. It also took me a while to understand that the chorus was sung in Bulgarian. I never really understood why she sang "All I'm in Luther, I'm in Luther"...;)
- Salvador Sobral-Amor pelos dois. The only winner song on this list. When I made this list I didn't actually believe that this song would make it onto the top 20, but here it is! Some look at this as a sentimental journey back to old style Eurovision with no electronic music, no dancers, no smoke machines, basically nothing fancy going on whatsoever, and to some people, maybe even boring. I just look at this as a very pretty song about love that is sung in the prettiest and most heartfelt way possible. At the time of the final Salvador Sobral was due to a heart transplant caused by a weak heart, so at the time of the performance there where doubts about how long he could survive. Fortunately this looks like it has succeeded, and the performances I've seen of him since he looks a lot more healthy than he did in 2017. Thank god.
- Andromache-Ela. My second NQ on the list. It's claimed that the reason she didn't go the final was due to a bad vocal performance in the semi final, but it was the juries that really put her down with only giving her 9 points, and juries don't go off the televised performance do they? Or was it only in the grand finale that there's an extra jury performance? Anyhow, this beautiful Greek-balkan style pop song really deserved a lot more than it got from the juries and should have been in the grand finale. Pretty and delicate strings opens up before a pop track emerges with Andromache's pretty voice singing a heavenly melody and the super catchy chorus sends us straight to the Greek gods of lush voices and soft femininity. Nice use of echo and reverberation in this track.
- Go_A-Shum. Ukrainian techno folk sang entirely in Ukrainian is just one of these things I never imagined myself that I would enjoy, and going into then final I considered this song more of a curiosity than a song that I would thoroughly enjoy, but I was wrong. Folk music always takes a bit of a different ear to enjoy than "normal pop". The style of singing and the rhythm has a monotonous, almost chanting feel to it, and can sound off to many western ears. Yet this song really hit a nerve with me eventually. I just love what Ukraine has done to Eurovision, and I hope they keep sending great songs like this.
- Nina Sublatti-Warrior. A very powerful song with great attitude. A bumblebee like synth opens up before we have tribal drums and Nina singing about fighting and something about "oximated". It doesn't matter cause I believe everything she sings anyway. The chorus comes in hard and powerful with Nina singing her heart out and again those big drums. A pretty straight forward angry war-pop song, but very haunting and no-nonsense. My ESC universe is better with songs like these. Arguably the best song from Sakartvelo we've had, even though Iru challenged her pretty good this year.
- Zoë-Loin d'Ici. How many entries has there been that is sung in a language that is not a national language that is not English? I have watched the movie The Piano Teacher which is an Austrian movie where the dialogue is in French, but I've never had the impression that Austria had this thing about the french langauge or what? Nevermind, Zoë's tune Loin d'Ici is a dreamy, heavenly pop song with an amazing melody and stellar rhythm arrangement. I recognise her vocal style more as French than Austrian, but that could be the language. Anyway I'm not complaining, cause I'm a big fan of french vocals in the first place. This would fit in a movie I think with it's rich colourful style it could paint a faraway country in your dreams in a very nice way.
- Edurne-Amanecer. The sixth entry from 2015, so I guess that year wins it for me. And even though this song sounds very Spanish to me it's actually composed by Swedish composers. It has an ethnic style with a big dramatic chorus and a melody in minor chords. This is the same year Grande Amore from Italy and even though the songs are quite different I do also see similarities with the big crescendo like chorus and the songs being sung in each country's national language. It didn't perform very well in the final with only 15 points, of which 8 came from neighbours France and Portugal. Big countries also have neighbours! However in my opinion this is the best Spanish entry the last 10 years, even though I both nominated 2022 and 2023 also, so it's safe to say that things are moving in the right direction.
2023.06.04 03:33 ImRatherMinty My dissection of the CS 2 leak
submitted by ImRatherMinty to CitiesSkylines [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 03:13 zendali78 45 [M4R] #Ohio - artist/teacher/geek looking for someone to get to know, see what grows 🌱🍃
Hi!
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
submitted by zendali78 to R4R40Plus [link] [comments]
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
2023.06.04 03:11 zendali78 45 [M4R] #Ohio - artist/teacher/geek looking for connection, hoping for spark ⚡️✨
Hi!
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
submitted by zendali78 to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
2023.06.04 03:08 zendali78 45 [M4R] #Ohio - artist/teacher/geek looking for connection, open to more
Hi!
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
submitted by zendali78 to r4r [link] [comments]
I'm a 45 year old bi artist and teacher… ideally looking for something w long term potential. I'm a reading teacher, urban surrealist painter and a geek: love art, books, music, movies/pop culture (Star Wars, Marvel, Disney, Dune). Most of my art deals with graffiti and ancient artifacts/ mythology. I love learning new things. More into cuddles and movies at home, bonfires and music… or fun dates (going to parks, festivals, museums… going on road trips to explore new places) vs a loud bar or party. I'm not a sportsball person at all
I am hoping for an in-person/ IRL relationship at some point, so being within some hours of central Ohio helps a lot. However, connection and spark are more important than geography, if you're willing to work together on logistics. That being said, I have *no interest * in an online-only situation. I want to spend time together, go on dates, hold hands in the park, cuddle and watch movies, etc. I love deep conversations (sapiosexual for sure) and enjoy sending text (and/or) voice messages on/off through the day.
There are photos of me in my profile because physical attraction matters. I’d like to see one of you sooner than later.
Communication, consistency and mental health awareness are musts.
Tell me a little about yourself when you send a chat please. Not gonna ask you to say “purple” so I know you actually read the profile or anything 😉
2023.06.04 02:38 x_ravenwave_x I feel guilty because there is a chance I left my dog with an unfit sitter and it changed his behavior
My dog Brick is my soulmate im pretty sure. Hes a Lab Husky Mix I adopted as a puppy 2 years ago while my husband was stationed overseas to help me cope with the loneliness and he hasn't left my side since outside of road trips where is wasn't feasible to take him. He sleeps with me, stays at my feet when I eat, and is all around a really great dog. Loves people and is super gentle with small animals and kids. He was technically the first one to find out I was pregnant. (He was right outside the bathroom when I took the test and I had a mild freak out so he forced his way in and let me hold him.) And has been super duper gentle with me the whole time.
The problems started when my husband and I took a trip home for the holidays. We were gone for about 3 weeks, and usually when we take long trips like that we have a trusted friend stay in our house to pet sit. Brick has never had any issues prior to this trip. Usually our friends who stay with him love having him around so much and enjoy not having to stay in the barracks that they dont even ask for payment and will come take him on walks even after we return. Hes like a mascot at this point.
Before we left everything appeared to be fine. We did what we usually do, invite our sitter over a few times for dinner leading up to our trip to show him where all of the pet stuff is and help Brick get used to this new person and make sure they seem to get along if its their first time, like it was this guys. He works with my husband and I had met him plenty of times before and he seemed to be a good fit with our animals. We go on our trip, he gives us updates every few days, and this is where I notice behavior changes before we even got back.
Our sitter texted my husband that Brick had Dug out of the back yard and escaped, running around the neighborhood away from him until a neighbor managed to grab him by the collar and catch him. Brick has never, and I mean never, escaped a yard before. Hes never even dug or tried to get out , and Hes very good at recall. Not a single time has he run from me unless we were playing and if I called him back to me he always came and he does the same for most everyone. I figured He didnt know this sitter and chalked it up to him thinking they were playing, even though I knew he had never ever done that with any other person hes stayed with before.
When we got back My house was Destroyed. Partially from Brick chewing and tearing apart the living room, but also the housesitter being disgusting. There were beer cans and trash everywhere, He had been sleeping on the couch even though we had a guest room and when I cleared the blankets from the couch to try and get my house back in order I found Vomit, whether it was from Brick or the house sitter Im not sure but it was obvious it had been there awhile. The toilets had Urine in them like he hadnt been flushing them after he peed and for whatever reason he had moved the coffee table right up against the couch and had been using it like a bedside table even though we had couch side tables? I knew the guy was a little messy but holy crap you know? I was raised to respect peoples spaces and leave them cleaner than they were when I got there. I even strip the linens from beds when I stay in hotels to make it easier on housekeepers, so I was absolutely appalled at how dirty my house was. My husband and i went up to our guest room to strip the sheets, and when we walked in we were blasted with an overwhelming stale urine smell. When I turned to light on, My white Bed skirt was Soaked in dog pee. It was so bad the only foreseeable way I can see that happening is if he locked Brick in that room for hours at a time, possibly even days without letting him out. My carpets are permanently stained because of it. But honestly Im not mad about the mess at this point, im worried about my dog.
What I cant let slide is what Im worried he did to my dog. Ever since weve gotten back Brick has been a nervous wreck and insanely depressed. He tears the house apart if we leave for too long, pees all over the floors and poops on the carpet (Only when we aren't home, if were home he will come get us like he usually does, but its like all his housetraining goes out the window if were gone for more than 20 minutes) But the most concerning thing ive noticed is if he is laying down and something touches him he will jump up and growl like hes been hurt or like hes scared. Hes not injured, we made sure to get him checked out because I was worried maybe he had broken a bone or maybe sprained something but he has a clean bill of health. in the past few weeks hes been playing with my husband again and being energetic, but for a really long time it seemed like he just slept the whole day and night away and only got up and around if we were feeding him or taking him on walks. Another weird detail I noticed is that the extra bag of Dog food hadn't been opened while we were gone, and based on how much was still in the other one when we left it definitely should've been at least open and partially used. He didn't seem like he had lost a ton of weight, and I know that I had told the sitter that sometimes we cook the pets portions or meals when we have dinner and breakfast (all pet safe versions, like pancake mix thats specifically for dogs or unseasoned steak) So I thought maybe he had been cooking for Brick mostly instead of using the dog food, or possibly had bought a new bag while we were gone. His eating habits haven changed so I dont think he was starving him, but the food bag feels like an important detail for some reason.
It didn't cross my mind that maybe the sitter had done something to him (I can be a bit too trusting sometimes, seeing the best in people when I really shouldn't. Its a problem) until he came over for dinner one night with another one of my husbands friends. With the friend he had never met Brick was his usual sociable self. Playing with him and letting him rub his belly and just having a grand old time. But when the Sitter came in? Brick Hid behind me and wouldn't move away until he left. I even reached down to pet him and could feel him trembling like he was scared. I had never seen him do that before and It broke my heart to see. The sitter made a comment along the lines of "You know me, why are you hiding buddy?" and it clicked for me. He had only been acting like this since our trip home, and I had considered maybe he had some separation anxiety because we were gone for so long but even then, we had gone on longer trips without him and always came back to the same pup we had before, and he had never Ever Cowered away from anyone in the 2 years ive had him.
I kept my mouth shut during dinner and kept an eye on my dog, not letting anyone near him and letting him stay at my side while I was cooking when I usually dont let him in the kitchen because I can be clumsy and dont want to spill something on him. But while we were eating Sitter made a comment about how Brick slept at his feet the first few nights and then stopped.
Something about that comment makes me think he had been kicking my dog when he was at his feet, on purpose or not I dont care. I might be jumping to conclusions about that but ever since we got back Brick will jump away from us and yelp like hes been hurt if hes touched even lightly while hes laying down. I almost have to announce that Im about to pet him if hes laying down. Ive spoken with my husband about this, and weve come to the same conclusion that something definitely happened to my dog while we were gone and it has something to do with Sitter.
Ive made it clear hes not to be around our home anymore and Husband agrees, and that from now on we will stick with a sitter who we know loves Brick and who Brick trusts, and I will be asking for more updates from them that include pictures and what they did that day. But for now Im going to be taking him with us and doing road trips instead of flying until I can trust someone with him again. Weve been making strides towards getting him back to where he was. We recently got another puppy for my husband ( He wanted a dog that could bond with him like I was bonded to Brick) and since then weve seen some pretty serious improvements in his mood. They play together and I can tell hes getting his energy back. His eyes dont look as sad and just a few days ago he had the Zoomies in the back yard. He doesn't freak out when we touch him as much, but he still jerks away like hes scared. As far as the housetraining goes, We think its improved but honestly we cant tell the puppy mess apart from his sometimes so who knows on that front.
The amount of guilt I feel is overbearing. I love my dog, hes the one who got me through one of the hardest times in my life with my Husband being gone. Hes like my best friend and the idea that I Put him in a situation where he was mistreated and possibly abused has made me burst into tears. I dont understand how anyone could look at this kind hearted and sweet dog and be cruel to him in any capacity, hes such a fun and loving goofball. I feel like such a failure of a pet parent.
submitted by x_ravenwave_x to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
The problems started when my husband and I took a trip home for the holidays. We were gone for about 3 weeks, and usually when we take long trips like that we have a trusted friend stay in our house to pet sit. Brick has never had any issues prior to this trip. Usually our friends who stay with him love having him around so much and enjoy not having to stay in the barracks that they dont even ask for payment and will come take him on walks even after we return. Hes like a mascot at this point.
Before we left everything appeared to be fine. We did what we usually do, invite our sitter over a few times for dinner leading up to our trip to show him where all of the pet stuff is and help Brick get used to this new person and make sure they seem to get along if its their first time, like it was this guys. He works with my husband and I had met him plenty of times before and he seemed to be a good fit with our animals. We go on our trip, he gives us updates every few days, and this is where I notice behavior changes before we even got back.
Our sitter texted my husband that Brick had Dug out of the back yard and escaped, running around the neighborhood away from him until a neighbor managed to grab him by the collar and catch him. Brick has never, and I mean never, escaped a yard before. Hes never even dug or tried to get out , and Hes very good at recall. Not a single time has he run from me unless we were playing and if I called him back to me he always came and he does the same for most everyone. I figured He didnt know this sitter and chalked it up to him thinking they were playing, even though I knew he had never ever done that with any other person hes stayed with before.
When we got back My house was Destroyed. Partially from Brick chewing and tearing apart the living room, but also the housesitter being disgusting. There were beer cans and trash everywhere, He had been sleeping on the couch even though we had a guest room and when I cleared the blankets from the couch to try and get my house back in order I found Vomit, whether it was from Brick or the house sitter Im not sure but it was obvious it had been there awhile. The toilets had Urine in them like he hadnt been flushing them after he peed and for whatever reason he had moved the coffee table right up against the couch and had been using it like a bedside table even though we had couch side tables? I knew the guy was a little messy but holy crap you know? I was raised to respect peoples spaces and leave them cleaner than they were when I got there. I even strip the linens from beds when I stay in hotels to make it easier on housekeepers, so I was absolutely appalled at how dirty my house was. My husband and i went up to our guest room to strip the sheets, and when we walked in we were blasted with an overwhelming stale urine smell. When I turned to light on, My white Bed skirt was Soaked in dog pee. It was so bad the only foreseeable way I can see that happening is if he locked Brick in that room for hours at a time, possibly even days without letting him out. My carpets are permanently stained because of it. But honestly Im not mad about the mess at this point, im worried about my dog.
What I cant let slide is what Im worried he did to my dog. Ever since weve gotten back Brick has been a nervous wreck and insanely depressed. He tears the house apart if we leave for too long, pees all over the floors and poops on the carpet (Only when we aren't home, if were home he will come get us like he usually does, but its like all his housetraining goes out the window if were gone for more than 20 minutes) But the most concerning thing ive noticed is if he is laying down and something touches him he will jump up and growl like hes been hurt or like hes scared. Hes not injured, we made sure to get him checked out because I was worried maybe he had broken a bone or maybe sprained something but he has a clean bill of health. in the past few weeks hes been playing with my husband again and being energetic, but for a really long time it seemed like he just slept the whole day and night away and only got up and around if we were feeding him or taking him on walks. Another weird detail I noticed is that the extra bag of Dog food hadn't been opened while we were gone, and based on how much was still in the other one when we left it definitely should've been at least open and partially used. He didn't seem like he had lost a ton of weight, and I know that I had told the sitter that sometimes we cook the pets portions or meals when we have dinner and breakfast (all pet safe versions, like pancake mix thats specifically for dogs or unseasoned steak) So I thought maybe he had been cooking for Brick mostly instead of using the dog food, or possibly had bought a new bag while we were gone. His eating habits haven changed so I dont think he was starving him, but the food bag feels like an important detail for some reason.
It didn't cross my mind that maybe the sitter had done something to him (I can be a bit too trusting sometimes, seeing the best in people when I really shouldn't. Its a problem) until he came over for dinner one night with another one of my husbands friends. With the friend he had never met Brick was his usual sociable self. Playing with him and letting him rub his belly and just having a grand old time. But when the Sitter came in? Brick Hid behind me and wouldn't move away until he left. I even reached down to pet him and could feel him trembling like he was scared. I had never seen him do that before and It broke my heart to see. The sitter made a comment along the lines of "You know me, why are you hiding buddy?" and it clicked for me. He had only been acting like this since our trip home, and I had considered maybe he had some separation anxiety because we were gone for so long but even then, we had gone on longer trips without him and always came back to the same pup we had before, and he had never Ever Cowered away from anyone in the 2 years ive had him.
I kept my mouth shut during dinner and kept an eye on my dog, not letting anyone near him and letting him stay at my side while I was cooking when I usually dont let him in the kitchen because I can be clumsy and dont want to spill something on him. But while we were eating Sitter made a comment about how Brick slept at his feet the first few nights and then stopped.
Something about that comment makes me think he had been kicking my dog when he was at his feet, on purpose or not I dont care. I might be jumping to conclusions about that but ever since we got back Brick will jump away from us and yelp like hes been hurt if hes touched even lightly while hes laying down. I almost have to announce that Im about to pet him if hes laying down. Ive spoken with my husband about this, and weve come to the same conclusion that something definitely happened to my dog while we were gone and it has something to do with Sitter.
Ive made it clear hes not to be around our home anymore and Husband agrees, and that from now on we will stick with a sitter who we know loves Brick and who Brick trusts, and I will be asking for more updates from them that include pictures and what they did that day. But for now Im going to be taking him with us and doing road trips instead of flying until I can trust someone with him again. Weve been making strides towards getting him back to where he was. We recently got another puppy for my husband ( He wanted a dog that could bond with him like I was bonded to Brick) and since then weve seen some pretty serious improvements in his mood. They play together and I can tell hes getting his energy back. His eyes dont look as sad and just a few days ago he had the Zoomies in the back yard. He doesn't freak out when we touch him as much, but he still jerks away like hes scared. As far as the housetraining goes, We think its improved but honestly we cant tell the puppy mess apart from his sometimes so who knows on that front.
The amount of guilt I feel is overbearing. I love my dog, hes the one who got me through one of the hardest times in my life with my Husband being gone. Hes like my best friend and the idea that I Put him in a situation where he was mistreated and possibly abused has made me burst into tears. I dont understand how anyone could look at this kind hearted and sweet dog and be cruel to him in any capacity, hes such a fun and loving goofball. I feel like such a failure of a pet parent.
2023.06.04 02:30 Elderly_Gryffindor I (27F) want to move out, my mom (58F) doesn’t want me to (yet) and I don’t know what to do?
TLDR: my mom is going through a hard time with a family member’s illness, I have been planning to move out, she wants me to stay home for another 2+ months, but my current relationship with her makes me feel suffocated and is draining on my personal mental health, making me feel like I have nothing left to give her. How do I decide what next steps to take?
Hi all, so I’m in a bit of a tough spot here and I don’t really know how to approach this, and I need advice on what to do, or maybe just a slap across the face. I’ll try to be unbiased as I get into it.
I (27F) currently live at home with my mom (58F). I have been thinking about moving out for 2 years, and finally voiced it more seriously about a month ago after breaking up with my ex and deciding I need a fresh start. For some background on my end, living with her takes a toll on my mental health. She’s a great mom and a very kind person, but she can be extremely negative and spiteful. For example, whenever we talk, I feel like all she does is complain. About me, about the neighbors, about her job, about her coworkers, about the state of the neighborhood, about traffic, road rages, cusses at me, cusses in general about the things around us, etc. It has gotten to the point where she even points out something that she thinks someone else is going to complain about, or about something someone is going to do (before they do it) which in my opinion is just her preemptively complaining when there might not even be an issue! It’s dug into my psyche so much that any time we get in the car or go in public it’s like I mentally shut down to protect myself. I’ve talked to a therapist about it, and I know to just ignore it, put up a mental wall to not let it affect me, etc. but it’s tough, and it definitely doesn’t work super well. It leaves me feeling stressed, angry, and resentful, and I find myself subconsciously noticing things to complain about way more than usual, and way more than when I’m not around her 24/7. I’m normally pretty outgoing and bubbly, and I don’t feel that way at home, and have felt this way for the last few years.
So, it seems like an obvious choice, move out about 15 minutes away, save the relationship, do weekly mommy-daughter dates, everyone is happy. But here’s where the tricky part comes in, and where I feel conflicted about being selfish.
My mom is from a foreign country. She moved here before I was born, but doesn’t have any family here, she isn’t married or dating anyone, and while I know she’s lonely, she also is comfortable alone (I think even prefers it) and pushes people away or finds issues with them to fixate on to make her think she’s happier alone, which I don’t always believe, but I don’t know how to really address that. This includes a close group of friends, an ex, and her coworkers. And no, she won’t go see a therapist.
Now, to make matters worse, and where I’m really questioning my decision to move out, she recently found out that her sibling is sick, and the prognosis isn’t good, likely death, but we don’t know when or anything yet. The sibling is in their home country, my mom is obviously devastated, she’s contemplating going back home to visit, and now she’s upset with me for continuing to look for an apartment and wants me to wait until the end of July or August to move. She wants me in the house to be supportive and be here for her. Which I understand, completely. But the idea of staying at home makes me feel so suffocated, and I don’t know if I should suck it up or do what’s best for me.
So, redditors, what do I do? Do I wait 2-3 months to move out? Do I move out and offer emotional support as much as possible with some breathing room? I know it seems selfish from the outside, and I know she doesn’t know exactly why I want this move, but I’ve tried to broach how I feel before and she takes it so personally and lashes out and tells me that I’m a bad person, I’m the one that’s selfish/rude/entitled, etc. so I don’t feel like I can make her understand where I’m coming from without it feeling like I’m attacking her, which isn’t something I want to do obviously... so I’m stuck. Please tell me how to fix this relationship, and thanks for reading my life story…
submitted by Elderly_Gryffindor to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Hi all, so I’m in a bit of a tough spot here and I don’t really know how to approach this, and I need advice on what to do, or maybe just a slap across the face. I’ll try to be unbiased as I get into it.
I (27F) currently live at home with my mom (58F). I have been thinking about moving out for 2 years, and finally voiced it more seriously about a month ago after breaking up with my ex and deciding I need a fresh start. For some background on my end, living with her takes a toll on my mental health. She’s a great mom and a very kind person, but she can be extremely negative and spiteful. For example, whenever we talk, I feel like all she does is complain. About me, about the neighbors, about her job, about her coworkers, about the state of the neighborhood, about traffic, road rages, cusses at me, cusses in general about the things around us, etc. It has gotten to the point where she even points out something that she thinks someone else is going to complain about, or about something someone is going to do (before they do it) which in my opinion is just her preemptively complaining when there might not even be an issue! It’s dug into my psyche so much that any time we get in the car or go in public it’s like I mentally shut down to protect myself. I’ve talked to a therapist about it, and I know to just ignore it, put up a mental wall to not let it affect me, etc. but it’s tough, and it definitely doesn’t work super well. It leaves me feeling stressed, angry, and resentful, and I find myself subconsciously noticing things to complain about way more than usual, and way more than when I’m not around her 24/7. I’m normally pretty outgoing and bubbly, and I don’t feel that way at home, and have felt this way for the last few years.
So, it seems like an obvious choice, move out about 15 minutes away, save the relationship, do weekly mommy-daughter dates, everyone is happy. But here’s where the tricky part comes in, and where I feel conflicted about being selfish.
My mom is from a foreign country. She moved here before I was born, but doesn’t have any family here, she isn’t married or dating anyone, and while I know she’s lonely, she also is comfortable alone (I think even prefers it) and pushes people away or finds issues with them to fixate on to make her think she’s happier alone, which I don’t always believe, but I don’t know how to really address that. This includes a close group of friends, an ex, and her coworkers. And no, she won’t go see a therapist.
Now, to make matters worse, and where I’m really questioning my decision to move out, she recently found out that her sibling is sick, and the prognosis isn’t good, likely death, but we don’t know when or anything yet. The sibling is in their home country, my mom is obviously devastated, she’s contemplating going back home to visit, and now she’s upset with me for continuing to look for an apartment and wants me to wait until the end of July or August to move. She wants me in the house to be supportive and be here for her. Which I understand, completely. But the idea of staying at home makes me feel so suffocated, and I don’t know if I should suck it up or do what’s best for me.
So, redditors, what do I do? Do I wait 2-3 months to move out? Do I move out and offer emotional support as much as possible with some breathing room? I know it seems selfish from the outside, and I know she doesn’t know exactly why I want this move, but I’ve tried to broach how I feel before and she takes it so personally and lashes out and tells me that I’m a bad person, I’m the one that’s selfish/rude/entitled, etc. so I don’t feel like I can make her understand where I’m coming from without it feeling like I’m attacking her, which isn’t something I want to do obviously... so I’m stuck. Please tell me how to fix this relationship, and thanks for reading my life story…
2023.06.04 02:29 clockwhisperer Road Closure, Bike for Brain Health, Sunday, June 4, 2023
submitted by clockwhisperer to toronto [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 02:24 0111100001110110 Should we consider rebranding?
 | submitted by 0111100001110110 to ChurchOfCOVID [link] [comments] |
2023.06.04 02:18 idkehyimhereyuh Losing weight after ED recovery
I am trying to begin losing weight, but am not sure how to approach doing such as someone who has had an eating disorder (bulimia) in the past. I am currently at 249.3lbs and 5'6, 17 female and it is affecting my physical health, so I want to start losing but I am not sure how to do that without relapsing. It's been a long road to recovery and I don't want to start thinking how I used to, but I want to live healthier and be more comfortable in my skin again. Any ideas on how to healthily get through this? Any similar success stories?
submitted by idkehyimhereyuh to loseit [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 01:36 100beep Fic exchange sign-ups!
u/100beep (that's me), u/Seraf-Wang, u/sadsoymilk, u/West_Gape6631, u/synxical, u/reallycrow, u/RebeccaDarking, u/UkeKyle, u/In_Dreams_Begin are our participants.
In no particular order, here are the original requests. If you see one that hasn't already been claimed, DM me and I'll put you on the list for it. In this stage, if you wish to claim one, following any further requests is mandatory, and following do-not-wants (DNW) is always mandatory.
I did a bit of cleanup on some of the requests to make them easier to read. If you feel that I misrepresented you, please DM me and clear things up.
If you do not claim one during this phase, one will be assigned to you, along with that person's backups - at which point you no longer need to follow their specific requests but still need to follow their DNWs.
This phase ends in three days, on June 6, 11:59 UTC.
submitted by 100beep to GenshinGays [link] [comments]
In no particular order, here are the original requests. If you see one that hasn't already been claimed, DM me and I'll put you on the list for it. In this stage, if you wish to claim one, following any further requests is mandatory, and following do-not-wants (DNW) is always mandatory.
I did a bit of cleanup on some of the requests to make them easier to read. If you feel that I misrepresented you, please DM me and clear things up.
If you do not claim one during this phase, one will be assigned to you, along with that person's backups - at which point you no longer need to follow their specific requests but still need to follow their DNWs.
This phase ends in three days, on June 6, 11:59 UTC.
| u/sadsoymilk | DNW: Itto, Gorou, Bennett, Mika, Baizhu, modern!AU, crackfic |
|---|---|
| Childe/Xiao | Canon compliant |
| Kaeya/Dainsleif | None |
| Albedo/Xingqiu | |
| Kaveh/Kaeya | |
| AetheKaeya | |
| u/UkeKyle | DNW: Kazuha/Heizou, Ayato/Thoma, Itto/Gorou |
|---|---|
| Itto/Scaramouche | Fluff and love |
| Alhaitham/Cyno/Kaveh/Tighnari | Dom/sub with dom Alhaitham |
| Azhdaha/Childe/Zhongli | Angst with a happy ending |
| Bennett/Xiao | Protection from a distance, establishing relationship |
| Kaveh/Tighnari | Accidental mpreg Kaveh |
| u/synxical | DNW: Bennett/any, Razoany |
|---|---|
| Kaeya/Zhongli | |
| Kaeya/Venti | |
| Alhaitham/Cyno | |
| Gorou/Kazuha | |
| Ayato/Kaeya | |
| Kaveh/Tighnari | |
| Ayato/Kaeya/Thoma |
| u/100beep | DNW: Rape/noncon, ABO |
|---|---|
| Bennett/Xiao | Smut, first time together |
| Bennett/Childe | Adventurer!Childe, first meeting |
| Alhaitham/Cyno/Kaveh/Tighnari | Smut, dom!Kaveh taking control from another dom |
| Childe/Diluc/Zhongli | Childe and Diluc get in a confrontation, Zhongli plays peacemaker |
| Childe/Kaeya | Harbinger!Kaeya, some confrontation with Diluc during his time as the Delusion Theif |
| u/In_Dreams_Begin | DNW: Smut, especially ABO, major character death |
|---|---|
| Ayato/Diluc | Something from both of their pasts, from Diluc's feral revenge years. Either that or a classic masquerade ball liaison. In any case, bring on the spy/ninja/cloak and dagger stuff. All romance tropes accepted. |
| Diluc/Kaveh | Either a "help I'm in love with my client" situation or pre-canon Kaveh picks up a wounded Diluc from the side of the road and nurses him back to health. |
| Childe/Thoma | Now, hear me out: Thoma has a passive skill about fishing. Childe loves fishing AND is very competitive. Do you see where I'm going? |
| Childe/Xiao | This one can't help but have some fighting in it. Maybe hurt/comfort? |
| Albedo/Kaveh | When Kaveh gets commissioned to do some illustration work for Yae Publishing, the editor has 01 meeting with him before he decides to put him in contact with Calx, so that maybe he can give that prima donna some "pointers." Kaveh is not happy with that, but he can't help being fascinated with the mysterious artist and his logical without being unemotional tone. |
| Baizhu/Xiao | I think hurt/comfort goes well here. Unrequited love is perfectly fine. |
| Ayato/Kazuha | Not enough fics have been written about the fact that these two know each other for a long time, since Kazuha's family was subordinate to Ayato's. Then they grew up and now there's a whole gulf in their statuses. Sweet sweet angst. |
| Diluc/Heizou | I'm putting this here because there are 0 fics for this pairing. Is it a little cracky? You betcha. But if you do write something, I'll make you a little treat (it's fanart. I'll drawn a scene.) |
| u/RebeccaDarking | DNW: Watersports/scat, Kaeya/Diluc as anything but background, ABO, teachestudent, mpreg, OC kids |
|---|---|
| Ayato/Itto | - angst and hurt/comfort are always nice lots of potential with itto being an oni and ayato being human- also big fan of itto being completely oblivious to ayatos advances- or ayaitto already dating and everyone ELSE being oblivious- but anything fine really I'll take any ayaitto crumbs |
| Diluc/Venti | - FLUFF !!!- lots of venti flirting and diluc getting flustered maybe maybe- hear me out venti turning into his archon form during sex - any plot is fine really |
| Capitano/Mika | - no cause hear me out.- I like the hc of capitano actually being like a nice dude when he isn't yknow murdering people but really anything fine- i literally don't have a plot request for this one just go ham |
| Albedo/Cyno | - absolutely SMITTEN cyno and megaflirt albedo- jealous tighnari maybe maybe- I know albedo freaky asl maybe he got an aphrodisiac or two in his lab - lots of puns. obviously |
| Dottore/Pantalone | - literally be as freaky as you want- hardcore smut like these mfs have the most toxic sex possible- I like bottom dottore but like either works- just absolutely toxic sex like go ham |
| u/Seraf-Wang | DNW: Smut |
|---|---|
| Albedo/Scaramouche | Nothing too special. I guess exploring the fact Scaramouche feels abandoned and is jealous of Albedo’s way of lide seeing as he still thinks fond of his creator. That would cool. Or just domestic fluff. Anything works |
| Alhaitham/Cyno/Kaveh/Tighnari | How Alhaitham reacts to everyone and their personal problems. Like how he relates to Tighnari’s dislike of noise, Cyno’s sense of duty, and the opposing side of logic with Kaveh. |
| u/West_Gape6631 | DNW: Bisexuals |
|---|---|
| Venti/Xiao | Xiao top, Venti bottom |
| Gorou/Itto | Itto top, Gorou bottom |
| Ayato/Thoma | Ayato top, Thoma bottom |
| Cyno/Tighnari | Cyno top, Tighnari bottom |
| u/reallycrow | DNW: Chongyun/Bennett, Yae Miko, Kujou Sara |
|---|---|
| Diluc/Venti | Venti can hear prayers to Barbatos — what has he heard? |
| Kaeya/Venti | Is it a cop out if I say that I like them as sort of a regular hookup, or maybe behind especially extra in public because Venti wants to put on a show for Diluc? |
| Itto/Xiao |
2023.06.04 01:18 origutamos DVP and Gardiner will both be closed to traffic on Sunday
Thousands of cyclists will be taking over the Gardiner Expressway and the Don Valley Parkway this weekend, likely creating headaches for drivers in the process.
Parts of the two highways will be shut down to vehicular traffic from 2 a.m. to 4 p.m. to accommodate the Bike for Brain Health.
The Don Valley Parkway will be shuttered from York Mills Road to the Gardiner Expressway while the Gardiner will be closed from South Kingsway to the Don Valley Parkway.
Here is a list of the other major road closures drivers should be aware of:
Front Street West will be closed from Spadina Avenue to Draper Street from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Saturday for a crane hoist.
There will be lane reduction on Bloor Street East at Sherbourne Street between 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. on Saturday for a crane hoist.
The westbound lanes of Pottery Road will be closed from Broadview to Bayview avenues between 8 p.m. on Friday and 8 p.m. on Saturday for bridge rehabilitation work.
St. George Street will be closed from College Street to Harbord Street from 7 p.m. on Friday until 8 p.m. on Saturday for an event at the University of Toronto.
The westbound lanes of Lake Shore Boulevard East will be reduced to one lane between Parliament and Cherry streets from June 5 to June 9 for road restoration related to gas pipeline replacement work
https://www.cp24.com/news/attention-drivers-dvp-and-gardiner-will-both-be-closed-to-traffic-on-sunday-1.6424704
submitted by origutamos to realTO [link] [comments]
Parts of the two highways will be shut down to vehicular traffic from 2 a.m. to 4 p.m. to accommodate the Bike for Brain Health.
The Don Valley Parkway will be shuttered from York Mills Road to the Gardiner Expressway while the Gardiner will be closed from South Kingsway to the Don Valley Parkway.
Here is a list of the other major road closures drivers should be aware of:
Front Street West will be closed from Spadina Avenue to Draper Street from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on Saturday for a crane hoist.
There will be lane reduction on Bloor Street East at Sherbourne Street between 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. on Saturday for a crane hoist.
The westbound lanes of Pottery Road will be closed from Broadview to Bayview avenues between 8 p.m. on Friday and 8 p.m. on Saturday for bridge rehabilitation work.
St. George Street will be closed from College Street to Harbord Street from 7 p.m. on Friday until 8 p.m. on Saturday for an event at the University of Toronto.
The westbound lanes of Lake Shore Boulevard East will be reduced to one lane between Parliament and Cherry streets from June 5 to June 9 for road restoration related to gas pipeline replacement work
https://www.cp24.com/news/attention-drivers-dvp-and-gardiner-will-both-be-closed-to-traffic-on-sunday-1.6424704
2023.06.04 01:01 blackgaletiger "[da2 spoilers]" Final Play Through of Dragon Age 2 Before DAD..
Dragon Age 2 is my favourite of the series because of its narrative and character development. I know a lot of people rip on it because of its lack of exploration and recycled maps but that is something that could be addressed with a remake of the game. If they do decided to remake the game they just need to redesign each quest area to its own unique spectrum instead of reusing maps and closing a few doors.
Although not like origins, DA2 has its own charms. One is the narrative that it is parallel to origins as instead of fighting the darkspwans you are escaping the mess and are now a refugee starting over. You go from rags to riches to being a key player in dealing with the Qunaris and the templar vs mage story. Act 2 has to be the better act as the Arishok was done pretty well. A man on a mission who clearly didnt give a eff. I sort of wished they did a little more the Qunari act and more with Isabela. More consequences like they do in origins where if you turn Isabela in she wasnt going to go down easy and fight you for it. Or if you choose to help Isabela you would still face may challenges even after act 2. If you help her you get a good ally in future games, if you turn her in you have a future ally with the Qunari instead.
Speaking of Isabela she was a companion worth the recruit. The build up in Act 2 lacked and i feel like more could have been done. It didnt feel like the Qun being stole was all that important in this act as it pretty much got overshadowed until the very last moment. In my last play through i didnt romance her and failed to friend her enough for her to stay. Its a disappointment but my own fan wish would be that she would play a major role in DAD because of it. The Qunari are supposed to be a threat in this one and I can see Stan from origins seeking revenge for the fallen Arishok in DA2. Isabela already dealing with the Qun the first time maybe a useful tool in this one. Maybe aiding the new main character as well. Maybe Lillian, Zevran and Isabela could be a threesome team again in the fight against the Qunari. Maybe the choices made in Act 2 to turn Isabela in can help with the Qunari as Sten might see you worthy. not only did you turn in a thief but you bested the Arishok. It could go the other way around and Isabela could help in the fight as repayment to Hawke.
Another character I liked having around but got sick of listening to was Fenris. A strong tank with a lost history was a key man for Carver's replacement. His ideology about mages maybe a opportunity for him to return to Tevinter and 1, starting over or 2, seeking revenge for what he lost. He could also have a part against the Qunari as not only was he there but it was his idea to have a one on one duel. Stan must have been notified of this. Fenris and Isabela can have an arc in this matter as well depending on how the final scene went in Act 2
If the warden's make a return in DAD then having the sibling that became a warden would be a nice return. When doing the Legacy DLC it was only fitting that Carver and I were the only survivors in the fight against Corypheus. it wasnt planed as such. If older Hawke does not make a cameo in the next game then at least the sibling should. Maybe it could be for some quest sent from King Alistar and the Warden. Maybe some quests that are done in This games deep roads.
Which leads me to the last character which is Varric. a great guy and a staple of the franchise and the voice of the people. He was a pain in the ass in combat however as my preferred method was to draw out my enemies and flank them as a team but Varric has the habit of running off and fighting a flank by himself. I didnt put a lot in his health compared to his crit states so you could only imagine what happens next. I dont see varric being a playable character but I can see him narrating a lot of the story.
There are a few characters in DA2 that never really had an end to their story and I feel like that DA2 did a great job developing the start of their characters but DAD would be a nice way to finish their story. I like to see a lot of these characters to return in the next game and if we cant have that I cant wait for a proper remaster if DA2 because the potential is there and so is the time and technology
submitted by blackgaletiger to dragonage [link] [comments]
Although not like origins, DA2 has its own charms. One is the narrative that it is parallel to origins as instead of fighting the darkspwans you are escaping the mess and are now a refugee starting over. You go from rags to riches to being a key player in dealing with the Qunaris and the templar vs mage story. Act 2 has to be the better act as the Arishok was done pretty well. A man on a mission who clearly didnt give a eff. I sort of wished they did a little more the Qunari act and more with Isabela. More consequences like they do in origins where if you turn Isabela in she wasnt going to go down easy and fight you for it. Or if you choose to help Isabela you would still face may challenges even after act 2. If you help her you get a good ally in future games, if you turn her in you have a future ally with the Qunari instead.
Speaking of Isabela she was a companion worth the recruit. The build up in Act 2 lacked and i feel like more could have been done. It didnt feel like the Qun being stole was all that important in this act as it pretty much got overshadowed until the very last moment. In my last play through i didnt romance her and failed to friend her enough for her to stay. Its a disappointment but my own fan wish would be that she would play a major role in DAD because of it. The Qunari are supposed to be a threat in this one and I can see Stan from origins seeking revenge for the fallen Arishok in DA2. Isabela already dealing with the Qun the first time maybe a useful tool in this one. Maybe aiding the new main character as well. Maybe Lillian, Zevran and Isabela could be a threesome team again in the fight against the Qunari. Maybe the choices made in Act 2 to turn Isabela in can help with the Qunari as Sten might see you worthy. not only did you turn in a thief but you bested the Arishok. It could go the other way around and Isabela could help in the fight as repayment to Hawke.
Another character I liked having around but got sick of listening to was Fenris. A strong tank with a lost history was a key man for Carver's replacement. His ideology about mages maybe a opportunity for him to return to Tevinter and 1, starting over or 2, seeking revenge for what he lost. He could also have a part against the Qunari as not only was he there but it was his idea to have a one on one duel. Stan must have been notified of this. Fenris and Isabela can have an arc in this matter as well depending on how the final scene went in Act 2
If the warden's make a return in DAD then having the sibling that became a warden would be a nice return. When doing the Legacy DLC it was only fitting that Carver and I were the only survivors in the fight against Corypheus. it wasnt planed as such. If older Hawke does not make a cameo in the next game then at least the sibling should. Maybe it could be for some quest sent from King Alistar and the Warden. Maybe some quests that are done in This games deep roads.
Which leads me to the last character which is Varric. a great guy and a staple of the franchise and the voice of the people. He was a pain in the ass in combat however as my preferred method was to draw out my enemies and flank them as a team but Varric has the habit of running off and fighting a flank by himself. I didnt put a lot in his health compared to his crit states so you could only imagine what happens next. I dont see varric being a playable character but I can see him narrating a lot of the story.
There are a few characters in DA2 that never really had an end to their story and I feel like that DA2 did a great job developing the start of their characters but DAD would be a nice way to finish their story. I like to see a lot of these characters to return in the next game and if we cant have that I cant wait for a proper remaster if DA2 because the potential is there and so is the time and technology
2023.06.04 00:53 pak_satrio FLYING PHOENIX QIGONG WORKSHOP: 14-hour Immersive Training with Master Terence Dunn, June 23 to 25 at Tao Retreat – Zoomable!
 | From Sifu Terry: submitted by pak_satrio to FlyingPhoenixChiKung [link] [comments] 3-Day Residential Qigong Workshop at Tao Retreat — Han Chinese Culture Estate, 33 Tao Road, Catskill, NY 12414 Greetings to all Flying Phoenix Qigong practitioners and friends: On June 23, 24 and 25, I will be conducting a 14-hour immersive workshop in Ehrmei Mountain Flying Phoenix Celestial Healing Qigong. This will be my first FP Qigong workshop of this year and fifth workshop at the beautiful "Tao Retreat" (Han Chinese Culture Assoc.) at 33 Tao Road in Catskill, NY. The seven 2-hour sessions of this workshop will be Zoom-able. WORKSHOP SCHEDULE The 3-day immersive workshop, June 23 to June 25, consists of 7 two-hour sessions with 2 sessions on Friday, 3 on Saturday, and 2 on Sunday at these times (EST): Friday: 3pm - 5pm; 7:30pm - 9:30pm EST Saturday: 10am - noon; 2:30pm - 4:30pm; 7:30pm - 9:30pm EST Sunday: 1 0am - noon; 2:30pm - 4:30pm EST TUITION $350 early registration $385 day of workshop $55 for each of the seven 2-hour sessions • ZOOM PARTICIPATION: $40 per 2-hour session or $250 / all 7 sessions [Zoom log-on links will be emailed to registrants the day before the workshop begins] • Please send payment via Paypal (to [email protected]) or via Zelle (to [email protected] • ROOMS AT TAO RETREAT A. There are 3 rentable rooms at the main event hall at Tao Retreat: One room with bathroom: $350 / day* Two rooms with a shared bathroom: $248 / day* B. Ten floor beds in the main tea house / event hall: $60 / night* C. 4 new comfortable trailer rooms with sofa-beds for up to 4 people: $250/night; $50 for additional person. *Room or floor bed rentals includes each day’s meals. PLEASE NOTE: There are very comfortable and affordable bed & breakfast inns, motels and resorts in the nearby town of Catskill —14 minutes away (8.5 miles)—such as Wolff’s Maple Breeze Resort: https://www.greatnortherncatskills.com/.../wolffs-maple... MEALS: 2 excellent meals each day—authentic Xichuan cuisine for lunch and dinner (made with organically homegrown veggies)—plus one smoothie or light soup before sleep. • Meals are included with room or floor bed rentals • Meal plan for non-residents: $50 per day. Yummers! TO MAKE ROOM AND/OR MEAL PLAN RESERVATIONS, PLEASE CONTACT Yurong 豫容 Julia Li 李 at: [email protected] or [email protected] Tel: (917) 828-0731 NOTE: For those not partial to Xichuan cuisine, Catskill has a nice selection of restaurants ranging from good Italian and seafood to cafes and fast food. HOT TIP: To get a head start on the workshop agenda and hit the deck running, so that Sifu Dunn can teach more advanced Flying Phoenix and Bok Fu Pai exercises, attendees are advised to practice to his exceptionally clear and definitive CHI KUNG FOR HEALTH DVD series available at: http://www.taichimania.com/chikung_catalog.html See you in Catskill. mitakuye oyasin, (Lakota greeting and prayer that means “All are related,” “To all my relations,” and “Help and health to all my brothers and sisters.”) Sifu Terry Dunn |
2023.06.04 00:49 todddesign Battling loneliness and depression
I believe that many of you can relate to the overwhelming emptiness and despair that has consumed my life. It seems as though I am trapped in a never-ending cycle of loneliness, lacking friends, dreams, goals, and purpose. Each day, I wake up wishing I hadn't, as life has lost its color and meaning. The activities I once enjoyed no longer bring any joy or excitement. I find myself constantly tired and isolated, with my existence reduced to mindlessly surfing the internet and engaging in discussions on forums and imageboards. It's a futile attempt to pass the time until the day comes to an end. This isn't living; it's merely existing.
It saddens me deeply to read through the posts on this subreddit and witness the multitude of individuals who, like me, are engulfed in a sea of despair. It is disheartening to realize how many people are grappling with similar emotions and experiences. In a way, there is solace in knowing that we are not alone in our struggles, but it also serves as a painful reminder of the collective suffering we endure.
In a world that often dismisses or stigmatizes mental health concerns, it is easy to feel isolated and misunderstood. The pressure to appear "normal" and maintain a façade of well-being can be overwhelming, further exacerbating our pain. The societal expectations and judgment we face only serve to deepen our wounds, making the road to recovery seem even more treacherous.
Yet, amidst this darkness, I believe there is a glimmer of hope. The very existence of this subreddit and the countless individuals who share their stories here demonstrate our collective longing for understanding, support, and acceptance. It is in these online spaces that we find a refuge, where we can be vulnerable and find solace in the company of others who truly comprehend our struggles.
submitted by todddesign to depression [link] [comments]
It saddens me deeply to read through the posts on this subreddit and witness the multitude of individuals who, like me, are engulfed in a sea of despair. It is disheartening to realize how many people are grappling with similar emotions and experiences. In a way, there is solace in knowing that we are not alone in our struggles, but it also serves as a painful reminder of the collective suffering we endure.
In a world that often dismisses or stigmatizes mental health concerns, it is easy to feel isolated and misunderstood. The pressure to appear "normal" and maintain a façade of well-being can be overwhelming, further exacerbating our pain. The societal expectations and judgment we face only serve to deepen our wounds, making the road to recovery seem even more treacherous.
Yet, amidst this darkness, I believe there is a glimmer of hope. The very existence of this subreddit and the countless individuals who share their stories here demonstrate our collective longing for understanding, support, and acceptance. It is in these online spaces that we find a refuge, where we can be vulnerable and find solace in the company of others who truly comprehend our struggles.
2023.06.04 00:19 queen_beani Is this weird on the breeder’s part?
This is a highly reputable breeder. I found them through the local/state breed club, they were recommended by the president of the whole thing, they’re highly involved in showing/competing. They’ve done all health testing and have taken incredible care of these puppies.
They also happen to be 10 minutes down the road. Score.
From the beginning we were clear (I thought), that we wanted a boy. She made it clear that she would do her best to place us with the dog we wanted, but ultimately up to the handler who evaluates the dogs at 7-8 weeks. I understood, my family didn’t like that. Whatever.
When we finally went to meet the puppies, she told us to pick our top 3 and was confused when they were all boys and said she would try, but she had us down for a girl. The one that was our favorite she gave us a heads up that it was likely show dog quality and we wouldn’t get it. We were disappointed, but understood.
A few days later, I get a text asking us if we would be seriously opposed to a female. My family was 50/50. Half being willing to back out, half just wanting a puppy period. We let her know we were still interested, but really preferred a boy.
Fast forward a little more… now I’m being asked if we would be willing to take a show/breeding quality female because we’re so close and it would be easy for them to show/breed them, and when they have a boy, we could have the boy. They can’t have another dog right now until one of their current ones passes. Something like that.
Are they insinuating that we could foster this puppy for them until they’re able to take them and then maybe 2-3 years down the line, they would take them back at that point, and THEN we get our pet quality companion? Am I misunderstanding this arrangement? Or is this really weird?
How would you handle this?
submitted by queen_beani to dogs [link] [comments]
They also happen to be 10 minutes down the road. Score.
From the beginning we were clear (I thought), that we wanted a boy. She made it clear that she would do her best to place us with the dog we wanted, but ultimately up to the handler who evaluates the dogs at 7-8 weeks. I understood, my family didn’t like that. Whatever.
When we finally went to meet the puppies, she told us to pick our top 3 and was confused when they were all boys and said she would try, but she had us down for a girl. The one that was our favorite she gave us a heads up that it was likely show dog quality and we wouldn’t get it. We were disappointed, but understood.
A few days later, I get a text asking us if we would be seriously opposed to a female. My family was 50/50. Half being willing to back out, half just wanting a puppy period. We let her know we were still interested, but really preferred a boy.
Fast forward a little more… now I’m being asked if we would be willing to take a show/breeding quality female because we’re so close and it would be easy for them to show/breed them, and when they have a boy, we could have the boy. They can’t have another dog right now until one of their current ones passes. Something like that.
Are they insinuating that we could foster this puppy for them until they’re able to take them and then maybe 2-3 years down the line, they would take them back at that point, and THEN we get our pet quality companion? Am I misunderstanding this arrangement? Or is this really weird?
How would you handle this?
2023.06.03 23:56 Moncurs_rightboot Season Review 22/23
 | Wow wow wow wow wow. Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming. Ow ow ow ow ow, stop pinching me, OK, I'm obviously not dreaming. submitted by Moncurs_rightboot to COYH [link] [comments] We actually did it. We managed to get promoted through the playoffs. It's absolute madness. I had watched us compete in 6 playoffs, and who would have thought that 7th time is the charm! Before I start you can read the 21/22 season review here from our season where we finished 6th and got dumped out the playoffs by Huddersfield. You can also read the 22/23 season preview here where I predicted a very optimistic top 8 finish. No one could have predicted the season we were about to have. I'm not going to discuss promotion in depth, because it was only a week ago and probably won't sink in until the fixtures are released on June 15th. In case you didn't know, this is what our away end looks like Overview and Pre season thoughtsAs mentioned above, I knew we would manage to keep the momentum going into this season. I just didn't expect us to gain this much momentum. Having finished 6th and on 75 points in the 21/22 season. Everything was kept steady in the off season, we recruited well, and only lost one significant player (discussed below). Throughout the off season though social media was awash with speculation that Luton Town would do a Barnsley (meaning losing in the playoffs and then battling relegation/getting relegated the following season, which Barnsley did in the 21/22 season), this was speculation was further fuelled by the signing of two of Barnsley's relegated front three (more on that later). However, one bright spark in the off season was the lads from the Second Tier Pod who went bold and predicted a solid season for Luton Town, with Ryan predicting 2nd and Justin predicting 3rd. These guys know ball. Nathan Jones was keen to kick on with the squad, and was 110% committed to the cause...Who left, and who did we sign?The most significant outgoing was that of Kal Naismith, who was the fans player of the season in 21/22. The manner in which he joined Bristol City left a sour taste in the mouth of the Hatters, with the club not knowing he had agreed terms, with the Welsh wannabes announcing him a whole 24 hours before Luton Town. Also the fact that he was chatting some boilerplate shite in his introduction interview, about being excited about getting to work with "the best manager in the league". A truly absurd statement that even Stevie Wonder could see was the dumbest thing that anyone could ever say in the history of mankind. Regardless, Hatters were annoyed and concerned, mostly because Kal was a good player, he made that LCB role his own, and was a vital cog in our 21/22 playoff machine, and scored a significant and wonderful goal against Bournemouth that pretty much kickstarted our playoff push after the long covid/midseason break - hey guys, remember covid?Less significant outgoings on the pitch were Peter "I should be starting every game" Kioso (to Rotherham) and Danny Hylton (to Northampton). With Kioso leaving, we were losing depth in the defensive unit, whereas with Danny Hylton, we were losing part of the furniture at the Kenny. Sure Danny had never hit the heights of his League 2 bagsman days after his nasty injury in League 1, but he scored some vital goals in 21/22 - grabbed the point at Bristol City and sealed the win against Derby with a wonderful strike. Also his head of hair is one of the greatest come back stories in modern times. We brought in some numbers in the off season, although as discussed on social media, these players seemed to be "for the future":
How did we do?I write this with a big smirk on my face. Because it still hasn't sunk in.Like the 21/22 season, it was a season of two halves (and two managers), unlike last season whereby there was a covid break, this season we had a conveniently placed World Cup. I always thought Winter World Cups were the greatest idea, and certainly never ever criticised FIFA, The Qatar WC bidding buddies, or the countless executives that have become incredibly wealthy from the previous World Cup who effortlessly and repeatedly moved not only the goal posts but mountains in order to give us what we all wanted, the first World Cup in the Middle East - in the middle of fucking winter. Anyway, I'm veering off topic. I'm not doing a monthly breakdown by the way, you can get that off wikipedia. I'm sure the 10 people who read this will be wildly disappointed. We can break the season down in two ways - Luton under Nathan Jones and Luton under Rob Edwards. I'll do the stats after this overview. Nathan Jones took us almost the whole way to the World Cup break, but he was just itching to move. Our start to the season was mediocre, we were struggling to win games. In fact we didn't win a game until our 5th game of the season against Swansea, with 2 draws and 2 losses to start the season, including the second worst performance of the season against Bristol City, leaving us 23rd in the table. After that we had a mini purple patch, completing the welsh double beating Cardiff and drawing with Sheffield United. Which took us up to 9th in the table. Before throwing the game away against Wigan "prompt wage payment" Athletic. Fortunately we then hit a 7 game unbeaten run, which shot us up to 4th in the table. Which took us into the match against them lot down the road. We were in great form, they were already on their second manager (more on that first manager in a bit), everything was aligned for us to go there and turn them over. But disaster struck, we were utter shit and lost 4 - 0. On the bright side it gave them a high point for the season. Post match, Nathan Jones had plenty of excuses, mentioning stomach bugs, he couldn't fill the bench etc, but the eventual reality was more concerning. We only picked up 1 win from the next 4 games, culminating in an abject display against his former side Stoke, where it all but confirmed that Jones would be leaving the club. This would take us to the end of Nathan Jones' tenure. Jones moved (amicably and with massive compensation) to Southampton - where he wouldn't stay for long, but reports surfaced after his move that Southampton had been in negotiations with him for 5 weeks prior. No surprise he didn't give a shit post match against Watford. Regardless, he moved in in better faith than when he did against Stoke, He left the club in 9th place, and paved the way for Mick Harford to coach for the last game before the World Cup break, a 1 - 1 draw against Rotherham. We entered the World Cup break in 10th place, and it gave us time to pick our manager properly. Nathan Jones stats P20 - W7 - D8 - L5 - GF 22 - GA 21 - Pts 29 - WinP 35% - PpG 1.45 Mick Harford stats P1 - W0 - D1 - L0 - GF 1 - GA 1 - Pts 1 - WinP 0% - PpG 1.0 At the end of last season (I know this narrative has been done to death, but keep with me here). Watford appointed Rob Edwards from Forest Green Rovers, a young up and coming manager, to take over from Roy Hodgson, a legend who got Watford relegated at Selhurst Park, and then had the balls to clap the Crystal Palace fans (as his last season there was behind closed doors), whilst ignoring the Watford fans who had travelled to South London, because they were too far away. This is made even funnier due to the fact that he returned to Palace, and absolutely turned their season around. Anyway, Rob Edwards was the man to replace the Hodge. Scott Duxbury, Watford CEO stated "Rob will be backed through hell and high water". It turned out that translated to 10 league matches, of which he had only lost 2, this included beating Burnley, who would go on to leave the Championship quivering in their wake. During the winter break, the Luton board were very impressed with Rob Edwards as a candidate, and made the bold decision to employ him. In addition to this our January window included the loss of James Bree, who moved to Southampton to join up with Nathan Jones and Harry Cornick to Bristol City, fair play to them, they signed our best striker. Cameron Jerome also left by mutual termination, as he wanted to move back up North to his family. We replaced Bree with Cody Drameh on loan from Leeds and replaced Cornick with Joe Taylor, an unproven striker who was yet to break into the first team at Peterborough. However, Big Mick swore by him, and has been tracking him for years. We also brought in Marvelous Nakamba on loan from Aston Villa (who would turn out to be the difference maker, more on him later). Although, the general consensus was that we were too threadbare at the back, and up top, as injury could expose our lack of depth. But in Rob we trust, and we haven't looked back since. Since his appointment, we have only lost 3 matches in the league, one of which was his first game in charge, and even in that game we played sensational stuff for the first 35 minutes against Middlesbrough, To cap off a totally wizard season, we then had the playoffs, and the rest as they say, is history. Rob Edwards stats P25 - W14 - D8 - L3 - GF 34 - GA 16 - Pts 50 - WinP 56% - PpG 2.0 *Excluding playoff results Time for some RAPID STATS
How did our players do?As per my writer idol Mister PDW, these ratings were picked on a whim, don't shoot the messenger. This shows appearances (sub appearances), minutes played, goals, assists and WhoScored rating. I'm using a letter grade system for the squad, this is down to a whim and may contain some bias, take the ratings with a pinch of salt. Stats from WhoScored - League stats only (including playoffs). Sorted by most minutes played.Ethan Horvath 47 appearances/4261 minutes 19 clean sheets - 6.48 B It was a steady enough season from the US Stopper. He did make some absolute howlers at some points during the season, but never went full 19/20 Sluga (look it up, his howlers were legendary). Although he finished with 19 clean sheets, a lot of his shortcomings were covered up by how the team defended as a whole, shown by our very low xG conceded. I appreciate his time at the club, but I wouldn't take him back here permanently. Amari'i Bell 46(1) appearances/4167 minutes 1G/1A - 6.78 A+ Amari'i is quite literally the unsung hero of the playoff winning campaign. Having played at left wing back last season, and filling in for Alfie Doughty when he was unavailable this season. He played the majority of the season at left centre back, the position vacated by Kal Naismith. He was spectacular and offered so much more from that position than Kal did. He could carry the ball infield, he had the athleticism to make penetrating underlaps into the box and after all the stick he got from Blackburn fans, he can now stick two fingers up at them, and show off his medal. Carlton Morris 44(3) appearances/3693 minutes 20G/7A - 7.21 A+ It was a slow start for Carlton as he bedded into the Luton lineup. He didn't make an impact until he scored his first goal of the season against Swansea, which was also our first win. But, after that goal he didn't look back. He also managed to kick on further under Rob Edwards. He is simply a player that has a bit of everything in his locker, able to score from 3 yards or 30 yards. Tom Lockyer 42 appearances/3638 minutes 4G/1A - 7.13 A+ Considering Locks couldn't buy a game at the beginning of the season, having only come in to the squad for the Carabao Cup game against Newport, where we lost. Swansea was also a watershed moment for him, just like Carlton. This season Hatters saw the finest defensive displays courtesy of Locks, and absolute colossus at the back. It was very concerning when he collapsed during the playoff final. However, we have been told that he is absolutely fine, and will be ready for pre season. Hopefully meaning we will tie him down with a longer contract. Elijah Adebayo 42(3) appearances/3523 minutes 8G/4A - 6.72 A Sure Elijah didn't hit the heights (goalwise) that he did last season. However, he formed a solid partnership up top with Morris. Fortunately it meant that the heavy burden didn't all sit on Elijah's shoulders. If anyone doubts what Elijah brings to the team, just watch his assist for Jordan Clark's goal in the playoff final. His run, his feet, his turning Kyle McFadzean inside out before his pass to find Clark, shows you what he brings to the team. Even playing a three at the back system, any defenders are going to have a shit day trying to stop Elijah and Carlton from executing their movement. Also, it was great to see him get a stab at the playoffs this season after cruelly missing out last season. Jordan Clark 37(4) appearances/3390 minutes 3G/4A - 6.83 A This season, we all saw what Clicker was about, his movement, intelligence and passing were fully on display. It's remarkable that he was signed as a right winger and has been reboxed as an attacking midfielders, he brings the attributes and movement of a winger and takes it between the lines, making him nigh on impossible to pick up for the opposition. Having a similar trajectory to Luton, having been playing for Hyde against Luton in our final conference match. He deserves a shot at the Premier League, and his journey is also remarkable. Just like Luton making it from conference to Premier League in 9 seasons. Allan Campbell 38(5) appearances/3273 minutes 3G/2A - 6.52 B+ I'm being incredibly tight with these scores. Sorry Wee Al. He had a good season, not as stellar as last season, but he brought the same attitude on the pitch, he runs and presses like he has 5 lungs. He also has an eye for goal from midfield with some spectacular hits, most importantly putting the cherry on top of the Watford game, and forever writing himself into Hatters folklore. Unfortunately, with Nakamba entering the fray in January, he was the unfortunate one to miss out on those two remaining midfield spots. Alfie Doughty 28(3) appearances/2438 minutes 2G/5A - 7.14 A+ What a player we have on our hands with Alfie, he will seamlessly move up to the Premier League like he's easing himself into a nice warm bath. Pace, trickery and a delivery to match, he has been a joy to watch play this season. Fans were concerned about the speed at which he was being eased in at the start of the season, but I guess when you have had the injury record that Alfie has, it just makes sense. Also, that goal against QPR was just spectacular. James Bree 27 appearances/2430 minutes 0G/4A - 6.99 A Football can be a cruel game, it can also be incredibly ironic, and that irony can be absolutely hilarious. James Bree was both promoted and relegated this season. He did well for the first half of the season, needing to fill in right centre back, which he did well, whilst also contributing many key passes to the Hatters cause. However, the simple fact is, when Osho came in to the right centre back role, we looked a lot better defensively, and that showed with our climb up the table. I'm still disgruntled about the fee being £750k, what with his contract expiring. But sometimes the grass isn't always greener, is it, James!? Well, at least he's getting a promotion medal. Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu 27(6) appearances/2394 minutes 3G/1A - 6.62 A This man is a modern Luton Legend. He gets better every season, and he has been worth every penny of the £50,000 that John Still paid for him as a 19 year old back in the Conference. Did you know if plays one minute in the Premier League, he would be the first player in history to have played in the top 5 levels of the English Pyramid for one club? Of course you did, it's been all over the news. He deserves everything he gets, and I'm delighted the club have offered him new terms, Pelly deserves the world. Gabe Osho 25(5) appearances/2273 minutes 3G/0A - 6.64 A The only reason this isn't an A+ is because of his first half of the season. He is the biggest beneficiary of Rob Edwards coming in at Luton. Under Nathan Jones he looked edgy and shit scared to make a mistake, however, under Edwards he was calmness personified with his big runs out of defence with the ball seemingly glued to his foot. He also scored some vital goals, the first against Watford, and then the goal against Sunderland in the away playoff leg to get us up and running. He is another that his currently being negotiated with for a new deal, and he deserves it. Dan Potts 24(2) appearances/2020 minutes 1G/0A - 6.84 B Another player who has been on a spectacular journey with Luton after being signed by John Still in League 2. He started as a left back, but with our formation change over the last two seasons has been re-engineered as a left centre back, which in my opinion is a much better position for him. He doesn't give you the athleticism that Bell gives, but if a ball comes into the box, he will get his absolutely beautiful head onto that ball. He had solid performances this season, however, the emergence of Bell as well as a pesky back injury kept him out for a good chunk of the season. He also scored what turned out to be the winning penalty in the playoff final. Marvelous Nakamba 19(1) appearances/1726 minutes 0G/0A - 6.93 A+ I remember saying on the Oak Road Hatter podcast when Marv came in, he was the difference between getting into the playoffs and not getting into the playoffs. How wrong I was. He was an instrumental cog in the machine that got us promoted. I hope Villa are sensible with their valuation for a player that they simply don't want, so we don't have to shoot our transfer load prematurely on a player that wants to be at Luton. Marv also stepped up in the playoff final shootout and cooly slotted away his pen, which was remarkable considering during games he would always pass the ball rather than shoot. Cody Drameh 19 appearances/1581 minutes 0G/2A - 7.19 A We were all very nervous when Bree left, because were losing a solid option at right wing back. However, enter Cody Drameh. Another bitten by the cruel irony of football, with Leeds being relegated as he makes the step up to Premier League. However, Cody will be alright, with Luton attempting to re-sign him as well as Burnley having a go too, he's got a Premier League move lined up. As he started with Luton you could see he had not played a lot of football, but he found his feet very quickly. Reece Burke 15(7) appearances/1417 minutes 2G/0A - 6.71 B+ At the start of the season, if you had asked me who our best centre back was, it would have been Reece Burke. However, he seemingly has hamstring issues that have prevented him from being a top defender. Remember Hull signed him for £2m as a highly rated 21 year old. Regardless, this season he has scored 2 sensational goals; the piledriver against Blackburn, and then the intricate passing play against Huddersfield where he was instrumental throughout the build up. It would have been a B, if it had not been for his display in the playoff final, where he came on much earlier than expected for Tom Lockyer. If we can stay injury free, we have a Premier League quality defender on our hands. Sonny Bradley 14(5) appearances/1219 minutes 0G/0A - 6.56 B- Sonny is leaving Luton Town at the end of his contract, and he has been a stellar figure for Luton Town. We won promotion to the Championship in his first season at the club, he was key in stabilising the club in the Championship, before pushing on up the league, and eventually winning this second promotion. However, it is known the personal issues he has been experiencing off the field, with his father Ray passing, suffering from long covid and issues with his child's health. No matter who you are, if you are hit with that many gut punches, you will stay down. But Bradley didn't because he's a hard bastard. The cherry on this cake was, a disgusting aerial challenge from Yakou Meite, from which Bradley landed horrendously, and it looked like a season ending injury. But Bradley being the hard bastard he is, he recovered, and plugged gaps in our defence towards the end of the season. Regardless, Sonny was getting exposed by some of the better strikers in the league, Gyokeres and then Archer had a lot of luck running beyond him, but in all fairness, they are both exceptional players. I'm delighted he's leaving us on a high, as he deserves it, and I hope he stays in the Championship and gets a move that works for him. Luke Freeman 10(16) appearances/988 minutes 2G/1A - 6.41 C+ I wasn't expecting Luke Freeman to pull up trees this season, we all know about his injury history that restricting his appearances at Sheffield United. He showed glimpses of what he could do, the goal against QPR was a highlight for me. However, a troublesome groin kept him out for the majority of the season. He does a good job of looking busy on the pitch, without he had a flurry of creating chances at the beginning of the season, but went off the boil fast as his groin caught up with him. The + is purely because he managed to bag some goals and an assist. Cauley Woodrow 5(22) appearances/741 minutes 2G/1A - 6.35 C+ I was expecting a lot from Cauley this season. Certainly more rotation with the front two, who ended up playing a tonne of games, because Cauley was picking up niggling injuries, with the last one keeping him out of the playoffs completely, he couldn't get any momentum during the season. He offers something completely different to our attack and his special touches can be seen at times. Regarding Nathan Jones deciding to play him as a 10, no. Just no. He is not a 10. Look at the goal against Norwich, what a strike. I hope he stays fit next season, because he has unfinished business in the Premier League. Harry Cornick 7(12) appearances/740 minutes 1G/3A - 6.31 C- After his barnstormer of 21/22 I thought maybe Harry would kick on, but unfortunately not. He has always been very streaky in front of goal, but his finishing looked to have gone up a notch. Regardless, he wasn't getting enough first team minutes here and Bristol City needed a striker. So they signed Harry. Allegedly he went for more money than James Bree, which is absolutely criminal, considering they both had 6 months remaining on their contracts. Regardless Bristol City got a good, honest, hard working lad, and I hope he has a good season next year. Fortunately we sold him for more than we bought him, which is a great return on investment. Fred Onyedinma 6(13) appearances/696 minutes 0G/2A - 6.35 C There is most certainly a player in there. Unfortunately with Fred, he is such an athlete he is prone to many injures. When he sets off one on of his sprints you just worry that he's going to pull a hamstring. If he can get through an entire season without injuries he would be flying. Perhaps his best role is as an impact sub, because currently he is unable to string back to back 90 minutes together. Luke Berry 4(19) appearances/695 minutes 3G/0A - 6.43 B We know that Luke Berry is now mostly an impact player, who will happily step into the starting lineup when required. He is yet another that has been on a fantastic journey with us from League 2, and for him it's even more impressive because like Clark and Pelly he has made it from Conference football too. He is a scorer of vital goals, his three vital goals this season were; the late levellers against Rotherham and Millwall, as well as the winer against Blackpool. Love Bezza. Henri Lansbury 6(4) appearances/458 minutes 1G/0A - 6.65 B When required Henri did a job, however, it is clear to see that he has lost his legs and maybe his passion for football, considering he has a new passion, mowing lawns. Although, he will be remembered this season for his absolute shitpinger against Hull City. He's now leaving the club, I don't see him joining another team, I reckon he's going full time lawn lad now. Cameron Jerome 0(21) appearances/333 minutes 1G/1A - 6.22 C+ Considering his extremely limited role purely as an impact sub, Cammy J was an exceptional professional. Unfortunately the distance between his family up north was too much, therefore we agreed to mutually terminate his agreement. Shame he missed out on promotion with Bolton. I feel he would have continued to be a great depth option for us in the second half of the season. His legs have most certainly not gone, he is still a supreme athlete at 36 years old. Louie Watson 3(2) appearances/220 minutes 0G/0A - 6.51 B- Most definitely one for the future, but in his little flurry of starts around the time of Rob Edwards first games was a great indicator of the tidy passing he could bring. However, the signing of Nakamba pretty much put a ceiling on his minutes with the first team, also I think the Grimsby FA cup replay might have given Rob Edwards second thoughts about playing him, I don't know, I'm not part of the Luton coaching staff! He can still continue to develop, and I would like to see him get first team minutes next season in the Championship. Joe Taylor 1(5) appearances/130 minutes 0G/0A - 6.02 B- Definitely the best beneficiary of Cornick and Jerome leaving in January and Cauley's injury issues, as it immediately propelled him to third choice striker. However, Edwards was very reluctant to chuck him on the pitch. He was highly spoken of by Mick Harford and Darren MacAnthony, I don't put stock in what DMac says (although he does have an eye for attacking talent), but Mick knows recruitment and had been tracking him for years prior to the move. Joe was unfortunate to have his strike ruled out in the playoff final, but he showed great big balls to step up and take the second penalty. I reckon a championship/league 1 loan is in the pipeline for next season. Admiral Muskwe 1(1) appearances/105 minutes 0G/0A - 6.51 F I'm at a loss with Muskwe, considering he is more senior than Joe Taylor and was recalled from Fleetwood on the same day we signed Joe, why wasn't he anywhere near the squad? He's most definitely one that we will be looking to cut our losses on next season. He had one flurry of good form, prior to AFCON last season, and since then, he has not hit the heights expected. His loan spell at Fleetwood consisted of 14 games, 3 goals (2 of those being pens). I wouldn't expect to see him here next season. Harry Isted 1 appearance/90 minutes - 5.78 D I like Harry, but his only match this season was the 2-0 loss against Stoke, sure the rest of the team didn't do him any favours, by letting Stoke score two unmarked strikes from two crosses that were allowed to be sent in. I feel the club have done him a disservice, he has obvious talent, reflexes and shot stopping ability, he has shown that at Barnsley, and against Chelsea last season in the FA Cup. However, we opted to bring in emergency loans instead of giving him a chance (I know it was risky considering in 21/22 we were going through keepers like Spinal Tap go through drummers). He's left the club now, and I hope he gets a chance with a Championship club, he could do it. James Shea 1 appearance/90 minutes - 6.54 C Shea got a chance with the final game of the season against Hull and managed to keep a clean sheet. He did really well to come back from an awful injury. However, I do not see him being first choice next season. Potentially second or third choice depending on how good Jack Walton is... Elliot Thorpe 0(3) appearances/68 minutes - 6.19 C His season got off to a shit start, being loaned to Burton and not played. However, I don't know what we do with Elliot Thorpe, he was brought in with high expectations from Tottenham, he dropped down so he could stand a better chance of playing first team football, and he's ended up getting shunted out to the right wing back position. He look great in his cameo against Hull, but I thought we were getting a box to box midfielder. We've triggered an extension in his contract, I don't know if that means we are looking to get a fee by selling him, or whether we want to keep him about for further development. Joe Johnson 0(2) appearances/38 minutes - 6.28 B I'm very excited about JJ, he's 17 and managed to not only break onto the bench, but get some vital first team minutes, with his first minutes coming in a high pressure game against What next?One thing that is guaranteed is that we will be finishing higher than we did this season, Even if we finish 20th. You know what, I'm sure we are going to give it a good go. I don't think we will try and sign proven Premier League talent, but we are more likely to hoover up some of the hot talent in the Championship and League 1/League 2 for further development.I expect quite a big clearout with lots of the players who haven't gotten near our squad to be moved on; Glen Rea is all but gone (well done to him for recovering from his horrendous injury too), Aribim Pepple needs a loan and Dion Pereira, who Bradford were begging to rejoin has barely played this season. Carlos Mendes Gomes is one I would like to see around the first team squad next season. Lots of headaches for Rob Edwards, Richie Kyle and Paul Trollope. Exiting news to look forward to, the renovations are under way at the Kenny to welcome Premier League cameras and media teams, and ground will be broken at Power Court on 19th December 2023. These are amazing times to be a Hatter. Bold early early early pre pre season prediction. Luton Town are finishing 17th next season! I hope you enjoyed reading this. COYH |
2023.06.03 23:18 Time-Unit4407 sweaty hot feet
I’m conflicted. My feet get so hot and sweaty w/compression socks and hokas. I’ve tried just compression and crocs, still an atrocity. Wearing cotton socks I’m perfectly fine, but also wanting to think down the road for the health of my legs. Anyone have any cotton compression socks they’d recommend or any solution? TIYA!
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2023.06.03 22:43 stuckinthemud__ Seeking for advice
I work for a small business as the social media coordinator. I love my job, as it’s my dream job and the industry I work in. I’ve been here since October. However, there are many road blocks that come with my job. The Marketing Manager wants a social media calendar done her way, our general manager wants it done another way; people pass along the information they want posted out to our marketing manager, however they aren’t great about getting the information out to me, leaving me scrambling and figuring it out for myself. I fear I might get fired each day I leave. I’ve talked and talked about my growing frustrations and management seems to understand, but it’s not getting resolved. I feel so stuck and burnt out and it’s making me very hard on myself. I’m wondering if there is any advice anyone can give me so I’m not so upset and feeling like I should quit before my mental health spirals.
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2023.06.03 22:34 Wide_Bedroom_7776 WIBTAH For Exposing Them?
I've been trying to figure out where on reddit I should put this but here goes nothing; this is a throwaway account and it's going to be a very long one. For a bit of context I'm in a polyamorous "relationship" where there is also an extremely large age gap among the three of us. I (21F) met my partners, lets call them Collen (46F) and Doug (56M) the beginning of January 2021. My friends kept pushing for me to go out and meet someone and have some fun so I signed up for a dating app not expecting much to come of it because of my "unique" type romantically. I'm completely into the age gap relationship thing so I raised the age on my search to 30-50. and with my luck two swipes in and there she was; beautiful blonde with greenish-blue eyes a great smile. I swiped so fast I couldn't stop myself, and it came back saying that she had also swiped right on me too. I didn't exactly take the time to thoroughly read through the profile because after the mutual swiping I decide to read the profile a little bit more, and it turned out to be a couple. Maybe I should've backed out then but in my mind it was like yolo why not. They are both attractive and who knows maybe it'll be a fun fling to have from time to time until I feel ready to find someone to settle with. I'd never heard of polyamory or any of the things that come with it so I was basically going in blind. So we connected and initially It was just chatting with her through the app getting to know what they were looking for and things like that. She then suggested that I add him on snapchat so I could talk to him as well and do a video chat verification of myself. So I did and to my surprise I'd hit it off with him too. It was like I could talk to him about any and everything. Deep conversations came easily with him. They both reassured me they wouldn't force me to go too fast or do anything I don't want to do. Made me feel very comfortable from the get go. Eventually the whole conversation moved to snapchat they created a group chat and I could text them separately whenever. I mostly spoke with him separately and she would really only respond in the group. I met up with him about a month later. She couldn't come along as she had to stay home with their daughter but gave us her blessing to have fun and tell her about it tomorrow. It was a great time we talked sat by the water till almost 5am. Another month in they invited me over to their place so we could all be together and I of course accepted. When I got there I was shocked to have been greeted at the door by the two of them and their daughter. For another reference I love kids and have been helping my siblings and other family members raise theirs since I was 6 and I'd told them about that as well, But still it threw me for a loop because it'd only been 3 months they still don't know too too much about me and we all knew I wasn't exactly coming over to just "have dinner and watch movies" and it seemed strange to me. We had dinner and it was nice we laughed a lot and all got along pretty good. When it got later in the night Colleen put their daughter to bed and Doug and I went to their bedroom. She joined us and we got busy and in the midst of it I began to bleed as apart of this health condition I have which they were aware of, and they immediately stopped to care for me clean me up an make sure I was ok and insisted that I sleep over for the night. They grabbed a blow up bed and set it up in their room for me. That simple gesture did something in my heart. I come from a pretty fucked up broken abusive home some of which they'd also known about so no one had ever really taken care of me like that before until them. Immediately my heart was absolutely sure this wouldn't be a one time fling like i'd thought. Fast forward some time everything was going pretty well. We all talked, sent pictures etc in the group and then I'd come over their place again and we'd have a good time I'd either sleep over and go home, and the cycle just continued on like that. Now up until May there had never been a title placed on what we had going on, so I wasn't too hopeful it'd stay on the same track it was on. Then at about the end of May he asks me to be their girlfriend. Says it's something they both want and again blindly going through with it I said yes, but looking back I should've asked her myself if that was really what she also wanted and maybe I could've saved myself the heart ache. So now we are officially in a relationship and everything is going fairly well.. Fast forward to 2022 about end of July maybe early into August. She started to become... distant small stuff at first like not wanting to have sex because she wasn't feeling well which I completely understood never would I make her feel bad for that. Then it became not wanting to be in the same room as me. Like Doug their daughter and I would be in the living room watching a movie or something just hanging out and she'd leave and go into their bedroom and wouldn't come back out until dinner or it was time for their daughter to go bed so she could tuck her in. It started to make me feel... weird and I couldn't bring myself to ask her what was going on, but Doug would continue to reassure me that she was attracted to me she loved being with me. I wanted to believe him but I couldn't in my heart and due to past trauma I didn't want to face if she'd say no. Now don't get me wrong she and I spent time together just the two of us. Sunday's she and I would go out shopping but you could cut the tension with a knife during those rides sometimes. I wanted to say something but Doug had prior told me about a girl from their past who hurt her and left her emotionally stunted with women so I alway tried my hardest to make sure I didn't do that to her and didn't do anything to cause her any discomfort sort of letting her come into it on her own. Plus she showed her love in other ways with catering to me buying me things particular to what I love. She'd said I love you verbally to me on 2 separate occasions which she apparently doesn't do. So I just could never find the right time to do so. Then Doug started searching on the app again for other women to add to it. He liked to watch and they'd had foursomes with other women where he would watch them with Colleen and take videos that have been shown to me before. I didn't know how I felt about this so I just went along with to see where it would go. Luckily it has never gone beyond a texting conversation among them although we have come close a few times. Anyways end of October early November of 22. Everything was so completely off between she and I felt it every time I would go over to their house. I didn't know what to do or how to address it. It was starting to really take a toll on me mentally. And they were also planning to move to another state where her family is and that caused me to worry more then before because I would not be going with them, who is to say that they won't meet another woman or women on the app and brush me off to the side numerous thoughts went through my mind over this. Plus it would be close to her father and best friend so she is definitely going to want to spend a great amount of time with them and there would be no real way to explain who I am to them considering I'm hispanic and they are White so it wouldn't be easy to play it off and none of them know that she is into women and that they are apart of the lifestyle not even her best friend. (This information is important to my point) Then one night Doug was driving me back to my house and he told me she had cried in their bedroom that morning while I was still asleep because she is uncomfortable in her body and uncomfortable around me. Flat out my heart sank and in my mind all I could think was how could you love and be with someone but not be comfortable around them or even talk to them about it, and you're moving to a new state you pretty much are going to want nothing to do with me. This triggered my abandonment issues like nothing else ever could and they knew of this issue and my need for reassurance I thought they would understand my need to know especially Doug since he questioned constantly if I was happy with our relationship and the age gap and if i wanted to leave I reassured him constantly that I couldn't go anywhere. I cried that night and decided to open the app myself just to find someone to talk to or even distract me for a moment nothing extreme. It escalated and i did cheat emotionally and I kissed the girl but that was it at that time. I felt bad and I am terrible at lying so eventually the truth exposed itself. the day of it was like she could feel something was going to change she came out of their room to where I was on the couch and just made out with me out of the blue. I didn't know what to do. Let's just say the truth revealed itself on that drive home that night and we broke up... for 18 days. I tried to move on with my life because every one was telling me to since the age gap and a bunch of other factors as well so I did and ended up being set up to be raped twice. needless to say my faith in humanity is gone on that end. so I tried one last time to talk to him and work things out. I did and by Christmas we were back together and working on getting better. Now here we are June 2023 they've found a house they will be moving into in just a few weeks. I've been helping them clean and pack up their old home a few times during this process. Doug swears nothing will change but everything will especially considering technically I'm only now in a romantic relationship with Doug and Colleen and I.. I don't even know if you could call it a friendship. Things are hitting that weird point again and he has met another girl on the app he wants him and I to meet and play with its only been 2 days and she's basically giving herself up to him as a submissive which he loves and gave the both of them access to her remote vibrator to pleasure her with which of course he had to tell me about. Now with all o that back ground out of the way here comes the real reason for my post. Despite all of the things I said above there are many red flags about them that I continually overlooked because of the lovers gaze i had on them. Including and I'm not proud of it pedo.... and incest (they both swear they'd never really cross that line with their daughter but I am not 100% sure I believe especially after he told me why he lost his old job) Especially with Doug he even talks about how things would've been if they would've raised me when he would've started wanting to play with me. I'm not proud that I stayed and overlooked those things part of me knows I stay to protect their daughter from them, and the other knows I stay because I trauma bonded myself onto them and can't get away. I'm not even attracted to anyone outside of them yes it is that bad. Lately things have been so confusing and tossed up i am ready to call it quits. (I am a hyper aware person to a default so I know when someone is trying to manipulate and play mind games with me which is what she is doing and I let them think they are succeeding and him he is just attracted to how young and hyper sexual I can be when we are together.) but not before I set a few little fires. I've curated a plan to send a letter to her father, and best friend. As well as his siblings (his parents are diseased) detailing what they've done and thus ultimately outting her as bisexual to them which I know is wrong but after the emotional and psychological abuse they instilled upon me it seems appropriate. Before she married him She was having a fling with her bosses sister at her bosses house. I know the bosses name and have her information so I could send her an email with the detailed story. Of course that is not grounds to fire her but it will cause enough tension and discomfort in my eyes. She is also adopted and recently found her bio moms family; I have their information as well and plan to give them a thorough warning about their estranged family member and what comes with her since they do explicit talk about the family members they would fuck including children of their cousins etc.. It is a toss up considering her father and best friend may be completely supportive of her and not cause any harm there. This won't repair the abuse they've done to me or help me heal but I took the higher road and over looked so many things for 3 years. Someone has to stop them in their tracks so they never do what they did to me to another woman again. WIBTAH?
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2023.06.03 21:29 HGG-thrwy Don't give up. Feel your emotions. You will survive, and people will be there for you. Thank you all for saving my life
This is largely a thank you post to the HGG community, and Dr. K. in particular. You all literally saved my life. I will always be indebted to you.
A few years ago, I was contemplating suicide. I was a 26 y/o virgin with only minimal dating experience. I grew up in a religious cult, started by my father, and while deep down I didn't believe it, it took me until I was 26 to accept it emotionally and begin healing from that process. I was broke, just fired from grad school, and desperate to continue in school because I believed, at that time, that my worth was only as good as my intelligence and career success. But because I had given up on my religious background, I had no friends, no allies, no safe place to express my feelings. Every day, I would apply to new labs at my university, continue teaching in a subject I didn't care about, then come home, drink alcohol, and practice playing Russian Roulette with a revolver my father gave me for my 18th birthday.
A couple of weeks after doing this, my best friend from college called to tell me that his father had killed himself. I'll spare the details, but it was unexpected and gruesome. At the funeral, my friend's mother was telling me about his father. That he had been sexually abused as a child, that he felt immense guilt for his career success, and that he never thought he deserved the love of his two highly successful children or his wife. He was 55 when he killed himself.
I spent a week with my friend at his house. I slept on the couch, and helped with cleaning, cooking, helping with anything I could. Never once did anyone cry. It was dead quiet, except for the comedies the family watched together. I secretly cried in the bathroom when I took showers, as it felt like the only place I could feel my sadness without disrupting the family's "peace".
I returned home, shaken to my core. If my friend's father could be 55, with a loving family and highly successful career, and still feel the need to kill himself, then how would I ever survive? How would I ever be happy? I was due to go back to school, but I didn't want to go. I was too overwhelmed and helpless. Where once I had held a cultist religious belief to keep my going, now my source of hope was gone. I got out the revolver again, this time loaded it, and then started crying.
I don't know what moved me to do this, but I called an acquaintance of mine who I knew was interested in collecting guns. I told him I had a gun I didn't need, and wanted to see if he was interested in buying it from me. He came over that evening, and I showed him my father's revolver. I sold it to him for $5. He knew what I was doing, and to this day he still checks in on me every once in a while.
The next day, I went to my school's mental health provider, and got a recommendation for a psychologist.
Growing up, my identity was shaped by my father, through emotional and sexual abuse, to think that I was a chosen one, born to save the world through my intelligence. My father is highly intelligent, and narcissistic. As his first child, he expected me to be everything he was, but better. He grew up in a trailer park in rural Texas, where he was surrounded by sexual abuse, violence, and drug addiction. He and his 4 siblings were highly motivated, and all of them worked hard in school to get scholarships and go to college. My father worked himself silly, got 2 master's degrees, and found a prestigious engineering job in the national security sector. The sector he worked in exacerbated the paranoia he had from growing up in an abusive environment, and simultaneously gave him a superiority complex.
He was actually a decent father for the first few years of my life. My parents fought often, but he did his best to take care of me as best he knew how. He was work-obsessed, and his religion that protected him from the abuses of his upbringing made him extremely misogynistic. So, while he wasn't the most pleasant to be around, he wasn't the worst.
That all changed when I was about 4 or 5. In the span of a year, my mom became accidentally pregnant with my little brother, and my father's father died. The drive to Texas for the funeral was the beginning of a youth full of sexual and emotional abuse. My father nearly killed us all in the car with his road rage. I was so scared I soiled myself. We pulled over at a gas station to clean me up, he beat me and told me how much he hated me, and how selfish I was for not holding it in. When we arrived at his moms house, he made me shower with him, and sexually assaulted me as punishment.
From then on, I was keenly aware of my father. In public, he would laud me, shower praise on me, and tell everyone how proud he was of me. In private, he would hold me down in bed, force me to make eye contact, and repeat everything he said to him, as he told me he hated me, that I stole his opportunity for success away from him, and that I was the most selfish person he knew. He would force me to memorize bible verses, sing hymns, and pray for forgiveness for all of my many sins. As a young child, I had no idea what my sins were. He brainwashed me into thinking I was sent from God to save the world using my intelligence. Growing up, I wanted to be a musician. I was very talented, but my father was incredibly jealous of my abilities, and forced me to study math and science, because that was what he believed saved him from his abusive childhood.
I processed all of this through psychotherapy with my psychologist, and it helped immensely. I kept applying for research jobs, and got a PhD in a highly competitive field. I made tons of friends who welcomed and supported me. But it wasn't enough, and I still felt lonely and purposeless. I was capable of doing, and getting better at feeling, but not accepting myself, and still carrying judgement for myself. I still felt as though life was passing me by, and I had no choices to make, only adversities to survive.
It was during COVID when I discovered Dr. K and HGG. I was in Texas at the time, and had just survived the big freeze, where I had a week with no water or power. I was looking for jobs, not feeling like anything I did mattered, and that my relationships were hollow. Dr K's lectures helped me to accept my past, to allow myself to be patient, and to process the insane amounts of trauma I had survived. Every interview was helpful, and allowed me to grow my compassion for myself. I began meditating and coaching around the same time, and my psychologist began a group. Through all of that, I had an experience which allowed me to be enlightened, and that experience has made me incredibly grateful for my past, and has even allowed me to forgive my father. And while I say I forgive him, he will never be a part of my life again. The forgiveness is for me, understanding how he became how he is, and forgiving myself for my late start. I didn't put any effort into forgiving him. I just realized it happened, and it took me a long time to accept that.
I'm writing this today from a place of incredible gratitude. Since all of this, I discovered that I was using porn to cope with the memories of abuse, and the insanely high expectations I held for myself. I have been working on that addiction. I have had 2 long term girlfriends, and a healthy sex life, and sex communication with them. I've lost over 60 pounds through cycling and weight lifting. I eat healthier and feel great. Though I still resent my career, I have learned (better) how to detach from it. In two years I went from being un-hirable, to being a professor. My boss and I are starting a company. I am single now, but I have begun to overcome my social anxiety for being so far behind in life, and am starting to date again, knowing that I am enough even with my intense doubts. Despite intense social anxiety, last night, I made a new friend at a bar, because he liked my bike. We went on a bike ride this morning with his wife, and it was very nice. I have learned guitar, and I sing in a community choir, and try to make music as much as I can.
I am still not happy. I know nothing I do or experience, nor any person can fill the gaping hole in my heart. But the change now, is that I allow myself to feel my discomfort and unhappiness. The tears, dry-heaves, and flashbacks have all made room in my life for happiness and gratitude. That is something I never thought I would ever feel. And eventhough my social circle isn't as big as I'd like, and my friends aren't as close as I'd like, and eventhough I'm single for the moment, I know I am enough. I know I have survived hardships, and that I can do incredible things. I know I don't have to do incredible things to be deserving of love. And when I do die, it will be because of something out of my control, and I will not be to blame for it.
If you are struggling, please reach out for help. Talk about your feelings. Feel your feelings. Especially the ones that make you feel the most helpless. Your feelings cannot harm you. They are there for you as a way to protect you. If you do not feel safe with your emotions, it means you have been trained that sharing your emotions isn't safe. I encourage you to find a safe person or place to share your feelings with, and to treat yourself with the same amount of respect and dignity you would give anyone else. And for those of you who have also found this same peace and acceptance, understand that you cannot force it upon anyone else. Many times, people have tried to help me find this peace and acceptance I have today, but I had to find my own way there, when I was ready. If you have people in your life who struggle, please just be patient and supportive. You can't do this for someone else.
Thank you so much to this community, and to Dr. K especially. You are all incredibly kind and helpful, and I have been given so much insight into who I am, and what I am capable of, through your support and sharing of your own stories. Treat each other well, and do your best to be the person you needed when you were a child.
submitted by HGG-thrwy to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
A few years ago, I was contemplating suicide. I was a 26 y/o virgin with only minimal dating experience. I grew up in a religious cult, started by my father, and while deep down I didn't believe it, it took me until I was 26 to accept it emotionally and begin healing from that process. I was broke, just fired from grad school, and desperate to continue in school because I believed, at that time, that my worth was only as good as my intelligence and career success. But because I had given up on my religious background, I had no friends, no allies, no safe place to express my feelings. Every day, I would apply to new labs at my university, continue teaching in a subject I didn't care about, then come home, drink alcohol, and practice playing Russian Roulette with a revolver my father gave me for my 18th birthday.
A couple of weeks after doing this, my best friend from college called to tell me that his father had killed himself. I'll spare the details, but it was unexpected and gruesome. At the funeral, my friend's mother was telling me about his father. That he had been sexually abused as a child, that he felt immense guilt for his career success, and that he never thought he deserved the love of his two highly successful children or his wife. He was 55 when he killed himself.
I spent a week with my friend at his house. I slept on the couch, and helped with cleaning, cooking, helping with anything I could. Never once did anyone cry. It was dead quiet, except for the comedies the family watched together. I secretly cried in the bathroom when I took showers, as it felt like the only place I could feel my sadness without disrupting the family's "peace".
I returned home, shaken to my core. If my friend's father could be 55, with a loving family and highly successful career, and still feel the need to kill himself, then how would I ever survive? How would I ever be happy? I was due to go back to school, but I didn't want to go. I was too overwhelmed and helpless. Where once I had held a cultist religious belief to keep my going, now my source of hope was gone. I got out the revolver again, this time loaded it, and then started crying.
I don't know what moved me to do this, but I called an acquaintance of mine who I knew was interested in collecting guns. I told him I had a gun I didn't need, and wanted to see if he was interested in buying it from me. He came over that evening, and I showed him my father's revolver. I sold it to him for $5. He knew what I was doing, and to this day he still checks in on me every once in a while.
The next day, I went to my school's mental health provider, and got a recommendation for a psychologist.
Growing up, my identity was shaped by my father, through emotional and sexual abuse, to think that I was a chosen one, born to save the world through my intelligence. My father is highly intelligent, and narcissistic. As his first child, he expected me to be everything he was, but better. He grew up in a trailer park in rural Texas, where he was surrounded by sexual abuse, violence, and drug addiction. He and his 4 siblings were highly motivated, and all of them worked hard in school to get scholarships and go to college. My father worked himself silly, got 2 master's degrees, and found a prestigious engineering job in the national security sector. The sector he worked in exacerbated the paranoia he had from growing up in an abusive environment, and simultaneously gave him a superiority complex.
He was actually a decent father for the first few years of my life. My parents fought often, but he did his best to take care of me as best he knew how. He was work-obsessed, and his religion that protected him from the abuses of his upbringing made him extremely misogynistic. So, while he wasn't the most pleasant to be around, he wasn't the worst.
That all changed when I was about 4 or 5. In the span of a year, my mom became accidentally pregnant with my little brother, and my father's father died. The drive to Texas for the funeral was the beginning of a youth full of sexual and emotional abuse. My father nearly killed us all in the car with his road rage. I was so scared I soiled myself. We pulled over at a gas station to clean me up, he beat me and told me how much he hated me, and how selfish I was for not holding it in. When we arrived at his moms house, he made me shower with him, and sexually assaulted me as punishment.
From then on, I was keenly aware of my father. In public, he would laud me, shower praise on me, and tell everyone how proud he was of me. In private, he would hold me down in bed, force me to make eye contact, and repeat everything he said to him, as he told me he hated me, that I stole his opportunity for success away from him, and that I was the most selfish person he knew. He would force me to memorize bible verses, sing hymns, and pray for forgiveness for all of my many sins. As a young child, I had no idea what my sins were. He brainwashed me into thinking I was sent from God to save the world using my intelligence. Growing up, I wanted to be a musician. I was very talented, but my father was incredibly jealous of my abilities, and forced me to study math and science, because that was what he believed saved him from his abusive childhood.
I processed all of this through psychotherapy with my psychologist, and it helped immensely. I kept applying for research jobs, and got a PhD in a highly competitive field. I made tons of friends who welcomed and supported me. But it wasn't enough, and I still felt lonely and purposeless. I was capable of doing, and getting better at feeling, but not accepting myself, and still carrying judgement for myself. I still felt as though life was passing me by, and I had no choices to make, only adversities to survive.
It was during COVID when I discovered Dr. K and HGG. I was in Texas at the time, and had just survived the big freeze, where I had a week with no water or power. I was looking for jobs, not feeling like anything I did mattered, and that my relationships were hollow. Dr K's lectures helped me to accept my past, to allow myself to be patient, and to process the insane amounts of trauma I had survived. Every interview was helpful, and allowed me to grow my compassion for myself. I began meditating and coaching around the same time, and my psychologist began a group. Through all of that, I had an experience which allowed me to be enlightened, and that experience has made me incredibly grateful for my past, and has even allowed me to forgive my father. And while I say I forgive him, he will never be a part of my life again. The forgiveness is for me, understanding how he became how he is, and forgiving myself for my late start. I didn't put any effort into forgiving him. I just realized it happened, and it took me a long time to accept that.
I'm writing this today from a place of incredible gratitude. Since all of this, I discovered that I was using porn to cope with the memories of abuse, and the insanely high expectations I held for myself. I have been working on that addiction. I have had 2 long term girlfriends, and a healthy sex life, and sex communication with them. I've lost over 60 pounds through cycling and weight lifting. I eat healthier and feel great. Though I still resent my career, I have learned (better) how to detach from it. In two years I went from being un-hirable, to being a professor. My boss and I are starting a company. I am single now, but I have begun to overcome my social anxiety for being so far behind in life, and am starting to date again, knowing that I am enough even with my intense doubts. Despite intense social anxiety, last night, I made a new friend at a bar, because he liked my bike. We went on a bike ride this morning with his wife, and it was very nice. I have learned guitar, and I sing in a community choir, and try to make music as much as I can.
I am still not happy. I know nothing I do or experience, nor any person can fill the gaping hole in my heart. But the change now, is that I allow myself to feel my discomfort and unhappiness. The tears, dry-heaves, and flashbacks have all made room in my life for happiness and gratitude. That is something I never thought I would ever feel. And eventhough my social circle isn't as big as I'd like, and my friends aren't as close as I'd like, and eventhough I'm single for the moment, I know I am enough. I know I have survived hardships, and that I can do incredible things. I know I don't have to do incredible things to be deserving of love. And when I do die, it will be because of something out of my control, and I will not be to blame for it.
If you are struggling, please reach out for help. Talk about your feelings. Feel your feelings. Especially the ones that make you feel the most helpless. Your feelings cannot harm you. They are there for you as a way to protect you. If you do not feel safe with your emotions, it means you have been trained that sharing your emotions isn't safe. I encourage you to find a safe person or place to share your feelings with, and to treat yourself with the same amount of respect and dignity you would give anyone else. And for those of you who have also found this same peace and acceptance, understand that you cannot force it upon anyone else. Many times, people have tried to help me find this peace and acceptance I have today, but I had to find my own way there, when I was ready. If you have people in your life who struggle, please just be patient and supportive. You can't do this for someone else.
Thank you so much to this community, and to Dr. K especially. You are all incredibly kind and helpful, and I have been given so much insight into who I am, and what I am capable of, through your support and sharing of your own stories. Treat each other well, and do your best to be the person you needed when you were a child.
2023.06.03 21:18 NotYourMommasBurner Grew Up "Poor"-ish, Now A HENRY - What Should I Be Spending My Money On?
(Burner account, since it's cool to call that out)
Short background:
I've been smart/lucky with my investments, and given my frugality and lack of desire for material things (e.g., still rocking 80% of the wardrobe from Wal-Mart), my monthly expenses come down to a very reasonable rent, food expenses when I'm not on the road for work, and the occasional nice coffee.
I do amazing trips solo and with friends occasionally as work allows (3-5 weeks a year), but that's mostly free/negligible given the travel points from work travel.
I could theoretically retire today living off of 2-3x my current monthly/annual expenses of I wanted to, but I really enjoy my work.
I keep hearing from friends/colleagues that I should enjoy my money/success more, but I don't know what else I should be spending money on beyond continued investments. I don't get the visceral high from buying nice/semi-nice things; instead I just get the visceral reaction I had as a poorer kid which keeps me from buying anything beyond a $30 dress shirt or $50 shoes.
What should/could I be spending my money on? Or am I massively over-thinking this?
Any/all thoughts welcome.
submitted by NotYourMommasBurner to HENRYfinance [link] [comments]
Short background:
- Grew up on the lower side of the income scale: had a roof over my head, but school clothes were a once every few years kind of thing + most meals from the Wal-Mart freezer section
- Family situation growing was a bit rough with one parent ill most of my life and the other who wasn't involved much and mentally abusive when they were
- Moved out at 16, declared independent, and ended up graduating with my Master's at 23 with no debt thanks to scholarships, a bunch of jobs, and being insanely frugal/scared of debt from my up-bringing
I've been smart/lucky with my investments, and given my frugality and lack of desire for material things (e.g., still rocking 80% of the wardrobe from Wal-Mart), my monthly expenses come down to a very reasonable rent, food expenses when I'm not on the road for work, and the occasional nice coffee.
I do amazing trips solo and with friends occasionally as work allows (3-5 weeks a year), but that's mostly free/negligible given the travel points from work travel.
I could theoretically retire today living off of 2-3x my current monthly/annual expenses of I wanted to, but I really enjoy my work.
I keep hearing from friends/colleagues that I should enjoy my money/success more, but I don't know what else I should be spending money on beyond continued investments. I don't get the visceral high from buying nice/semi-nice things; instead I just get the visceral reaction I had as a poorer kid which keeps me from buying anything beyond a $30 dress shirt or $50 shoes.
What should/could I be spending my money on? Or am I massively over-thinking this?
Any/all thoughts welcome.